Proactive parenting
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Proactive Parenting. Combining Love, Logic and Consistency. Parenting Styles. What they mean and how it affects the relationship you have with your child. Drill Sergeant. Gives orders “Because I said so” Focus on what the child is NOT doing Punishments focused

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Proactive Parenting

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Proactive parenting

Proactive Parenting

Combining Love, Logic and Consistency


Parenting styles

ParentingStyles

What they mean and

how it affects the relationship you have with your child


Drill sergeant

Drill Sergeant

  • Gives orders “Because I said so”

  • Focus on what the child is NOT doing

  • Punishments focused

  • Relationship between parent and child is a struggle.

  • Child feels powerless and misunderstood


Helicopter

Helicopter

  • Focus on their child not their own needs

  • “Hover”

  • Parents constantly rescue their kids from failure.

  • The message is “you are not capable”

  • The child is in control and can become manipulative and self-centered


Consultant

Consultant

  • Expectations are clear and concise

  • The child is given choices

  • Democratic balance of power

  • The message is “you are capable”

  • Good communication

  • The relationship between parents and child is balanced and respectful.


Crime and punishment

Crime and Punishment

How you discipline your child can make or break your relationship


Punishment vs consequence

Punishment vs. Consequence

Punishment

Consequence

Definition“that which follows some action.”

In other words, it is referring to cause and effect. Sometimes referred to as “natural consequence.

Ex:

If you lie often, people won’t trust you.

If you go outside without a coat, you will get cold.

Definition “pain inflicted on a person guilty of some offense.”

  • The punishment does not necessarily have to bear any relationship to the offense.

    Ex: A child forgets to do his chores and loses TV, video games, phone, ipod, gets grounded etc…


The cycle of discipline punishment

The Cycle of DisciplinePunishment


The cycle of discipline consequences

The Cycle of DisciplineConsequences


Traditional discipline

“Traditional” Discipline


This is the real world

This is the Real World!

The logistics of raising responsible children


What is the purpose of consequences

What is the purpose of consequences?

  • To teach children and help them learn and grow

  • To prepare them for life on their own

  • To teach them about healthy, long term relationships.

  • To teach long term cause and effect thinking about their behavior.

  • A Consequence is NOT about power- Kids don’t learn from a power struggle


Logical consequences

Logical Consequences

  • Repair the relationship

  • Apology of action

  • Restitution


Using real world logic

Using Real World Logic

  • Is this consequence going to have the same implications for the child as it would if an adult behaved this way?

  • Examples:

    Child yelling at parents

    Child not doing work


Your relationship with your child gives the consequence power

Your relationship with your child gives the consequence power

Relationship = Foundation for discipline

Take an interest- remember why you love them

Forgive yourself and forgive you child

It is not being permissive to back off and restore the relationship.

Do we as adults respond better to people who take an interest in us?

How do you feel when you anger someone who doesn’t like you?


Positive ways to help kids learn and grow

Positive Ways to Help Kids Learn and Grow

  • Listen to you child

  • Use reparative consequences

  • Let your children make mistakes as long as it is safe.

  • Always act out of love rather than anger

  • Pick your battles

  • Limit your words-no lectures


Love logic

Love & Logic

Lovewill provided a safe and secure environment for the child to grow and thrive.

Logic can help them to understand that their actions have an impact on other people.

They can learn the consequences of their behavior and that they have a responsibility to repair any hurt they have done.


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