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CONFLICT in Relationships

CONFLICT in Relationships. Conflict Misconceptions. Conflict is BAD If two people are in a fight, their relationship is a bad one Conflict damages relationships. Types of Conflict. Destructive Conflict dismantles relationships lack of flexibility Constructive Conflict

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CONFLICT in Relationships

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  1. CONFLICTin Relationships

  2. Conflict Misconceptions • Conflict is BAD • If two people are in a fight, their relationship is a bad one • Conflict damages relationships

  3. Types of Conflict • Destructive Conflict • dismantles relationships • lack of flexibility • Constructive Conflict • resolve issues or problems • suggest areas of change • confront areas of disagreement

  4. Why do relationships break-up? Reason for Relationship No Longer Exists Undefined Expectations Relational Changes Third-Party Relationships Inequitable Distribution of Rewards and Costs Money Work

  5. Conflict Management Styles • Nonconfrontational • placating • distracting • withdrawing • giving in

  6. Conflict Management Styles • Confrontational • All about power • Control • Win/lose philosophy

  7. Conflict Management Styles • Cooperative • Conflict is not a game • Conflict is a problem to be solved • Compromise or Cooperation

  8. Healthy Conflict Tips • DO use “I” language to take responsibility for your feelings • DO be empathetic • DO focus on the problem • DON’T use personal attacks • DON’T bring up the past • DON’T blame

  9. Using ‘I’ Messages Purpose – To identify problem behavior and help adjust / correct without being confrontational • Identify Behavior: “When you…” • Identify your feelings and why: “I feel ____” • State why it makes you feel this way: “Because it…” • Identify the desired outcome: “I would like for you to…” • How it would make you feel: “Because it would be…”

  10. “I” Message Example When you always text during dinner (#1 – Undesirable Behavior), it makes me feel hurt & ignored (#2 – Feeling) because I feel like you don’t want to spend time with me (#3 – Why). I would like for dinner time to be “no electronics time” (#4 – Desired behavior). I would love for us to just get to talk because I love hearing about your day and I miss just hanging out. (#5 – Why and validation).

  11. Crucial Conversations: Problem Solving Strategies • Mutual Purpose – required to ENTER dialogue • Work on finding a mutual purpose, even if it is as basic as ‘resolve the conflict’ • Mutual Respect – required to CONTINUE dialogue

  12. Crucial Conversations: 7 Steps to Healthy Conflict

  13. Crucial Conversations: 7 Steps to Healthy Conflict

  14. Crucial Conversations: 7 Steps to Healthy Conflict

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