TECHNICAL FOULS

1. TECHNICAL FOULS Dealing With Anger

2. Tonight’s Objectives • Understand the emotion of anger • Recognize covert and overt signs • Develop skills in finding the underlying causes of anger • Help parents deal with own anger • Help children learn to express anger in healthy ways • Recognize how exposure to violence can affect children • Encourage peaceful conflict resolution • Identify stressors • Learn “fighting fair” skills

3. Anger exists in all human beings Anger appears when a child is 3–4 months old

4. List terms or words that describe “anger” or mean “angry” • Furious • Irritated • Irate • Mad • Rage • Boiling • Burned • Wrath • Incensed • Inflamed • Upset • Exasperated

5. Anger is usually thought to be a negative emotion, but can be a positive forceHow people handle anger determines whether it is a positive or negative force

6. Anger is Primitive emotion High intensity, high energy emotion caused by a social event or interaction Asignal system Aself-defense response

7. Anger is • Created in your head (thoughts cause feelings cause actions) • When anger takes over, logic and reasoning are lost. • In this state people often regress to childlike responses (Sometimes when we are in an angry confrontation with our children, it looks more like two children rather than a child and an adult)

8. Anger has 2 components Fear Pain We must get in touch with the underlying pain and fear to understand and diffuse anger. For example, when a teenager comes home past his curfew and we explode in an angry rage, what is the underlying feeling?

9. How Do We React To Anger? • Body reactions • Verbal expression • Facial expressions, scowling, glaring, flushing, paling, sweating, tears • Talking, screaming, cursing, arguing

10. Physical aggression • Passive aggressive behaviors • Depression • Hitting, kicking, slamming, throwing • Poor grades, failure to cooperate, fighting with family members, procrastination, forgetfulness, stubbornness • Hopelessness, isolation, talk about hurting oneself

11. How do you deal with your anger? • Repress it Demonstration • Express it Demonstration • Release it

12. Which of the 3 is the most dangerous way of dealing with anger and why? Repression Expression Release

13. In many families and cultures, anger was and is considered a destructive emotion that should always be suppressed at all costs.Now we know anger can be a healthy emotion and the costs are too high when it is repressed/suppressed.

14. 4 Steps for dealingwith anger in the family

15. Step 1Take time out in the early stage of anger If you wait too long, people lose the desire or willingness to stop the conflict

16. Step 2Cool downConcentrate on calming down • Allow time for logic and reasoning to return. • Look for the underlying emotion in the conflict. • Recognize your part in the conflict (Angry people always believe they are 100% right.)

17. Step 3End time out • Admit your part in the conflict. • This is not a loss of control, but rather encourages the other person to respond with respect and cooperation. • Peaceful conflict resolution may begin

18. Step 4If necessary, return to time out • More time outs may be necessary until both persons are able to admit some responsibility

19. Anger is a temporary emotion • We often extend its duration by “rehearsing” (reviewing and replaying the situation, thinking and rehearsing what we are going to say or what we should have said) • We also drag out experiences or altercations that angered us in the past (bringing up the past, using “always” or “never” statements)

20. What are some typical fights and disagreements you had as children? Conflict today has a whole new dimension, ending in brutal beatings or even death. There is a growing disregard for human life and the rights, beliefs and property of others. What are your childrenfighting about now?

21. Common causes of anger in children: • Stress • Feeling misunderstood • Overloaded schedule • Feeling ignored or unappreciated • Feeling belittled • Being taken for granted • Feeling helpless • Being abuse or unjustly punished • Being put in the middle of parents’ battles

22. Escalation of Anger Out of Control Boiling Mad Angry Irritated Frustrated Calm Suppressed Feelings

23. The Cup Kid The Cup Kid: Parenting A Child with MeltdownsWritten and Illustrated by Nancy W. KlingDoes your child have frequent meltdowns? Does your child have trouble coping with life? Is your child easily overloaded with sensory input? If so, you may be raising a Cup Kid! Cup Kids fill up with too much noise or too much pressure or too much homework. And when they get too full, they run over in the form of a meltdown or shutdown. The Cup Kid: Parenting A Child with Meltdowns will give you that much needed insight into what happens when your child has “had too much” and what you can do to help your Cup Kid prevent tantrums.

24. Due to Exposure to Violence(TV, video games, toys, music, verbal or physical violence in the home)Our Children May: • Become desensitized and exhibit aggressive, violent behaviors • Develop emotional problems, sleep problems, etc. • Become fearful, hostile and distrustful of others • Accept violence as a way to solve problems • Imitate the violence they see on TV

25. Children and TV Violence • Average child in US watches 3-5 hours of TV every day = 20,000 hours of TV compared to 13,000 hours in school by the time they graduate • Average child or teen views 10,000 murders, rapes and aggravated assaults on TV each year • Children’s TV contains about 20 violent acts each hour • American TV and movies are the most violent in the world • Violence is often portrayed as funny and painless

26. What can parents do? Create a harmonious home environment and teach positive values. Become a powerful influence in helping your children learn to function and thrive in a society where conflict and opposing points of view will always be a part of life.

27. The American Psychological Association believes we must teach our children conflict resolution and mediation skills at a very young age in order to slow or reverse the increasing conflict and violence in our country.

28. Be a Positive Role Model of Respect for Rights, Property and Feelings of Others • Model responsible behavior and attitudes each day • Share your family beliefs and values • Treat others with respect • Discuss society’s acts of injustice, prejudice and violence • Have friendships with people of different cultures, races and abilities • Practice positive conflict resolution skills and let children witness mild parental conflict and its respectful and loving resolution

29. Dealing with Anger • Is the most poorly handled emotion in society • Teach children that anger is simply a feeling, and everyone feels it sometimes • Teach that the way anger is expressed is the key to whether it is healthy or destructive Demonstration and Dos and Don’ts

30. Conflict Resolution Skills • Avoid becoming involved in children’s conflicts • Encourage children to seek their own solutions to their disagreements • Prohibit any physical or verbal abuse in your home • Teach the STOP conflict resolution method

31. Fouls in Fighting Fair Skills That Promote Fair Fighting Handout • Blaming, making excuses, bossing • Name calling, put downs, teasing • Getting even, hitting, kicking, etc., tattling • Threats, not listening to the other person

32. “Remember to not only say the right thing in the right placebut far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thingat the tempting moment.”-Benjamin Franklin