Essays & Resume Building. Dunbar Pre-Engineering High School First Workshop October 28, 2007. Workshop Objectives. By the end of this presentation, you will be able to: Craft an AMAZING resume Know how to use action verbs Share effective ways to enhance essays Lets get started!. Resumes.
Dunbar Pre-Engineering High School
October 28, 2007
Lets get started!
Are your explanations clear and easy to follow?
1234 Washington Road Washington, DC 20007 (202) 246-0607 [email protected]
Brookline High School (Brookline, MA) GPA: 3.02/4.00
Expecting high school diploma in June, 1999
Advanced Placement Courses in Comparative Government, 1999
Intern, Massachusetts Attorney General's Office (Boston, MA) June-July, 1998
Completed research on high school truancy in Massachusetts.
Sales Associate, Gap, Inc. (Brookline, MA) June- August, 1997
Assisted customers, processed payments, greeted customers, answered phones, and cooperatively worked with other employees.
Traffic Clerk, Brookline Police Department (Brookline, MA) June, 1993 - February, 1996
Processed payments, entered data into a database, sorted citations, filed materials, and completed special projects.
Co-Captain, Varsity Volleyball (Brookline High School) 1998-1999
Help lead practices, team events, and led team to conference championship [describe what you did]
Co-Founder, R.E.A.C.H (Racism, Education, and Communication in Brookline High School) 1996 - 1999
Led student-led task force to research the tracking practices at our high school.
Most Valuable Player, Varsity Volleyball, 1999
Who's Who Among American High School Students, 1997
The Sagamore, Contributing Sports Writer, 1998
Eighth Dimension Community Service Club, 1997-1999
Reading, traveling, spending time with my family, jewelry making, and photography.
Available upon request
Harvard University Personal EssayThis personal statement helps us become acquainted with you in ways different from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself. We are looking for an essay that will help us know you better as a person and as a student. Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. Please indicate your topic by check the appropriate box. Attach your essay to the last page on a separate sheet(s) (same size please). You must put your full name, date of birth, and name of secondary school on each sheet.
__ 1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
__ 2. Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
__ 3. Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
__ 4. Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.
__ 5. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
__ 6. Topic of your choice
From the time I was able to realize what a university was, all I heard from my mother's side of the family was about the University of Michigan and the great heritage it has. Many a Saturday afternoon my grandfather would devote to me, by sitting me down in front of the television and reminiscing about the University of Michigan while halftime occurred during a Michigan Wolverines football game. Later, as I grew older and universities took on greater meaning, my mother and uncle, both alumni of the University of Michigan, took me to see their old stamping grounds. From first sight, the university looked frightening because of its size, but with such a large school comes diversity of people and of academic and non-academic events.
There is a lack of focus. Where is the author going with this? The author also needs to tighten up some of the phrasing. For example, instead of “from first sight” it should state “immediately.”
In Springfield High School, non-academic clubs such as the Future Physicians and the Pylon, both of which I have belonged to for two years, give me an opportunity to see both the business world and the medical world.
These two clubs have given me a greater sense of what these careers may be like. In Future Physicians, I participated in field trips to children's hospitals and also participated in two bloodbanks.
Abrupt transition into the 2nd paragraph.
Currently I hold a job at Maas Brothers. This lets me interact with people outside my own immediate environment. I meet different kinds of people, in different moods, with different attitudes, and with different values. This job teaches me to be patient with people, to have responsibility, and to appreciate
people for what they are.
What does the author do at Mass Brothers exactly?
The past three years of my life have given me greater visions of my future. I see the University of Michigan as holding a large book with many unread chapters and myself as an eager child who has just learned to read. I intend to read and probe into all the chapters. The University of Michigan offers me more than the great reputation of this fine school, but a large student body with diverse likes and dislikes, and many activities, both academic and non-academic, to participate in. With the help of the University of Michigan, I will be successful after college and be able to make a name and place for myself in our
Overall, the essay lacks focus and proof. A lot of information repeats itself.
In the community I am active in my church Youth Group. As a high school sophomore, I was our church's representative to the Diocesan Youth Fellowship. I helped organize youth group events, the largest being "The Bishop's Ball," a state-wide event for 300 young people. I also played high school junior varsity soccer for two years. As a senior I will be playing varsity soccer, but in the off-season. As a junior I coached a girls' soccer team for the town. This gave me a great deal of responsibility because the care of twenty-four girls was put into my custody. It felt very satisfying to pass on the knowledge of soccer to another generation. The girls played teams from other parts of Florida. Though their record was 3-8, the girls enjoyed their season. This is what I taught them was the greatest joy of soccer.
Information in this period has already appeared elsewhere in the essay.
A great application essay will present a vivid, personal, and compelling view of you to the admissions staff. It will round out the rest of your application and help you stand out from the other applicants. The essay is one of the only parts of your application over which you have complete control, so take the time to do a good job on it. Check out these tips before you begin.
Develop your main idea with vivid and specific facts, events, quotations, examples, and reasons. There's a big difference between simply stating a point of view and letting an idea unfold in the details:
Avoid clichéd, generic, and predictable writing by using vivid and specific details.
Don't Write a Resume
Don't Use 50 Words When Five Will Do
Eliminate unnecessary words.
Don't Forget to Proofread
I know you can do it!!!