Tarzan: Variable of the Jungle

1. Tarzan: Variable of the Jungle A Story of Scope

2. In the land of Variables are many countries, And many states and many towns. Although the variables are very happy there, They live under very strict rules.

3. The land of variables offers no immigration. Variables may send messages to one another, but the land they are born in is the land in which they die.

4. Those variables born in Conditional County must stay in Conditional County. Those variables born in Loop Land, must stay in Loop Land. Those born in Methodpotamia must stay in Methodpotamia.

5. The government of the land of Variables keeps track of every citizen. Only one citizen in each land can have any name so that there is no question who is who.

6. There can be only one Debbie, Only one Sam, Only one Sondra, Only one Billy-Joe-Bob in each variable land.

7. One day, Ms. XY and Mr. XX decided to run away. They loved Variable land, but were so tired of seeing the same old scenery. So they decided to visit the jungle outside of their country.

8. The jungle was off-limits, as it was not part of any country in the land of Variables. But since it was off limits, Mr. XX and Ms. XY knew they could go there undiscovered.

9. One day while staying in the jungle, Ms. XY discovered she was pregnant. And since variables are only pregnant for 2 seconds before they give birth, she had a little baby variable right then and there.

10. XX and XY were distraught. They could not take their baby into the repressive variable society. They knew this baby was not a citizen of any variable land and therefore would not be welcome in any country.

11. After much deliberation, they decided to leave the baby in the jungle with the wolf family. XX and XY left to return to their homeland.

12. Sure enough, the wolves adopted the little variable baby as one of their own. They raised him in the jungle and called him “Grrrrwl.” Which is wolf for “Tarzan.”

13. Eventually Tarzan grew to be a man, and discovered that he was unlike any of the other wolves. He began to wonder who he really was and who his parents could be. He decided to leave the jungle.

14. Tarzan traveled to the land of variables and saw many others that looked like him! He was sure that this was where he truly belonged.

15. Unfortunately, the government heard of the strange variable with wolf-like tendencies that was wandering around. They told him non-citizens were not allowed! He must leave!

16. Tarzan traveled through Methodpotamia, but was told, “You are not recognized here!” Tarzan traveled through Loop Land, but was told, “You are not recognized here!” Tarzan traveled through Conditional County, but was told, “You are not recognized here!”

17. Mr. XX and Ms. XY heard about the wolf-variable looking for a home. They knew it was their little jungle baby. They went to him and told him that they were his parents.

18. Tarzan was full of many emotions he had never before felt. He loved his parents but was angry with them for leaving him. XX and XY decided that they would make it up to him.

19. XX and XY traveled to the capital of all of Variable land. They spoke to congress about who Tarzan really was and how he became known as the variable with no homeland.

20. They pleaded on his behalf to let Tarzan live with his people, the variables, in peace. The congress was moved by the impassioned plea of the variables.

21. They decreed that Tarzan, variable of the jungle, would henceforth be citizen of all of Variable land. He was allowed access to travel as he wanted and was never rejected again.

22. So today, the rules of Variable land still apply. There still is only one Debbie, one Sam, and one Billy-Joe-Bob in every country. There are still strict no-immigration rules for the variable citizens.

23. But Tarzan is free to roam as he will among the nations. And other variables, in the height of passion, can be seen sneaking off to the jungle.