Chapter 7 love attraction attachment and intimate relationships
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Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships. What Is Love?. Difficult to define special attitude with behavioral and emotional components different things to different people difficult to measure. What Is Love? (cont.). Rubin's "love scale" 3 components attachment

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Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships

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Chapter 7 love attraction attachment and intimate relationships

Chapter 7Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships


What is love

What Is Love?

  • Difficult to define

    • special attitude with behavioral and emotional components

    • different things to different people

    • difficult to measure


What is love cont

What Is Love? (cont.)

  • Rubin's "love scale"

    • 3 components

      • attachment

      • caring

      • intimacy


Types of love

Types of Love

  • Passionate love (infatuation)

    • intense psychological feelings

    • generalized physiological arousal, strong sexual desire

    • avoid conflict, feelings of completeness

    • short-lived


Types of love cont

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Companionate love

    • less intense

    • friendly affection & deep attachment

    • familiarity & tolerance for short-comings

    • more enduring than passionate love


Types of love cont1

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Sternberg's triangular theory

    • 3 components

      • passion

      • intimacy

      • commitment


Types of love cont2

Types of Love (cont.)

Fig. 7.1 Sternberg’s love triangle: (passion, intimacy and commitment) and the various kinds of love as reflected in different combinations of the three components. Note: Nonlove is the absence of all three components.


Types of love cont3

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Sternberg's triangular theory

    • passion builds then fades

    • intimacy & commitment continue to build

    • variations in components yield different kinds of love

      • intimacy alone = friendship

      • passion alone = infatuation

      • commitment alone = empty love


Types of love cont4

Types of Love (cont.)

Fig. 7.2 Sternberg theorizes that the passion component of love peaks early in a relationship and then declines, whereas the other two components, intimacy and commitment, continue to build gradually over time.


Types of love cont5

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Lee's styles of loving

    • romantic (eros)

    • game-playing (ludus)

    • possessive (mania)

    • compassionate (storge)

    • altruistic (agape)

    • pragmatic (pragma)


Falling in love why and with whom

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom

  • The chemistry of love

    • neurotransmitters

      • norepinephrine

      • dopamine

      • phenylethylamine (PEA)

      • oxytocin

    • endorphins

    • loss and neurotransmitter withdrawal


Falling in love why and with whom cont

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Proximity

    • mere exposure effect

    • familiarity breeds predictability  greater comfort

    • greater proximity often reflects shared interests


Falling in love why and with whom cont1

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Similarity

    • level of physical attractiveness

    • age, educational status and religion

    • race and ethnicity

    • Why?

      • share similar interests & activities

      • communicate better

      • confirm own views & experiences

      • supportive of values & beliefs


Falling in love why and with whom cont2

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

Fig. 7.5 Noncohabitational Sexual Partnerships by Race and Sex


Falling in love why and with whom cont3

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Reciprocity

    • when someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back

    • increases self-esteem

    • increases likelihood of relationship enduring


Falling in love why and with whom cont4

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Physical attractiveness

    • "what's beautiful is good" belief

    • status by association

    • most important in early stages

    • may be an indice of physical health

    • heterosexual males place greater value


Falling in love why and with whom cont5

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Sociobiology- behavior explained by evolutionary needs (Buss)

    • men attracted to young attractive females to maximize reproductive success

    • women attracted to older, established men to maximize their reproductive success


Falling in love why and with whom cont6

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

Fig. 7.3 How willing would you be to marry someone who….


The development of intimacy

The Development of Intimacy

  • Self-love

    • genuine interest, concern, respect for self

    • prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others


Love and styles of attachment

Love and Styles of Attachment

  • Attachment; intense emotional tie

    • Attachment style (Ainsworth)

      • secure attachment

      • insecure attachment

      • anxious-ambivalent attachment

    • Attachment styles in adulthood


The development of intimacy cont

The Development of Intimacy (cont.)

  • The phases of a relationship

    • inclusion: an invitation to relate

    • response: agreeing to relate

    • care: concern for other's welfare

    • trust: support and care for each other

    • affection: warmth & attachment; desire

    • playfulness: delight in each other

    • genitality: decision to engage in sex


Issues in loving relationships

Issues in Loving Relationships

  • Relationship between love & sex

    • several possibilities

    • questions to ask

      • does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?

      • do men & women have different views of sex & love?


Issues in loving relationships cont

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)

  • Does sexual orientation affect views of sex & love?

    • homosexual men more likely to separate love from sex; lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established

    • falling in love with a same sex person often helps in gay or lesbian identity


Issues in loving relationships cont1

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)

  • Sex & relationships on your terms

    • sexual expression is an individual decision

      • steps to take

      • knowing and asking for what you want

      • friendships without sex

      • saying "not yet" to sex

      • ending a relationship

      • managing rejection


Issues in loving relationships cont2

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)

  • Jealousy in relationships

    • Jealousy-prone person

      • low self-esteem

      • high value on wealth and popularity

    • Negative consequences

      • precipitates partner violence

      • stifles relationship development

      • raises anxiety, depression, anger

    • Sex differences


Maintaining relationship satisfaction cont

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Ingredients in lasting love relationship

    • self-acceptance

    • appreciation of each other's qualities

    • commitment

    • good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests

    • ability to face & deal with conflict


Maintaining relationship satisfaction cont1

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Characteristics of high quality relationships

    • Supportive communication

    • Companionship

    • Sexual expression and variety

    • Seeing partner as best friend

    • Maintaining frequent positive interaction


Maintaining relationship satisfaction cont2

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Individual and relationship growth

    • growth and change maintain relationship

    • overcome obstacles

      • view problems as challenges

      • negotiate and renegotiate wants

      • accept each other as unique


Maintaining relationship satisfaction cont3

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Sexual Variety

    • communication is critical

    • be spontaneous

    • plan for intimate time

    • don't worry about frequency "standards"


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