Building a Marriage with a Mission

Building a Marriage with a Mission Week1 - Ensuring a Strong Biblical Foundation

Using 3 Building Blocks… • The Class - Building a Marriage With a Mission

Using 3 Building Blocks… • Pastoral Counseling (if done by a WBC pastor: 2-3 sessions) • Foccus Process – Assessment Tool • Read and Discuss “When Sinners say I Do” by Dave Harvey • Meet with the Pastor performing the ceremony • Community • Commit to a Community Group that will encourage you to grow closer to Christ as you seek to participate in His mission,

Getting to know each other … • WHAT IS YOUR STORY? • Get with one other couple and share your story… • Pre your relationship • How you met • When did you know that they were the one?…

A number of questions… • On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being high), how high of a priority will your marriage be to you? • On a scale of 1-10, how important is a healthy marriage in the eyes of God? • On a scale of 1-10 how much time, effort, money, planning and focus have you given to preparing for marriage? • The million dollar question: WHY are you getting married?

Did one of you ask this?  • FROM: • http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071211072359AAt5qc1 • What are some good reasons to get married? • I’m getting married soon and we have to meet with the pastor who will be marrying us. I know that he is going to ask us why we want to be married. Both of us are shy and timid and I do not want to choke up and say the only reason is because we love each other. Which don’t get me wrong is a very important component. But I’m sure that he is expecting more. And I truly do not want him to think we are not ready. I love my fiancé and I would take a bullet for him. But how can I put that into sophisticated words so the pastor will think we are ready. You may be thinking that if we can’t find the words then maybe we aren't ready but yes we are. We just are both very shy when it comes to confrontation and we can't express our feelings in an uncomfortable situation. Please give me some reasons that the pastor would approve of. :)

Why are you getting married? • Top 5 answers • Love • Want to serve together … • They complete me… (Next 2 answers were on the link from the prior page) • The best advise I ever got was not to marry someone you think you can live with the rest of your life...marry the one you can’t live without. • I would let them know that you see your fiancé as your life partner, best friend, person you want to have your future with/kids with. • Why may these answers fall short? • They focus on what you can get out of marriage. • Have you changed in the last 5 years? • How will you change in the next 10? Next 20?

Why do I exist? • A better question – • Why are you alive? What is the purpose of your life? • Westminster Catechism: • Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God,[1] and to enjoy him forever.[2] • Isaiah 60:21. Thy people also shall be all righteous: they shall inherit the land for ever, the branch of my planting, the work of my hands, that I may be glorified. • Romans 11:36. For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen. • 1 Corinthians 6:20; 10:31. For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.... Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. • Revelation 4:11. Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.

The gospel and marriage … • What’s the gospel? • What difference does it make in marriage? • Where are you? • A) Pre decision to accept Christ’s work on the cross • B) Accepted Christ, but not walking closely or growing • C) Accepted Christ and trying to follow Him Growing Closer to Christ B C A

God’s Intent for Marriage • A Christian home is established by God to reflect His love, purity and patience. • Marriage is a covenant commitment and companionship between three persons: a man, a woman, and God…

But why marriage? Why do a husband and wife come together? Gen 2:20-24 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Pushing the Vision • The first mission of marriage: Personal Transformation • Only marriage is “hot enough to bring out the worst parts in your character.” • We too easily embrace the world’s vision … • A test … • Do you believe the Bible is the vehicle to make us holy (more like Christ)? • Do you believe God wants you to spend time in the Bible together (as a couple)? • Do you believe, compared to many other things in life, reading the Bible together is easy? • Did you read the Bible together 2 or more times in the past week? • We say we want oneness, but we don’t practice the disciplines that bring it about… • The trajectory for your marriage starts now …

An integrated relationship/home LIFE PURPOSE FAMILY/ KIDS MARRIAGE SEX

An integrated relationship/home – or a non integrated one Family gets the leftovers Marriage for the wrong reasons – no focus on marriage LIFE PURPOSE FAMILY/ KIDS MARRIAGE SEX Sex without relationship and commitment Best case: Kids are a nuisance – worst case abortion

Family life survey – 5 things I wish I had known before Marriage • Marriage is not all about you. • You are about to learn a painful lesson – you are both very selfish people… • The person you love the most is also the person who can hurt you the deepest. • You can’t make it work on your own. • Never stop enjoying each other. www.familylife.com

Scary Facts • 50% of first marriages end in divorce • 67% of second marriages end in divorce • 74% of third marriages end in divorce • Along the way, we are going to discuss some of the pot holes… • Finances, Sex, Communication … • Specific lie for today … • Avoiding the economics of marriage… • The world says if I get more than I put in, I’m doing ok. • Bible says – we love in spite of … unconditionally www.divorcerate.org

A short video… • http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7D7ZWNNX

Key Passages to read about Marriage Homework • 1 Corinthians 13 • Ephesians 5:21-33 • 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 • 1 Peter 3:1-7 • Proverbs 5:1-17

For Discussion • Why do you think so many couples focus so much time on getting ready for the wedding, rather than getting ready for marriage? • How do you think most engaged couples would answer the question “why are you getting married?” • Do you buy into the model of connecting life purpose  marriage  sex  family/children? • Are you worried about being a marriage casualty? • Discuss with your fiancé/potential spouse what worries you the most about what we have talked about today.

Building a Marriage with a Mission