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Fundamentals of Good Writing April 9, 2012. Target audience Multiple levels of structure – overall document, section, paragraph, sentence Use subheads to target the reader on sections of most interest Use special formatting (boldface or italics) to emphasize individual sentences
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Fundamentals of Good WritingApril 9, 2012 • Target audience • Multiple levels of structure – overall document, section, paragraph, sentence • Use subheads to target the reader on sections of most interest • Use special formatting (boldface or italics) to emphasize individual sentences • As you organize, start with key points you want to include, then develop them in more detail • Alternatively, start with details, then link them together into larger, more general points points • Clear purpose (good “lead” paragraph establishing the key issue you plan to discuss) • Context • Understanding your material; determining what does/does not matter
Sample Lead Paragraph: The Role and Impact of the Fed Gov’t in Health Care Statement of fact: The federal government has played a major role in health care over the last half century from establishing Medicare and Medicaid in 1965—assuring access to insurance coverage for a large portion of the U.S. population—to multiple pieces of legislation during the 1980s-2000s that protect individuals under employer-sponsored health insurance and expanded federal healthcare programs. Specific detail on expense: Federal government initiatives have resulted in public programs that led to expenditures of $1.11 trillion in 2008. There’s more to the story:Furthermore, the laws, regulations, policies, payment systems, and oversight of these huge federal programs have major direct and indirect influences on private sector payers and health care delivered to Americans not covered under federal programs. Focus on prevention: Because of the government’s influence, it has not only played a role in promoting the use of preventive services; it also has promoted a growing recognition of how disease prevention contributes to health care savings.
Sample Context We have a crisis in the large numbers of K-12 students who are not receiving a high-quality education. Hundreds of thousands of students in our region are considered educationally at risk. Many are in underserved populations, including Hispanic. (General description of crisis.) Consider, in particular, six regional school districts that are experiencing this problem. They enroll approximately 111,000 students. A significant percentage (60%) of those students is considered at risk, underserved populations. Approximately 48% of them are Hispanic. In this group, low-income students comprise nearly 45%, as evidenced by their participation in the Federal Free or Reduced Lunch Program. (Specific details/facts.) Although these districts acknowledge this problem and have been implementing a variety of intervention programs to stimulate academic improvement, their achievement rates are below expectations, and many students and their families continue to view higher education as unattainable. (Attempts to address problem have been unsuccessful.) This scenario makes it clear that the efforts undertaken so far are not sufficient to address this problem. That’s why California State University San Marcos proposes the Alliance to Accelerate Excellence in Education (Alliance). (Why this proposal is needed. )
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Organization – role of the outline • Logical progression – left to right, past-present-future, less to more (or more to less), more specific to more general, progression in time (typically earlier to later, not vice versa) • Example: Information drives business strategy and is critical to decision making in a fast-paced world. • Suggested rewrite: Data is critical to decision making and drives business strategy more broadly in today’s fast-paced world.
More Examples of Linear, Logical Progression • The percentage increased from 15% in 1967 to 28% in 2012. • The class takes place on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. • The winning lottery numbers are 2, 4, 7, 8, 15, and 25. • Once the foundational infrastructure is in place, the Alliance will be able to serve additional school districts in the region. • Original: It is important to note the Alliance is purposefully designed to expand and serve additional school districts in the region once the foundational infrastructure is in place.
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Effective use of transitions to support the logic (but/however/nonetheless, moreover/furthermore, first/second/third/finally, in conclusion) • Transitions create logical links between thoughts, sentences in a paragraph, and between paragraphs • Clarity (esp. in relationships between people and things, relationships between sentences) • Anticipating areas of potential confusion • Addressing questions up front
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Conciseness • Every word should have a role that matters. If you can delete a word without materially affecting the meaning of a sentence, remove it. (Less is more.) • Example: The introduction of electronic health records into the health care model carries great expectations that stakeholders are driving to achieve. • Suggested rewrite: The introduction of electronic health records into the health care model leads to great expectations for all stakeholders. • Take care in your choice of individual words. • Simple words can be better than more complicated ones. • But look for exactly the right word to convey your intended meaning (ref: www.wordsmith.org). • Ref: The Elements of Style, by Strunk and White (2012)
Examples of Wordiness • It is undeniable that the federal government has played a major role in health care over the last century. • It is important to note that… • Key to understanding why providers have been unsuccessful in reducing health care costs is the lack of accountability for costs and results. • Suggested rewrite: Providers have not been successful in reducing health care costs because they are not accountable for them.
Another Example of Wordiness • Congress has added benefit status to some, but not all, currently recommended prevention services as listed by various preventive services guideline bodies.
Suggested Edit • Congress has added benefit status to some, but not all, currently recommended prevention services as listedrecommended by various preventive services guideline bodies.
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Consistency (e.g., use of single name of organization, single term to denote a concept)
Consistent Use in Names of Things, Concepts • A rose is a rose is a rose… (“Sacred Emily,” a poem by Gertrude Stein, 1913) • A rose by any other name would smell as sweet… (“Romeo and Juliet,” by William Shakespeare) • Sample organizational name: Scripps Institution of Oceanography • It’s important to get names absolutely correct (spelling, use of “of”/”for,” etc.) • Write out in full at first occurrence, then abbreviate as “Scripps” or “SIO.” • Do NOT use “Scripps Institute,” which can be confused with The Scripps Research Institute (a medical facility). • Use a single term for a concept throughout a document. • If the term is long, write it out in full at first occurrence, then indicate in parentheses how you will refer to it for the rest of the document. • Example: Alliance to Accelerate Excellence in Education (Alliance)… • Example: Students suggest a concept and various ways it’s referred to.
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Simplicity • In structure and logic; e.g., A+B=C; simple relationships: A does B to effect outcome C • Simple words • Simple verb tense (present tense or –ing verbs are preferable to –tion verbs) • To advance health care vs. for the advancement of health care • Contribute to strengthening vs. help strengthen • Towards achieving vs. to achieve • Simple sentence structure: Subject + verb, + object • Example: Some people believe that innovative technologies contribute to rising health care costs. • From general (context) to increasing levels of detail; determining how much detail to include based on audience needs; avoid irrelevant detail • Example from students
Example of Unnecessary/Irrelevant Detail • More recently, under Section 101 of the Medicare & Medicaid Improvements for Patients and Providers Act (MIPPA) of 2008, Congress authorized the Secretary to add additional preventive services to the Medicare benefit structure. Medicare beneficiaries no longer need to wait years for Congress to pass legislation authorizing additional prevention benefits to the Medicare program, although there are limitations to what prevention services can even be considered by CMS for analysis and possible coverage. Section 101 gives authority to the Secretary of HHS to consider the addition of preventive services benefits through the Medicare NCD process.
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Emphasis – First sentence (context) and last sentence (conclusion) of a paragraph, end of a sentence • Think about how you might vary order of phrases in a sentence so as to emphasize the last phrase. • Use shorter sentence esp. at the end of a paragraph for more emphasis and create drama. • Example: Our results were surprising. • Variety of sentence length • Active voice (vs. passive voice) – Makes relationship between things more clear • Exception: Use of passive voice for effect (ref: McKibben article) • Qualifiers – Avoid them (e.g., rather, very, little, pretty, actually) as they provide no additional meaning
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Storytelling • Lab report example: • Context for experiment, why it’s important • What the technical nature of the experiment is (tools you use, what you’re anticipating the results will be, etc.) • What methodology, special techniques you used • Things you can to be careful about (e.g., contamination of chemicals) • What your results were • Problems you experienced, how you addressed them, whether you had to rerun the experiment and why • What you concluded – Did you get the results you expected? Why or why not? • What your results suggest in terms of additional experiments to take the work further
Fundamentals of Good Writing (Cont.) • Personal tone (I/we address you as audience) • Two examples to compare: • We have a crisis in the large numbers of K-12 students who are not receiving a high-quality education. • A crisis looms in the large numbers of K-12 students who are not receiving a high-quality education. • Use of analogy • Compare a technical concept or topic to something that your audience will be familiar with • Compare two apparently unrelated topics (ref: McKibben article) to make your point • Use of humor (though not always appropriate esp. in written communication) • Can help your audience better remember your points because your words are affecting a different part of their brains • Ref: McKibben article
This Assignment Is Due Today • Read Zinsser, pp. vii-76. • Write 250 words about yourself - your intellectual interests and passions. What scientific or technological issues, questions, or problems most interest you, and how do you think those interests will shape your life? (Source: MIT) Write this for your instructor who is unlikely to be familiar with your field, so please explain all jargon and acronyms. (This assignment will not be graded but rather serve as a benchmark for students' current writing level.) • Send it to me at ssides@sdsc.edu by 5PM today.
