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Cows, Politics and Nations. Political Systems and Political Philosophies. A Humorous Examination Designed to Offend Everyone. LIBERAL. You have two cows. Your neighbor has none You feel guilty for being successful.

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Cows, Politics and Nations

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Cows, Politics and Nations

Political Systems and Political Philosophies

  • A Humorous Examination

  • Designed to Offend Everyone


You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none

You feel guilty for being successful.

Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow.

You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cowless.

Barbara Streisand sings for the

cowless, who couldn’t attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend.

You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven’t directly done anything to help them.


You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.



You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.


You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


You have two cows.

The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

Bureaucracy, American Style

You have two cows.

The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of the four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.


You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.


You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately the also demand 13 weeks of vacation a year


You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.


You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have four cows.

You have some more vodka and learn you have eight cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.

Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.


You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send you tapes of their mooing.


You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


You have a cow and a bull.

The bull is depressed.

It has spent its life living a lie.

It goes away for two weeks.

It comes back after a taxpayer-paid

sex-change operation.

You now have two cows.

One makes milk; the other doesn’t.

You try to sell the transgender cow

It’s lawyer sues you for discrimination.

You lose in court.

You sell the milk-generating cow to pay for the damages.

You change your business to beef.

PETA pickets your farm.

Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.

The California Legislature calls for higher farm taxes to help “working cows”.

Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm “for the children”.

The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming they were groped by Arnold

You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.

The cow starves to death.

Arnold threatens to terminate you.

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