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Coping with Difficult People by Robert M. Bramson 1988

Coping with Difficult People by Robert M. Bramson 1988. Hostile Aggressive: Sherman Tank Abusive, abrupt, intimidating, overwhelming Attack personal behaviors and characteristics A need to prove s/he is right The Sniper

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Coping with Difficult People by Robert M. Bramson 1988

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  1. Coping with Difficult Peopleby Robert M. Bramson 1988 • Hostile Aggressive: • Sherman Tank • Abusive, abrupt, intimidating, overwhelming • Attack personal behaviors and characteristics • A need to prove s/he is right • The Sniper • Pot shots, innuendoes, non-playful teasing, subtle digs, don’t like confrontation • The Exploder • Tantrums, rage filled attacks, blame, suspicion

  2. Coping Plan for Sherman Tanks • Give them a little time to run down • Jump in any way you can • Get their attention (proximity, call by name) • Get them to sit down • Maintain Eye Contact • State your opinions forcefully • Don’t argue

  3. Coping Plan for Snipers • Surface the attack • Provide a peaceful alternative to a direct contest • Seek group confirmation or denial of the Sniper’s criticism • Move on to solve any problems that arise

  4. Coping Plan for Exploders • Give them time to run down • If they don’t run down, cut into the tantrum with a neutral phrase like “stop” • Show them that you take them seriously • If possible, take a breather with them to the side and in private

  5. Complainers: • May point out real problems, but rarely wants to solve them • Feel powerless to determine fate • Strong sense of how others should behave (prescriptive) • Self-validating that they are not in control or responsible for things that are done wrong (perfectionism)

  6. Coping Plan for Complainers • Listen attentively • Acknowledge what they are saying • Don’t agree with them or apologize • Avoid the accusation-defense-re-accusation • State and acknowledge facts • Try to get them into a problem-solving mode (ask questions, assign tasks, etc.) • If all else fails, ask “How do you want this discussion to end?”

  7. Clams • Silent and unresponsive or responds with yes, no or grunt • May use body language (staring, glaring, frowning, folded arms) • This may occur for different reasons • Defensive, denying access, distrust, avoiding reality, mask fears, sullen anger, spiteful

  8. Coping Plan for Clams • Get the clam to open up • Ask open-ended questions • Wait for a response, don’t fill silence with conversation • Plan time to wait with composure • If no response, comment on it • If they open, be attentive and don’t gush • If Clam stays closed, avoid a polite ending, end the meeting, and set another appointment

  9. Super Agreeables • Strong need to be liked • Make others feel liked • Tell you things that are satisfying to hear • Commit to unrealistic actions • Lead you to believe that there is agreement and then let you down

  10. Coping Plan for Super Agreeables • Surface the underlying facts and issues that prevent them from taking action • Let them know that you value them as people • Ask them to tell you about things that might interfere with your good relationship • Be ready to compromise and negotiate • Listen to the humor for hidden messages

  11. Negativist • Criticizes the group process • Believe that everything will fail (skeptic) • Negative statements are made with conviction • Believe those in power do not care

  12. Coping Plan for Negativist • Be alert to being dragged down • Make realistic, optimistic statements • Do not try to argue • Do not offer solutions-alternatives until the problem has been thoroughly discussed • Raise negative statements yourself • Be ready to take action on your own

  13. Know-it-alls • Bulldozers • Tone of certainty, condescending • Imposing • Assigns blame • Make others feel stupid • Balloons • Act knowledgeable, arrogant • Curious and alert to information

  14. Coping Plan for Bulldozers • Prepare yourself • Listen carefully and acknowledge • Do not challenge, use questions • Monitor your own bulldozing tendencies • As a last resort, choose to subordinate yourself

  15. Coping Plan for Balloons • Restate facts • Give him/her a way out, save face • Be ready to fill conversation gap • Cope with him/her alone

  16. Indecisives • Perfectionist at heart • Unable to cope with stress • Super-helpful • Postpones decisions, procrastinates • Hint and beat around the bush

  17. Coping Plan for Indecisives • Make it easy for them to tell you about conflicts or reservations • Listen for indirect words, hesitations, and omissions • Help them resolve problems when issues have surfaced • Help them examine facts • Give support after the decision • Watch for signs of anger or withdrawal

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