Chapter 7 love attraction attachment and intimate relationships
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Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships. What Is Love?. Difficult to define special attitude with behavioral and emotional components different things to different people difficult to measure. What Is Love? (cont.). Rubin's "love scale" 3 components attachment

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Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships

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Chapter 7Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships

What Is Love?

  • Difficult to define

    • special attitude with behavioral and emotional components

    • different things to different people

    • difficult to measure

What Is Love? (cont.)

  • Rubin's "love scale"

    • 3 components

      • attachment

      • caring

      • intimacy

Types of Love

  • Passionate love (infatuation)

    • intense psychological feelings

    • generalized physiological arousal, strong sexual desire

    • avoid conflict, feelings of completeness

    • short-lived

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Companionate love

    • less intense

    • friendly affection & deep attachment

    • familiarity & tolerance for short-comings

    • more enduring than passionate love

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Sternberg's triangular theory

    • 3 components

      • passion

      • intimacy

      • commitment

Types of Love (cont.)

Fig. 7.1 Sternberg’s love triangle: (passion, intimacy and commitment) and the various kinds of love as reflected in different combinations of the three components. Note: Nonlove is the absence of all three components.

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Sternberg's triangular theory

    • passion builds then fades

    • intimacy & commitment continue to build

    • variations in components yield different kinds of love

      • intimacy alone = friendship

      • passion alone = infatuation

      • commitment alone = empty love

Types of Love (cont.)

Fig. 7.2 Sternberg theorizes that the passion component of love peaks early in a relationship and then declines, whereas the other two components, intimacy and commitment, continue to build gradually over time.

Types of Love (cont.)

  • Lee's styles of loving

    • romantic (eros)

    • game-playing (ludus)

    • possessive (mania)

    • compassionate (storge)

    • altruistic (agape)

    • pragmatic (pragma)

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom

  • The chemistry of love

    • neurotransmitters

      • norepinephrine

      • dopamine

      • phenylethylamine (PEA)

      • oxytocin

    • endorphins

    • loss and neurotransmitter withdrawal

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Proximity

    • mere exposure effect

    • familiarity breeds predictability  greater comfort

    • greater proximity often reflects shared interests

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Similarity

    • level of physical attractiveness

    • age, educational status and religion

    • race and ethnicity

    • Why?

      • share similar interests & activities

      • communicate better

      • confirm own views & experiences

      • supportive of values & beliefs

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

Fig. 7.5 Noncohabitational Sexual Partnerships by Race and Sex

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Reciprocity

    • when someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back

    • increases self-esteem

    • increases likelihood of relationship enduring

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Physical attractiveness

    • "what's beautiful is good" belief

    • status by association

    • most important in early stages

    • may be an indice of physical health

    • heterosexual males place greater value

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

  • Sociobiology- behavior explained by evolutionary needs (Buss)

    • men attracted to young attractive females to maximize reproductive success

    • women attracted to older, established men to maximize their reproductive success

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)

Fig. 7.3 How willing would you be to marry someone who….

The Development of Intimacy

  • Self-love

    • genuine interest, concern, respect for self

    • prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others

Love and Styles of Attachment

  • Attachment; intense emotional tie

    • Attachment style (Ainsworth)

      • secure attachment

      • insecure attachment

      • anxious-ambivalent attachment

    • Attachment styles in adulthood

The Development of Intimacy (cont.)

  • The phases of a relationship

    • inclusion: an invitation to relate

    • response: agreeing to relate

    • care: concern for other's welfare

    • trust: support and care for each other

    • affection: warmth & attachment; desire

    • playfulness: delight in each other

    • genitality: decision to engage in sex

Issues in Loving Relationships

  • Relationship between love & sex

    • several possibilities

    • questions to ask

      • does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?

      • do men & women have different views of sex & love?

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)

  • Does sexual orientation affect views of sex & love?

    • homosexual men more likely to separate love from sex; lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established

    • falling in love with a same sex person often helps in gay or lesbian identity

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)

  • Sex & relationships on your terms

    • sexual expression is an individual decision

      • steps to take

      • knowing and asking for what you want

      • friendships without sex

      • saying "not yet" to sex

      • ending a relationship

      • managing rejection

Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)

  • Jealousy in relationships

    • Jealousy-prone person

      • low self-esteem

      • high value on wealth and popularity

    • Negative consequences

      • precipitates partner violence

      • stifles relationship development

      • raises anxiety, depression, anger

    • Sex differences

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Ingredients in lasting love relationship

    • self-acceptance

    • appreciation of each other's qualities

    • commitment

    • good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests

    • ability to face & deal with conflict

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Characteristics of high quality relationships

    • Supportive communication

    • Companionship

    • Sexual expression and variety

    • Seeing partner as best friend

    • Maintaining frequent positive interaction

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Individual and relationship growth

    • growth and change maintain relationship

    • overcome obstacles

      • view problems as challenges

      • negotiate and renegotiate wants

      • accept each other as unique

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)

  • Sexual Variety

    • communication is critical

    • be spontaneous

    • plan for intimate time

    • don't worry about frequency "standards"

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