Elaine wilson parenting specialist
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Brenda Sheik Home Economist. Tammy Fowler Assistant Parenting Specialist. Elaine Wilson Parenting Specialist. Divorce changes a family. Consider children’s ages and interests when making family decisions. Lifestyle the child experiences. The child’s interests determine appropriate:.

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Elaine Wilson Parenting Specialist

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Elaine wilson parenting specialist

Brenda

Sheik

Home

Economist

Tammy Fowler

Assistant Parenting Specialist

Elaine

Wilson

Parenting

Specialist


Elaine wilson parenting specialist

Divorce changes a family.Consider children’s ages and interests when making family decisions.Lifestyle the child experiences.


The child s interests determine appropriate

The child’s interests determine appropriate:

  • parenting activities

  • visitation arrangements

  • explanations of divorce

  • family lifestyles


Elaine wilson parenting specialist

  • Co-parenting is lifelong.

  • Stress management techniques strengthens children and the family.

  • Use support services.


Agenda

AGENDA

  • 6:30 pmRegistration

  • 6:35 pmIntroduction

  • 6:45 pmPositive Aspects of Divorce

  • 7:00 pmManaging Stress

  • 7:20 pmBreak

  • 7:30 pmDevelopment and Divorce

  • 8:00 pmReferrals

  • 8:30 pmAttendance


You will learn

You will learn:

  • how to talk about your family lifestyle

  • how to manage stress

  • wise custody and visitation

  • how to co-parent


Positive features of co parenting families

Positive Features of Co-Parenting Families

  • Fastest growing family type

  • Strong parent-child relationships

  • Brothers and sisters close


Children learn

Children Learn

  • home management skills

  • to be cautious about marriage

  • self reliance

  • realistic expectations of adults


Managing stress

Managing Stress

  • Maintain routines

  • Talk about feelings

  • Delegate

  • Release tension


Grief

Grief

  • Denial

  • Anger

  • Bargaining

  • Depression

  • Acceptance


Elaine wilson parenting specialist

HELPFUL HINTS FROM RESEARCH


At all ages children need

At all ages children need:

Predictable, dependable routines.

Attention to abilities and interests.

Parents who communicate.

Friends for support and relaxation.

Help managing fear, stress and anger.

Stable adults.

Reassurance.


Stages of divorce

Stages of Divorce

1. Disillusionment - giving up

2. Erosion - things get worse

3. Detachment - emotional distance

4. Physical Separation - moves out

5. Mourning - grief, sadness

6. Second Adolescence - acting out, wild, crazy

7. Resolution - calm, stable, single person


Children can feel all of the emotions that adults feel

Children can feel all of the emotions that adults feel.

AbandonmentDenial

DisappointmentFear

GuiltInsecure

RejectionShock

Sense of something terrible.


Explaining divorce to children

Explaining divorce to children

Goal 1 - Still parents

Goal 2 - Mutual decision

Goal 3 - Get help

Goal 4 - Communicate


Key concepts

Key Concepts

Marriage ends.

Parenthood continues.

Mutual decision.

Brothers and sisters bond.

The divorce is permanent.

Other people can help us.

The divorce was a “grown up” decision.


Lifelong process

Lifelong Process

Changing understanding

Blame

Guilt

Responsibility

Permanent

Accept change


Infant and toddler

Infant and Toddler

Secure routine Holding and cuddling

Simple explanationsBasic needs

Verbal and physical assurance of love and protection.

Set limits and provide consistent follow through.

Parent needs to seek support from others.


Preschooler

Preschooler

Tell 1-2 weeks before a change.

Parent model.

Predictable, stable routine.

Make few changes.

Introduce necessary changes gradually.


Preschooler continued

Preschooler (continued)

Give verbal and physical reassurance.

Avoid unnecessary separation.

Assure child of your return.

Read aloud age appropriate books on family.

Encourage play.


School age

School-age

Tell as soon as possible.

Needs sense of family.

Do family projects and activities.

Stable school and social activities with parents involved.

Reassurance that parents will continue as parents.

Be clear that divorce is permanent.

Encourage play and exercise.


Teenage

Teenage

Tell as soon as possible.

Allow child time to handle feelings.

Structure and routine.

Avoid power struggles.

Be available.

Be clear that divorce is permanent.

Encourage physical exercise.

Maintain parent role.

Maintain adult privacy.


Arrangements for being with the non custodial parent

Arrangements for Being with the Non-custodial Parent

AgeLocationLengthMin. Freq.Needs

Infantchild’s 1-4 hrs2 x’s per wkroutine

homefamiliar place

Toddleroutside1 day1 x per wkfavorite child’s no overnightobjects

homeroutine

Pre-outsideovernight1 x per wkfavorite

schoolchild’s1 dayobjects home 1 week pattern


Elaine wilson parenting specialist

AgeLocationLengthMin. Freq.Needs

School-outsideweekend1 x per wkbelongings in

agechild’sto 6 wkseach homehomeparent involved

predictable pattern

Teenageroutsidefew min.1 contactpeers

child’s1 yr or pernegotiable

homemoreweekactivities

insideemployment

dorm


Infant

Infant

within child’s home

1-4 hours

2 times each week

no overnights

regular routine


Toddler

Toddler

  • outside child’s home

  • take favorite objects along

  • entire day

  • visit at least once a week

  • no overnights

  • maintain routine


Preschooler1

Preschooler

  • outside child’s home

  • take favorite objects along

  • overnight to one week

  • at least one time each week

  • predictable pattern


School age1

School-age

  • outside child’s home

  • one time each week

  • own belongings in each home

  • overnight to six weeks

  • one time each week

  • predictable pattern

  • parent involvement in activities


Teenager

Teenager

  • outside child’s home or in dorm room or apartment

  • peer relations, activities, employment, independence, mobility

  • few minutes to one year or longer

  • at least weekly contact

  • negotiable routine


Developmentally appropriate arrangements

Developmentally Appropriate Arrangements

More visitation is generally better than less.

Children adjust better when parents are not hostile.

Greater distance requires greater effort.

Telephone calls, letter, fax and e:mail supplement time together.

Child’s needs take precedence over adults needs.


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OKLAHOMA COOPERATIVE EXTENSION SERVICE


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