Concision

1. Concision Adapted from the Carnegie Mellon Writing Tutor http://telstar.ote.cmu.edu/writingtutor/concision.html

2. What? Longer isn’t better? • Readers may be less likely to read longer texts • Think of how often you count the pages of assigned readings… • Wordy writing can be confusing • Concision • Say only what you need to say • Doesn’t necessarily equal short sentences

3. Step 1. Delete Unnecessary Words • Words that aren’t needed can • hide your intended message and purpose • make you sound arrogant • turn your readers off  • Empty Words • Redundant Words • Inflated Expressions

4. Empty Words • Words that add little or nothing to the writing • Clutter sentences Example: • Twain is basically arguing that human morality is actually corrupt. Vs. • Twain is arguing that human morality is corrupt.

5. Redundant Words • Words that have the same meaning used as a group Examples • There are three separate flaws that lead to humanity’s corruption: greed, cruelty, and hypocrisy. Vs. • There are three flaws that lead to humanity’s corruption: greed, cruelty, and hypocrisy.

6. Inflated Expressions • Using a lot of words to communicate something that could be said more simply

7. Reducing Inflated Expressions • Ask yourself, “Can I say this in fewer words?” Examples • In the event that a slave hunter would find Jim, Huck planned to claim that he was Jim’s master. Vs. • If a slave hunter would find Jim, Huck planned to claim that he was Jim’s master.

8. Practice • Select the phrase that would make the sentence more concise without changing its meaning. They decided to continue with research despite the fact that there were serious budget constraints. • although there were • notwithstanding the • despite • in the face of Now, read your excerpt for wordiness. Eliminate unnecessary or redundant words and simplify inflated expressions.

9. Step 2. Avoid Passive Voice • Passive Voice – The subject of the sentence is not the doer of the action Example • Passive: The argument about hypocrisy was suggested by Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby. • Active: Fitzgeraldsuggested the argument about hypocrisy in The Great Gatsby.

10. Practice – Passive Voice • Rephrase the following sentences to change from passive to active voice. • The surgeon was assisted by two nurses. • The mine disaster was caused by an earthquake. • The chemistry lab was taught by a TA. Now, edit your excerpt for passive voice. Change to active voice to eliminate wordiness.

11. Step 3. Change Negatives to Positives Example • Negative: The two samples were not the same as the others. • Positive: The two samples were different than the others. Again, negatives tend to be wordier.

12. Practice - Negatives • Rephrase the sentences in the affirmative. • Do not continue the treatment if the patient has serious side effects. • The food safety board failed to accept about 2% of the shipments. • The two theories are not the same in several important aspects. Now, edit your excerpt for negatives. Change to positive phrasing to eliminate wordiness.

13. Be Careful… • When working on concision, be sure to avoid • Trimming too much • Leaving out important details – Consider your audience! • Changing the meaning of the sentences • Example The team of chemists conducted a study that linked the presence of smog with an increase in deaths from heart disease. Vs. The team of chemists proved that smog increases the number of deaths from heart disease. • Check revisions against the original to be sure that the meaning if in tact.

14. Other Considerations • Combine sentences • Watch your modifiers • Very, basically, practically, definitely, generally, specific, individual • Avoid unnecessary that, who, and which clauses • The report, which was released recently  The recent report • All applicants who are interested in the job  All applicants • The system that is most efficient and accurate  The most efficient and accurate system • Avoid overusing “it is” or “there are” phrases at the beginnings of sentences