Family marriage and singleness in the 21 st century
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FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21 ST CENTURY. UNDERSTANDING THE REALITIES! Dennis Franck, Director Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries Assemblies of God, USA. MYTHS--WHAT DO YOU THINK?. EVERYONE SHOULD GET MARRIED… SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH YOU IF NOT MARRIED SINGLE ADULTS…

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FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21 ST CENTURY

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Family marriage and singleness in the 21 st century

FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21ST CENTURY

UNDERSTANDING THE REALITIES!

Dennis Franck, Director

Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries

Assemblies of God, USA


Myths what do you think

MYTHS--WHAT DO YOU THINK?

  • EVERYONE SHOULD GET MARRIED…

  • SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH YOU IF NOT MARRIED

    SINGLE ADULTS…

  • HAVE FEWER PROBLEMS THAN MARRIED ADULTS…

  • ARE LOSERS…

  • ARE LONELY…

  • ARE RICH...

  • ARE “ON THE PROWL”…

    CHRISTIANS MUST REJECT MYTHS AND STEREOTYPES ABOUT SINGLE ADULTS!


44 u s adults not married age 18

44 % U.S. ADULTS NOT MARRIED(AGE 18+)

Never married61.5 M 26.9%

Divorced23.7 M 10.4%

Widowed14.3 M6.3%

99.5 M 43.6%

Separated 5.5 M 2.4%

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, 2010

Social & Economic Supplement                


Family marriage and singleness in the 21 st century

Median Age at First Marriage

MenWomen

200427.8 26.5

199026.1 23.9

198024.7 22.0

197023.2 20.8

196022.8 20.3

USA Today-July 18, 2005, 6 D-taken from the 2005 census bureau demographics


Family marriage and singleness in the 21 st century

Growth of Single Person Households

1900 5% of all households

196013% of all households

1970 17% of all households

200828% of all households

America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2008

http://www.census.gov/Press Release/www/releases/archives/families_households/013378.html


Unmarried households married households

UNMARRIED HOUSEHOLDS… MARRIED HOUSEHOLDS…

  • Married households 20052010

    • 55.2 million……………49.8 percent51.0 percent

  • Unmarried households

    • 55.8 million ……………50.2 percent49.0 percent

      • 14 million single women

      • 5 million single men

      • 36. 7 million single, “non family”- friends of same/opposite sex

        -Reported in 10/15/06 Yahoo News, Maxim Kniazkov

        U.S. CENSUS BUREAU - 2005 American Community Survey

        http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061015/ts_alt_afp/afplifestyleusscociety_061015170214


The face of the family has changed nuclear family

THE FACE OF THE FAMILY HAS CHANGED!Nuclear Family


Single parent family step blended parent family

Single - Parent Family Step/Blended - Parent Family


Single parent families

Single - Parent Families

  • S P households - 27. 3 % of households with children under 18

  • 1 in 2 children born mid 90’s or later will live in a

    single parent family

  • 24 million children live in a home absent their father

  • 4 of 10 children are born to unmarried parents—(39 % in 2008)

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WomensHealth/story?id=7575268&page=1

  • 43% of teens do not live with both natural parents

  • Nuclear families (both original parents) - 24% of all families

    --Goter, Susan, Strategic Adult Ministry Journal, Issue 146, 12, 13 --Horn, Wade F., President of the National Fatherhood Initiative, Gaithersburg, Md

    --SAM Journal, Issue 144, p 7 and Issue 146, p 13


Divorce step blended families

Divorce/Step/Blended Families

  • 8 YEARS: Average duration of 1st marriage ending in divorce

  • 6 YEARS: Average duration of 2nd marriage ending in divorce

    --American Blended Family Association

    --http://www.usabfa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=188238

  • 23 M blended family/step-family households in U. S.

  • 2,100 new blended families formed daily in U. S.

  • 68% of blended family re-marriages fail within 6 years

    --Time Magazine, September 25, 2000 - “Family” Barna Research Online


Family marriage and singleness in the 21 st century

  • Divorce/Remarriage

  • 43 percent of first marriages divorce 1

  • 60 percent of remarriages with children divorce 1

  • 65 percent of remarriages with children from a

  • prior marriage divorce 1

  • 65 percent of simple stepfamilies (1 partner with a child)

  • divorce 2

  • 70 percent of complex stepfamilies (both partners

  • have children) divorce 2

  • 1 January 9, 2006, Newsweek, “The ‘Familymoon’”

  • 2 In her book For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, Dr. Hetherington specifies the divorce rate for step-couples to be “50 percent higher in remarriages with stepchildren” Specifically, then, the divorce rate is 65-70%. (p. 178).


Cohabitation u s

COHABITATION-U. S.

  • 2007 - 6.2 million unmarried-partner households

    5.5 million of the opposite sex.www.census.gov/acs/www/Products/users_guide/index.htm

  • Nearly half of 25 - 40 yr. olds have cohabitated

  • 2006 - 6 million couples now cohabitate

    --The National Marriage Project-Rutgers University - 2006

  • 21 % of all unmarried-partner households include children

    –Step Family Association of America


The church must reach new types of families

THE CHURCH MUST REACH NEW TYPES OF “FAMILIES”

  • SINGLE PERSON FAMILY

  • SINGLE PARENT FAMILY

  • STEP PARENT FAMILY

  • BLENDED PARENT FAMILY

  • NUCLEAR FAMILY

  • EXPANDED FAMILY

  • GRANDPARENT FAMILY

  • UNMARRIED PARENT FAMILY

  • HOMOSEXUAL PARENT FAMILY

  • HOMOSEXUAL/HETEROSEXUAL PARENT FAMILY


In u s 44 of all adults are single or single again age 18

IN U. S. 44% OF ALL ADULTS ARE SINGLE OR SINGLE-AGAIN! (AGE 18+)

IN MANY CHURCHES, ONLY25-35%OF ADULTS ARE SINGLE/SINGLE-AGAIN!

WHY DO OUR CHURCHES HAVE A SMALLER PERCENTAGE THAN SOCIETY HAS?


The needs

THE NEEDS…

CONSIDER THESE COMMENTS…

“Out of the divorces, widowhood, the singles bars, clubs, apartment and condominiums, comes a torrent of need, and it is flowing right past the door of our churches...there is boundless talent and creativity in this flood of young adults/single adults. The church can help and it can also be helped. It can give and it can receive. OPPORTUNITY IS THERE! WHAT WILL WE DO?”

-Edward & Gwen Weising, Authors of Singleness-An Opportunity for Growth and Fulfillment


A survey of singleness in the church

A SURVEY OF SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH

  • UNMARRIED - SINGLE, SINGLE-AGAIN…

    ALL AGES…18 - 98 YRS.

    • NEVER MARRIED

    • FORMERLY MARRIED

    • WIDOWED

    • SINGLE PARENT

    • SEPARATED


Singleness in the church

SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH

  • MARRIED NOW BUT WERE SINGLE-AGAIN DUE TO…

    • DEATH OF A MARRIAGE

    • DEATH OF A SPOUSE


Singleness in the church1

SINGLENESS IN THE CHURCH

  • HAVE A RELATIVE WHO IS…

    • DIVORCED

    • WIDOWED

    • NOT MARRIED-18 YRS OR OLDER

    • SEPARATED


A survey of singleness

A Survey of Singleness

If you are helping/workingin the Young Adult OR Single Adult Ministry, stay standing.


Single adults can help build the church

SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH…

BY ATTENDING…

BUT WE MUST PROVIDE RELEVANT ENTRY POINTS FOR THEM!


Unique interests needs of single adults where in the church are these addressed

Rearing kids alone

Shared parenting

Relating to my former spouse

Managing sexuality as a single adult

Financial issues as a single

Building healthy relationships with same/opposite sex

Relating to spouse during separation

Forgiving my former spouse

Contentment as a single adult

Dating/dating again

Divorce Recovery

Grief Recovery

Learning to trust again

Loneliness and singleness

Singleness in a family-oriented church

Finding my career

Pre - marital education

Re – marital education

Blending families

Relating to married adults as a single adult

Adjusting to widowhood

Healthy step-parenting

UNIQUE INTERESTS/NEEDS OF SINGLE ADULTSWHERE IN THE CHURCH ARE THESE ADDRESSED?


Single adults can help build the church numerically

SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH…NUMERICALLY!

SINGLE ADULT VS. MARRIED ADULT CLASSES

# OF VISITORS OUTSIDE THE CHURCH?

# OF VISITORS INSIDE THE CHURCH?

USUALLY 40-60% OF SUNDAY AM VISITORS

ARE SINGLE!


Single adults can help build the church1

SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH…

BY GIVING TITHES AND OFFERINGS!


It s worth knowing

IT’S WORTH KNOWING!…

  • NOT ALL SINGLE ADULTS ARE POOR!

    • FINANCIALLY DIVERSE GROUP…

      • Single parent below poverty-level line

      • Single adult making six-figure income

  • NO NEED TO CHECK WITH SPOUSE BEFORE GIVING!

  • GOD HAS ONLY ONE PERSON TO CONVINCE

    • TO TITHE!

    • TO GIVE TO A PROJECT!

    • TO GIVE TO MISSIONS!


It s worth knowing1

IT’S WORTH KNOWING!…

  • TITHERS/GIVERS IN THIS CHURCH…

    • % OF ALL MARRIED ADULTS ?

    • % OF ALL SINGLE ADULTS?

    • SINGLE ADULTS USE ONLY ONE SEAT!

  • PRINCIPLE OF SOWING AND REAPING…

    • Galatians 6:7 “A person will reap what he sows.”


Single adults can help build the church2

SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH…

BY SERVING!


Concerning serving

CONCERNING SERVING…

  • I COR.7:32-35 Paul says for ministry, singleness is better!

  • I COR. 7: 26-28 Paul encourages singleness

  • Paul was single at this point


Single adults have

SINGLE ADULTS HAVE…

  • MORE FREEDOM TO MAKE DECISIONS

    • TO SERVE

    • TO LEAD

  • MORE FLEXIBILITY WITH…

    • SCHEDULE

    • TRAVEL

    • LIVING LOCATION

    • TIME (except single parents)


Consider these comments

CONSIDER THESE COMMENTS…

“Every group in the church has unique needs and gifts...children, youth, men, women, marrieds etc. Because we have put emphasis on these groups for so long, we have inadvertently forgotten the singles and have led them to believe we don't expect them to be involved in ministry. The apostle Paul said that for ministry it is better to be single! (I Cor.7: 25-35) The purpose of ministry to singles is to help them see they ARE the church and to help them come to a place of ministry.”

 -David Reddout, Pastor, First Assembly of God--Leesville, LA-Adult Ministries Consultant, Assemblies of God Sunday School Department--1981-1985  


Personal biases

PERSONAL BIASES?

WHEN NOMINATING OR CHOOSING LEADERSHIP IN THE CHURCH FOR…

  • PASTORAL STAFF…

  • ELDERS…

  • DEACONS…

  • SMALL GROUP LEADERS…

  • ADULT CLASS TEACHERS…

    • Do you think of married adults first?…Why?

    • How many single adults fill these positions?

    • Does the % of single leaders equal the % of single adults in the church?


Marriage does not make a person whole or mature

MARRIAGE DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON WHOLE OR MATURE!

PEOPLE ARE WHOLE AND COMPLETE WHETHER

MARRIED OR SINGLE!

COL. 2:10“YOU ARE COMPLETE IN HIM!”


Single adults can help build the church3

SINGLE ADULTS CAN HELP BUILD THE CHURCH…

BY BRINGING PEOPLE

TO CHRIST!


Single adults sharing christ

SINGLE ADULTS SHARING CHRIST

  • LOCAL OUTREACH EVENTS

  • FRIENDSHIP EVANGELISM

  • SHORT-TERM MISSIONS TRIPS

  • LONG-TERM MISSIONS TRIPS

  • IN MANY AREAS OF WORLD SINGLE ADULTS ARE SETTING THE PACE…


People who made a difference

PEOPLE WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE!

  • JOSEPH-Fled advances of Potiphar’s wife

  • LILLIAN TRASHER- Orphanage in Egypt

  • CORRIE TEN BOOM-Survivor of death camps

  • DIETRICH BONHOFFER-Writer/spiritual philosopher

  • GRIMKE SISTERS-First women to speak

    publicly against slavery in the south

  • MOTHER THERESA-Humanitarian

  • IRENA SENDLER – Polish Catholic social worker – smuggled/rescued 2500 Jewish children


People who made a difference1

PEOPLE WHO MADE A DIFFERENCE!

  • POPE BENEDICT XVI - Leader of the Catholic world

  • HENRIETTA MEARS - Gospel Light Publishing founder

  • EVANGELINE BOOTHE - Daughter of William Booth- helped to begin the Salvation Army

  • CLARA BARTON - Founder of the Red Cross

  • APOSTLE PAUL - Greatest missionary/author

  • JESUS-Savior of the world

    THEY WERE ALL SINGLE ADULTS!


Think about it

THINK ABOUT IT…

IN THE BEGINNING…

  • The first humans were created single (Gen. 2:7)

    IN THE END…

  • We will all be single-again in heaven (Matt. 22:30)

    IN BETWEEN…

  • God sent a single adult to save us (John 1:12)


Three single adults who changed the world

THREE SINGLE ADULTS WHO CHANGED THE WORLD!

OUR FAITH IS BASED UPON:

  • A Jewish single adult from Galilee

  • Whose ministry was preceded by a single adult named John the Baptist

  • And whose mission thrust was modeled by a single adult named Paul


Family marriage and singleness in the 21 st century

www.youngadults.ag.org


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