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Mate Selection and Marriage

Mate Selection and Marriage. Family Life. What first attracts you to the opposite sex? What characteristics are most important to you ?. You attract what you are….. not what you want. Halo effect: The assumptions that good-looking people possess more desirable social characteristics.

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Mate Selection and Marriage

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  1. Mate Selection and Marriage Family Life

  2. What first attracts you to the opposite sex? • What characteristics are most important to you? You attract what you are….. not what you want.

  3. Halo effect: The assumptions that good-looking people possess more desirable social characteristics. • Happiest couples feel their partner is attractive & they have the best sex lives. Appearance continues to be important through marriage. Changes in wife’s appearance have more effect than changes in husband’s appearance.

  4. THEORIES OF MATE SELECTION: • Men are valued for status & money. • Women are valued for good looks, child rearing & homemaking skills. Who is the most powerful man in America? Who is the most influential woman in America?

  5. MARRIAGE GRADIENT: Why men choose younger women & women choose higher status. • MARRIAGE SQUEEZE: Older women have fewer eligible males. Working women don’t need a man for a paycheck but want a companion.

  6. FIELD OF ELIGIBLES: Culture approves of potential partners. ENDOGAMY: Marriage within a particular group. EXOGAMY: Marriage outside a particular group. • Does not allow incestuous relationships. • Second cousins allowed to marry, first cousins over 40 years old. • Native Americans and Orientals marry outside race more often.

  7. OPPOSITES ATTRACT FACT OR FALLACY? Question: What things are important to have in common?

  8. Important Similarities • Race – 97% marriages of same race. • Religion – Greatest risk of divorce is if one is very religious. • Socioeconomic Status – Men often marry down, women often marry up. • Age – Members of same generation at same life tasks. Gap has narrowed and age entering marriage has climbed. • Propinquity – Residence, geographically limited locale (internet).

  9. Heterogamous Marriages Homogamous marriages are more likely to succeed because Heterogamous marriages: • Different values and lack understanding. • Lack approval from friends and family, less support. • Less conventional, therefore less likely to stay married for looks. Activity – Take Temperament test.

  10. WHO SHOULD I MARRY? PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE: • Both teens = 3 to 4 x more likely to divorce • Only 5% will last more than 5 years • Girl is a teen = 2 x more likely to divorce

  11. Predictors of Success • Common skills • Good emotional & physical health • High self esteem • High education level • Older age at first marriage • High social status • Longer courtship • average engagement 9 months • average acquaintance 2 – 2 1/2 years)

  12. Predictors of Success Parent Model • High marriage quality in family of origin • High level of happiness in childhood • Positive relationship between parents Support from significant others • Parent approval of spouse • Liking of in-laws • Support of friends

  13. HOW MANY GUYS WOULD ASK A GIRL OUT WITH OUT BEING GIVEN PERMISSION BEFOREHAND? Men are afraid of rejection from women. • 1% of men preferred women who waited to be asked. • 99% of men wanted women to hint to be asked. • 50% of men preferred women to ask them out.

  14. HOW DO YOU MEET PEOPLE FOR DATING? • Open field: A setting in which potential partners may not be likely to meet, characterized by large numbers of people who do not ordinarily interact, such as a beach, mall or campus. • Closed field: A setting in which potential partners may meet, characterized by a small number of people who are likely to interact, such as a class, dorm or party). Parties are the most common place 1/3 to 1/2 of all meetings are introductions by friends. (also internet, classified ads, dating services and churches)

  15. PROBLEMS IN DATING • Power is not usually a problem in dating but gender roles are. • Who pays? • Who decides? • Communication • Shyness • Sexual pressure

  16. Increasing: Divorced, widowed, never married • Delayed marriage • Employment options for women • Increased divorce & decreased likelihood of remarriage • More women in college • More liberal social & sexual standards • Uneven ratios of unmarried women to men

  17. SINGLEHOOD • Increases economic, & emotional independence. • Difficulty committing and doing what one ought to do rather than what one wants to do. • Men need women less than women need men thus men flee obligation. • Men less mentally healthy as single. • Media portrays singles as glorified and marriage as unsatisfied with affairs.

  18. TYPES OF NEVER MARRIEDS • Ambivalence: voluntary and temporary • Wishful: Involuntarily & temporary • Resolved: Permanent and prefer it • Regretful: Resigned to their fate. Often well educated, high income over 40 but no available men.

  19. MYTHS OF SINGLEHOOD • Singles are dependent on their parents • Singles are self-centered • Singles have more money (married couples are better off – dual incomes) • Singles are happier • Singles view single hood as a lifetime alternative

  20. CHARACTERISTICS OF SINGLEHOOD • Singles don’t fit into married society • Singles have more time • Singles have more fun • Singles are lonely

  21. COHABITATION

  22. COHABITATION LEGAL PROBLEMS • Can’t file joint tax return • Can’t make medical decisions • Can’t inherit • Can’t enter hospital or jail restricted to “family” • Can’t create estate trust • Can’t claim marital deduction on income tax • Can’t receive survivor insurance benefits • Can’t get health benefits, bereavement leave, etc • Can’t collect unemployment if you move for a partners job • Can’t get residency status for a noncitizen

  23. COMMITMENT • May not work as hard. • Lack of pooling of money • More fighting & violence • Man not expected to support his partner, both work • Less social support • Greater likelihood of divorce • More liberal, independent, less religious, lower income

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