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Challenging Masculinities: Deliberating & dialoguing with men on Domestic Violence. “The safest place for men is the home; the home is, by contrast, the least safe place for women” Edward 1989:214 . Rubeena Partab University of KZN South Africa Bosnia 2010. Intro….
Challenging Masculinities: Deliberating & dialoguing with men on Domestic Violence
“The safest place for men is the home; the home is, by contrast, the least safe place for women” Edward 1989:214
University of KZN
Study informed by: critical, feminist, & particularly masculinity theory.
1 in 10 of those raped will become HIV-positive.
“… My wife has a big mouth, she says that I am a very aggressive person so when I see that something is wrong, I scream and she screams back. So I would scream at her occasionally, she would use it to her advantage & she would disappear & when I ask where she was, she would say that she was in a safe house….. Then she would go to a safe house. Why is she treated special because there are people that are involved in serious crimes & they need the safe house, not her. Basically that is how it started…”
“…you know like when you are drinking we calm down. When you keep quiet people take advantage of you like they start swearing…”
“…..sometimes woman’s right is when you tell her something & she would tell you to mind your own business…she forgets that you are the head of the home…”
“…I need to be respected by my wife at all times, whether I am intoxicated, sober or if I am unemployed. I must always be respected in my house. If I see that there is no order in my house then I must instill order at all times. If I put order in my house if my wife disagrees with me then I would definitely have a problem with that. ..I need her to listen to what I tell her to…., it’s that simple…”
“…When I was working I would come home & the food would be ready I would only have to wash my hands and sit down. Now the tables have turned, I have to help myself to supper….”
“…maybe women should try to sit down and speak to us calmly, like we are talking right now. We are wondering why the police come so quickly when they call them. These guys are abusing and assaulting us. She disappears.. she says that she went to a safe house and she takes my son with. When I ask where the safe house is, they are not allowed to tell me where it is. So how do I know that my son is safe and what gives you reason to take him, so it is things like that? As her husband should I not know where the safe house is?
…This interdict is a part of the law that woman are using for their advantage…..…When I was in Westville Prison I spoke to other men who realized that they are there for nothing ……”
Until the costs of maintaining hegemonic masculinities is calculated, with what precisely are the benefits, against what incrementally are the losses, then, thepotential to collude, rather than confront marital violence will prevail in society.