Commentary in AP World History Essays

1. Commentary in AP World History Essays

2. Standard essay format I. Thesis II. TS -- Evidentiary Paragraph 1 A. Evidence 1 B. Evidence 2 C. Evidence 3 D. Commentary III. TS -- Evidentiary Paragraph 2 IV. TS -- Evidentiary Paragraph 3

3. Standard structure for evidentiary paragraph • I. Topic Sentence – should be analytical (i.e. creates two categories) and one part of your overall thesis • II. Evidence – should be a concrete detail, factual (Who, what, where, when, why, and how). • III. Evidence • IV. Evidence • V. Commentary – can be about causation, impact (effects), global patterns, or other

4. Commentary should be relevant • Example: “The Roman practice of Paterfamilias reminds me of my uncle, who is always trying to boss everybody around.” • This commentary is irrelevant • Example: “The Roman practice of Paterfamilias fits into a global pattern of patriarchy that began with urbanization.”

5. Commentary for a comparative essay should focus on CAUSATION • What are the underlying REASONS for the similarities? • E.g. “Because both the Egyptian and Mesopotamian river-valley civilizations had agricultural surplus, specialization was possible.” • E.g. “Underlying belief systems in Han China and Rome laid groundwork for the inferior status of women.”

6. You can add in other types of commentary, but MAKE SURE YOU ADDRESS CAUSATION • Impact – looks at effects from short-term to long term • Immediate impact looks at “proximal” consequences • E.g. “The immediate impact of Paterfamilias was to deny women political participation in the Roman Republic.” • E.g. “The immediate impact of being situated on a river-valley was to necessitate infrastructure improvements”

7. Impact commentary (cont) • Long-term impact looks at extended consequences (“Distal” effects) • E.g. “The extended effects of Paterfamilias included a precedent of male dominance that survived the fall of the Western Roman empire and became embodied in Christian doctrine.” • E.g. “The distal effects of being situated on a river-valley included the rise of the first civilizations in these areas, which became cultural hearths from which diffusion to other areas occurred.” (Three degrees of impact in the statement above)

8. Both Islam and Buddhism spread along trade routes, but Buddhism did not inspire political powers. Buddhism spread along the Silk Road and Indian Ocean networks, as did Islam. The Caliphates, however, represented political and religious authority in the Muslim world. Even after the fall of the Abbasid Caliphate individual states called Sultanates rose up. Sharia provided a legal code on which to administer areas. Buddhism never inspired a governmental structure. Because Buddhism provided no legal code and focused on the afterlife, it was rarely political. Existing trade routes provided quick paths for the diffusion of both religions.

9. In both West Africa and SE Asia a syncretic version of Islam retained more freedom for women, however West Africa had centers of religious authority unlike SE Asia. Women in SE Asia were traditionally given equal status and political roles, such as the Troung sisters of Vietnam. In Ghana women were allowed public presence and did not wear the veil. Ghana had a traditional capital as well as a Muslim-ruled trade city which provided central authority. There was no such central authority in SE Asia. (your causation commentary here)