Common Courtesies and Etiquette

1. Common Courtesies and Etiquette

2. Motivation Today, we’ll learn some common courtesies, the basics of etiquette, and how to handle any social situation with confidence.

3. Lesson overview What are etiquette and manners? When should you make social introductions? What is the protocol for a receiving line? How should you make personal introductions? How should you make introductions in informal situations?

4. Lesson overview (cont’d) When and how should you shake hands? What are the expected manners and courtesies before eating? What is a formal dining table setting? What are the American and European styles of eating? How should you use silverware?

5. Lesson overview (cont’d) How should you eat finger foods and soup? How should you use napkins? What are the basics of table manners? How should you make conversation during meals? How should you handle formal social invitations?

6. Lesson overview (cont’d) How should you dress for an event? What responsibilities do you have to the host? How should you write thank-you notes? What public courtesies should cadets observe? What hygiene and grooming basics should cadets observe?

7. Quick Talk What do you think are good rules and practices for courtesy and etiquette? Let’s talk about a few things that you do to maintain courtesy and etiquette in your everyday life.

8. What are etiquette and manners? Etiquette—code of behavior or courtesy based on rules of a polite society. Manners—socially correct ways of acting as shown in widespread customs. Both are based in common courtesy, sincerity, and consideration for others.

9. When should you make social introductions? You should introduce two people when you realize that they don’t know each other. At formal military receiving line functions, a designated person may be assigned to introduce everyone.

10. What is the protocol for a receiving line? Receiving line—a group of people who stand in line and welcome guests attending a function. Page 75 of text

11. What is the protocol for a receiving line? (cont’d) At a military event, the receiving line includes The host (SASI or commander of the unit holding the reception) The spouse or guest of the host The ranking honored guest, with his or her spouse or guest Other dignitaries with their guests

12. What is the protocol for a receiving line? (cont’d) Cadets and guests go through receiving line when they arrive. For couples, lady goes before gentleman. Adjutant may make introductions. Gentleman tells adjutant lady’s name and his own. If alone, individual gives name to adjutant. Adjutant introduces attendees to host. If no adjutant, gentleman makes introductions. Guests and host shake hands, exchange greeting.

13. How should you make personal introductions? Keep introductions simple and direct. Introduce juniors to seniors. Introduce gentlemen to ladies. Introduce parents to teachers. Use the correct title when introducing someone to a dignitary. Stand up to acknowledge an introduction.

14. How should you make introductions in informal situations? Use first names except for adults, seniors, or other important people. Remember names. Start a conversation or excuse yourself. Introduce yourself if there is no one to make the introduction.

15. When and how should you shake hands? All gentlemen and all JROTC cadets shake hands when introduced. Shake hands whenever someone extends a hand to shake. You do not have to shake hands at the end of a conversation.

16. When and how should you shake hands? (cont’d) How to shake hands Brief Firm and warm clasp Eye contact Do not Shake violently Grasp too tightly Shake for a long time Offer only fingertips

17. What are the expected manners and courtesies before eating? Gentlemen sit after all ladies at the table are seated. A gentleman may hold the chair for his guest and then for other ladies near him if ladies outnumber men. Sit up straight at the table. Do not touch anything on the table until after the blessing.

19. What is a formal dinner table setting?

20. What are the American and European styles of eating? American style (“zigzag” style) Hold fork in left hand, tines down. Put index finger on back of fork. Use fork to secure food to be cut. Hold knife in right hand. Cut no more than two or three bites of food. Put knife down. Move fork to right hand and eat.

21. What are the American and European styles of eating? (cont’d)

22. What are the American and European styles of eating? (cont’d) After finishing your main course Place knife and fork beside each other on dinner plate from 10:00 to 4:00 o’clock position. Server will know that plate may be removed.

23. What are the American and European styles of eating? (cont’d)

24. What are the American and European styles of eating? (cont’d) European style Hold fork in left hand. Hold knife in right hand. Cut food with knife. Eat food with fork. Keep fork in left hand. Keep knife in right hand. Cut and eat only one bite of food at a time.

25. How should you use silverware? Don’t Put used silverware back on the table Leave spoons in cups or bowls (put them on saucers or plates, instead) Lay a knife or fork half on a plate and half on the table Touch silverware you don’t use

26. How should you eat finger foods and soup? To eat soup Move the spoon away from you to fill it. Sip from the side of the spoon. Don’t slurp. Tip the bowl away from you. If soup is too hot, wait for it to cool.

27. How should you eat finger foods and soup? (cont’d) Foods that you can eat with your fingers Bread, rolls, biscuits Nuts Fresh fruit Olives Radishes, raw carrots Cookies, small cakes

28. How should you eat finger foods and soup? (cont’d) Place finger foods on the bread plate. Break (don’t cut) your serving of bread into pieces before buttering it. Butter and eat the pieces one by one.

29. How should you use napkins? Do not Tuck your napkin under your belt Wear your napkin like a bib Blow your nose on your napkin Do use your napkin to Dab your lips Catch spills Cover sneezes

30. How should you use napkins? (cont’d) If you need to leave the table during dinner Excuse yourself. Leave your napkin on your chair. When you leave the table at the end of dinner Place your napkin to the left of your plate. Push your chair to the table.

31. What are the basics of table manners? Don’t move or remove place cards. Eat politely. Take small bites. Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t make loud noises while you eat. Don’t talk with food in your mouth. Excuse yourself if you burp. Don’t put personal items on the table. Keep your hands and arms off the table.

32. What are the basics of table manners? (cont’d) Use silverware to pick up food that spills on the table. If something drops to the floor, pick it up after the meal. If you drop your silverware, ask the server to replace it. Taste your food before you season it. Hold a long-stemmed glass at the base of the bowl or on the stem.

33. What are the basics of table manners? (cont’d) Don’t ask to take food home. Don’t scold a server. Don’t pick food out of your teeth. Don’t leave before the host and the honored guests. Say good-bye to everyone at your table.

34. How should you make conversation during meals? Do not talk too quickly or too slowly. Keep the conversation light. Avoid controversial or private topics. Answer respectfully when addressed. Do not talk with food in your mouth.

35. How should you make conversation during meals? (cont’d) Do not yell or use profane, abusive, or vulgar language. Be a good listener. Don’t interrupt. Don’t laugh at others. If you must disagree, do it respectfully.

36. How should you handle formal social invitations? The invitation should tell you What you are invited for Where it will be held When you should be there What you should wear

37. How should you handle formal social invitations? (cont’d) R.S.V.P.—reply to the hosts to let them know if you will attend (see page 84 for definition) You may decline the invitation if you have other plans. To decline, explain that you have a conflicting duty or social engagement. Use good judgment for the invitations you refuse.

38. How should you handle formal social invitations? (cont’d) Plan your timing so you can be punctual. For dinners and receptions, arrive at the time on the invitation. For weddings, arrive before the time of the ceremony (listed on the invitation). At an open house, you are not expected to stay for the entire event. After a dinner party, stay at least an hour.

39. How should you dress for an event? Formal Gentlemen: tuxedo or uniform equivalent; suit may be acceptable Ladies: evening gown

40. How should you dress for an event? (cont’d) Informal Gentlemen: sport coat and tie Ladies: daytime dress or nice pants suit Casual Gentlemen: nice slacks and sports shirt Ladies: sundress or nice pants and blouse

41. What responsibilities do you have to the host? Greet the host immediately. Let the host run the event. Make conversation. Join activities. Thank the host when you leave.

42. How should you writethank-you notes? Send the note within two or three days. Use nice writing paper. Use the proper format. Make the note at least three paragraphs. Don’t invite yourself back. Use your own voice.

43. How should you writethank-you notes? (cont’d) Use correct grammar and spelling. Be neat. Don’t send thank-you notes as a group. If you’re on a planning committee for a Military Ball, send thank-you notes to everyone who helped. Use block style to address the envelope.

44. What public courtesies should cadets observe? Phone courtesies Don’t call during meal hours. Let the phone ring six times. Identify yourself when you call someone.

45. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) When talking on the phone Be polite. Speak slowly and clearly. Don’t eat, drink, or chew gum. Don’t talk to someone in the room. If a call you placed gets disconnected, call right back. Say “May I ask who is calling?” instead of “Who is this?” If you dial a wrong number, apologize and hang up. Leave a clear message.

46. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) Do not use a cell phone when you are In school At social gatherings or appointments Eating meals Driving Inconveniencing or disturbing others In many public places

47. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) If an older woman or gentleman wants your support, offer your arm. Do not offer your hand unless you cannot offer your arm. Hand holding in public is not appropriate. Offer your hand palm up. Gentlemen walk on the curbside or to the left of a lady.

48. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) Opening doors for others Gentleman who reaches the door first holds the door for others. If a lady opens a door, a gentleman may hold the door for her to continue. In cars, open and close the door for your guest.

49. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) Being responsible for your guest Tell your guest about traditions and courtesies. Discuss appropriate dress. You are responsible for your guest’s behavior. Introduce your guest to your friends. Be sure that your guest is not left alone at an event.

50. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) Treat all people with the utmost respect. Respect military seniors, elders, parents, teachers, and people in authority. Do not use slang or poor grammar. Do not address seniors by their first names.

51. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) Chewing gum Chew quietly and inconspicuously in public. Do not chew gum In formal situations At work If you are hosting If you are around food

52. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) Waiting in line Don’t be noisy. Don’t push ahead. Wait your turn.

53. What public courtesies should cadets observe? (cont’d) Be polite in conversation. Use the following sincerely Please Thank you You’re welcome Excuse me I’m sorry I beg your pardon Do not say, “Pardon me.”

54. What hygiene and grooming basics should cadets observe? Be well-groomed. Hair should be clean and neat. Shower and use deodorant daily. Brush and floss daily. Young men should shave as often as necessary. Cadet uniforms should be clean, pressed, and presentable.

55. Lesson review Etiquette is a code of behavior or courtesy based on rules of a polite society. Manners are socially correct ways of acting as shown in widespread customs. Make introductions when you realize that two people don’t know each other.

56. Lesson review (cont’d) A Military Ball’s receiving line includes the host and honored guests. All cadets go through a Military Ball’s receiving line. In a receiving line, people shake hands and exchange simple, pleasant greetings.

57. Lesson review (cont’d) Keep personal introductions simple and direct. Introduce juniors to seniors. Use a dignitary’s title when making an introduction. Introductions in informal situations may be casual.

58. Lesson review (cont’d) You may use first names in an informal situation unless you are referring to an adult, a senior, or another important person. After making an introduction, help start a conversation or excuse yourself.

59. Lesson review (cont’d) All gentlemen shake hands when introduced. All Air Force JROTC cadets shake hands when introduced. Shake hands whenever someone extends a hand to you.

60. Lesson review (cont’d) A proper handshake is brief, but the clasp should feel firm and warm. Maintain eye contact. Gentlemen help seat ladies before eating. Dinner guests do not touch anything on the table until after the blessing.

61. Lesson review (cont’d) A formal dining table setting includes silverware for each course of the meal. The American style of eating requires you to move the fork from hand to hand. The European style of eating requires you to hold the knife in your right hand and your fork in your left hand.

62. Lesson review (cont’d) Do not place used silverware back on the table. Leave unused silverware on the table in its proper position. Do not slurp soup. Certain foods such as bread, nuts, and fresh fruit may be eaten with your fingers.

63. Lesson review (cont’d) Break servings of bread into pieces before buttering and eating them. Use your napkin to dab your lips, catch spills, and cover sneezes. Take small bites. Excuse yourself if you burp.

64. Lesson review (cont’d) Keep hands, arms, and personal items off the table. Say good-bye to everyone at your table. Keep conversation at the table polite, light, safe, and non-controversial.

65. Lesson review (cont’d) Respond to a formal social invitation within two or three days. If an invitation does not tell you how to dress for an event, ask the host or hostess. When you arrive at a social event, find and greet the host or hostess first.

66. Lesson review (cont’d) Find the host or hostess to say thank you and good-bye when you leave. Send thank-you notes within two or three days of attending a social event. Write thank-you notes on writing paper.

67. Lesson review (cont’d) Observe public courtesies in all situations. Shower daily and be sure that your hair is neat and clean. Brush and floss daily. Young men should shave as often as necessary to be presentable.

68. Summary What are etiquette and manners? When should you make social introductions? What is the protocol for a receiving line? How should you make personal introductions? How should you make introductions in informal situations?

69. Summary (cont’d) When and how should you shake hands? What are the expected manners and courtesies before eating? What is a formal dining table setting? What are the American and European styles of eating? How should you use silverware?

70. Summary (cont’d) How should you eat finger foods and soup? How should you use napkins? What are the basics of table manners? How should you make conversation during meals? How should you handle formal social invitations?

71. Summary (cont’d) How should you dress for an event? What responsibilities do you have to the host? How should you write thank-you notes? What public courtesies should cadets observe? What hygiene and grooming basics should cadets observe?

72. Next Done— Common courtesies and etiquette Next— Managing stress