Communicating Gender Matters

1. Communicating Gender Matters Oklahoma State University ADVANCE Program March 23, 2011 Facilitator: Brenda J. Allen University of Colorado Denver

2. Goals • Explore gender matters re: effective and empowered communication • Empowered: enabled; self-actualized • Effective: producing an intended result • Generate strategies for applying lessons learned

3. Communicating • Sharing meaning • Verbal, nonverbal • Diverse formal and informal contexts • Various media

4. Communicating Gender Matters

5. Language is power, in ways more literal than most people think. When we speak, we exercise the power of language to transform reality. Julia Penelope

6. Powerless Speech • Hedges: “I'm not really sure, but..” • Tags: • Verbal – “It's about time we started, isn't it?” • Vocal – Upward inflection • Nonverbal – Shrugs, facial expressions • Hesitations: “uh,” “like” • Intensifiers: “very,” “really,” “absolutely” • Ritual apologies

7. Negotiate To confer with someone to settle something

8. The most common way people give up their poweris by thinking they don't have any. Alice Walker

9. Gender and Negotiation* • Men initiate negotiations 4-8 times more often • 20% percent of women say they never “negotiate” at all • Women fear damaging relationships • Women feel more apprehensive • Different connotations: • Men -- “winning a ball game” and “a wrestling match” • Women – “going to the dentist” • Women are more pessimistic about potential; thus, they: • Set lower goals • Obtain less when they do negotiate • Are less satisfied with outcomes *Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever (2003). Women Don’t Ask.

10. Negotiation -- Recommendations • Reframe attitude toward negotiation • Practice asking • Double check all assumptions • Use information to your advantage • Learn to make credible “threats” • Be clear, precise and assertive when asking

11. Assertive Communication Positive, confident, affirmative statements and behavior

12. Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it. Maya Angelou

13. Communicating Assertively • Ask “wiifm?” • Maintain agency • Focus on actionable issues • Focus on outcome and vision • Maintain a clear sense of purpose • Strive for dialogue, not debate • Use objective language • Choose communication medium strategically • Be aware of body language

14. Assertive Communication – DESO* • Describe • Define the situation • Express • State your observations clearly • Emphasize + • Stay calm • Use “I” statements • Avoid martyrdom • Specify • Decide ahead of time what you want • Be clear and brief • Frame request positively • Focus on behavior • Outcome • Feelings, results, reward, or punishment Bower, S. A., & Bower, G. H. (1991). Asserting yourself: A practical guide for positive change. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing

15. How to say “no.” • Use assertive nonverbal cues • Postpone responding • Don’t make unnecessary excuses • Be willing to accept consequences • Don’t ask for permission • If appropriate, offer alternatives

16. Lessons Learned

17. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

18. Recommendations • Refine communication skills • Request and provide professional development • Work within your spheres of influence • Experiment • Collaborate with other female faculty • Cultivate networks • Inventory gender equity and assert change processes • Educate advocates, allies, and administrators

19. Resources • Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever • Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide • Ask for It • Phyllis Mindell • How to Say It for Women • Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen • The Aladdin Factor • Brenda J. Allen • Difference Matters: Communicating Social Identity • Implicit Association Tests www.implicit.harvard.edu • Women in Higher Education http://www.wihe.com/ • The Chair’s Role in Helping Faculty Negotiate Work and Family Issues: http://www.acenet.edu/resources/chairs/docs/Ward_Wolf_Wendel.pdf

20. I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. Louisa May Alcott