The Confident Champion How to create breakthrough confidence and BELIEVE in yourself so you can deliver amazing peak performance, become and star athlete, and dominate your sport.
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How to create breakthrough confidence and BELIEVE in yourself so you can deliver amazing peak performance, become and star athlete, and dominate your sport.
1. STOP losing your confidence, becoming passive and self-conscious, and over-thinking sport. When this happens, you perform at only a fraction of your potential and really don’t enjoy competing.
2. STOP competing overwhelmed with fear, choking, and getting worse and worse out there so that your performance goes up and down like a yo-yo and you lose playing time, get yelled at, or let your team down.
3. Try to compete with sub-par skills or skills that have hit a plateau so you really can’t accomplish your goals no matter how motivated you are because you don’t have the skills.
1. Create breakthrough confidence for yourself so that you are energized, confident, aggressive, and excited to perform whenever you go out there.
2. Transform yourself into a mentally tough athlete so you can deliver peak performances, get instant respect, and win consistently under pressure.
3. Develop consistent confidence by mastering the art of persistence and the will to win so you achieve total self-mastery and are in control of your athletic destiny.
Session 1 persistence and the will to win so you achieve total self-mastery and are in control of your athletic destiny.How to Create Unshakable Confidence and BELIEVE in Yourself in Sport
Session 2 persistence and the will to win so you achieve total self-mastery and are in control of your athletic destiny.How To Express Your True Greatness & Transform Yourself Into A Genuine STAR
Session 3 persistence and the will to win so you achieve total self-mastery and are in control of your athletic destiny.The Magic Formula for Becoming Fearless and Super-Charged with Confidence BEFORE You Compete
Session 4 persistence and the will to win so you achieve total self-mastery and are in control of your athletic destiny.CONSISTENT Confidence: How to Master the Art of Persistence &
the Will to Win
Session 5 persistence and the will to win so you achieve total self-mastery and are in control of your athletic destiny.Relationship Mastery - How to Create Happy Relationships for Ultimate Confidence
Session Three Review persistence and the will to win so you achieve total self-mastery and are in control of your athletic destiny.The Magic Formula for Becoming Fearless and Super-Charged with Confidence BEFORE
Let’s create the proper RIGHT FOCUS to correct the most important error you are making. Here are the steps…
1) Describe in the space below the error you want to correct.
2) Describe how you would execute the skill three different ways.
3) Practice the skill this way three times this week. Notice what happens and make notes in your Athletes Journal. What is the difference in feel?
In the space below, put together a 10-30 minute individual GAME FACE routine for yourself that includes the following components:
Session Four Agenda Errors
CONSISTENT Confidence: How to Master the Art of Persistence & the Will to Win
Confidence is the belief that you can cope with the challenges of competition and fulfill your desires. It is a profound belief in your athletic self.
We develop confidence from continually defeating fear using the three mental practices of the Confident Champion: Face It, Master It, and Make It Happen.
Face It the three mental practices of the Confident Champion: Face It, Master It, and Make It Happen.– The Practice of Consciousness
Master It – The Practice of Competence
Make It Happen – The Practice of Commitment
When you engage in these three practices every day, you gain more and more CONTROL over your performance, which triggers your Confident Self.
In Session one, two, and three, we focused mainly on the first two practices of the Confident Champion – Face It (face your fear) and Master It (master your sport). In Session Four and Five, we are going to bring in more of Make It Happen: The Practices of Commitment.
The “Make It Happen” mindset is a pretty simple concept. Commitment is the “state of being committed to a cause.” In sport, that causing is winning.
“Make It Happen” is the will to win. It’s taking full, 100% emotional accountability for the win and committing to it in your heart.
Charles A. Garfield, author of 100% emotional accountability for the win and committing to it in your heart.Peak Performance - Mental Training Techniques of the World's Greatest Athletes and an athlete in power lifting, reminds us that our will controls our bodies…
" 100% emotional accountability for the win and committing to it in your heart.The trained lifter knows that during the first few seconds before a lift, total attention must be focused on the bar, and the degree to which this is done is largely determined by how much he really WANTS to make
If his confidence is lacking or his volition not intensely focused, he simply CAN'T make the lift; he just can't muster the necessary psychological control and
He can, however, turn away for a few moments, renew his confidence, reinforce his resolve, and rally with full force of his volition, and return to make the lift with relative ease."
In 1983, played the New York Islanders for the Stanley Cup Championships and got swept,
“I contributed almost nothing: no goals, no assists…Their big four—Bossy, Trottier, Potvin and Smith—danced all over us. Smith especially. He slashed, dove, screamed, whatever it took. He was so fantastic they gave him the Conn Smythe Trophy as the Most Valuable Player and they should have given
After that game, I’d have liked to move to Fiji for four months. I knew what was coming. “He can’t win the big ones. He disappears under pressure. He stinks.” And you know what? I was almost starting to wonder myself.
Kevin and I loaded up our troubles and our junk and made our way to the bus. We both knew we were going to have to walk by the Islander locker room and we were dreading it: having to see all the happy faces, the champagne shampoos, the girlfriends’ kisses, the whole scene we wanted so much.
But as we walked by, we didn’t see any of that. The girlfriends and the coaches and the staff people were living it up, but the players weren’t. Trottier was icing what looked like a painful knee. Potvin was getting stuff rubbed on his shoulder. Guys were limping around with black eyes and bloody mouths….and here we were perfectly fine and healthy.
That’s why they won and we lost…They took more punishment than we did. They dove into more boards, stuck their faces into more pucks, and threw their bodies into more pileups. They sacrificed everything they had.
And that’s when Kevin said something I’ll never forget. ‘That’s how you win championships.’
Make It Happen: The Practice of Commitment puts you back in control because when you resolve to never give up, you will inevitably find a solution to whatever challenge you’re facing.
On some level, you know this. You understand that every great athlete who has come before you has faced the same challenges and figured them out. If you resolve to do the same, you have far more control over the outcome, and this triggers your Confident Self, especially because no one else in your sport is doing the same.
The truth is, we are not made to persist. Human beings are built for instant gratification. I see this every day in my little daughter, who is almost three. When she tries to do something new, like take a lid off a container, but she can’t, she’ll pitch a fit and give up – and no amount of me saying, “You need to try again,” and “You need to practice,” makes much of a difference.
It’s the human condition. When we have setbacks and things don’t work out the way we expect, we tend to go off and find something easier and more achievable to do.
That’s why I suggest you master the art and science of don’t work out the way we expect, we tend to go off and find something easier and more achievable to do.Make It Happen: The Practice of Commitment. When you repeatedly engage in it, you develop the Will to Win, and no one can stop you.
“You want on the team pretty bad, don’t you?” says the coach. “Coach, you have no idea. I’ll do anything,” says Rudy.
When is the last time you said this? When is the last time you meant it? Write down in the space below and example of a time you were 100% committed to a goal or result and brought it about.
So what stops us from being persistent in the heat of the battle? Why do so few athletes display this very rare mental practice?
Learned Helplessness – The Enemy of the Will to Win battle? Why do so few athletes display this very rare mental practice?
Speaker Brian Tracy has a great little story that explains this phenomenon.
In ancient times, when a merchant needed to train his baby elephant, he'd wrap a rope around the elephant's leg.
The baby elephant would struggle and strain against the rope, but he could never escape it.
Later, all the merchant did was tie a rope around the grown elephant's leg.
The elephant would instantly freeze and stay in one spot.
The adult elephant was strong enough to bulldoze an entire house to the ground, but he would stand there as long as a rope was tied
to his leg.
The elephant had LEARNED house to the ground, but he would stand there as long as a rope was tied
to be helpless.
One breakthrough discoveries of psychologists in the 20th century is that we are just like elephants.
The moment we encounter a setback, most of us become helpless. When I was competing as an elite athlete, it happened to me all the time.
If I didn't score in my first few shifts, I'd lose my confidence, and wam! Hello slump.
My teammates and coaches knew it. They'd roll their eyes and say, "She's done now."
It happens to all of us. You try to score a goal, make a pass, cover your check, stop a shot...
...and you FAIL... pass, cover your check, stop a shot...
...and you're suddenly infected by learned helplessness. pass, cover your check, stop a shot...
But, you don't know it. All you know is that you feel numb. pass, cover your check, stop a shot...
It's a giving up response.
You're still going through the motions, but something is off.
Your edge, your confidence, and your motivation are slipping away from you, and you can feel it.
You may not feel SCARED (although sometimes you do). away from you, and you can feel it.
You just feel blah. And away from you, and you can feel it.
Because blah is not going to get you winning and keep you winning. You cannot take consistent, congruent action as long as you are feeling blah.
Giving in to learned helplessness vs. not giving in to learned helplessness is what separates great athletes from superstars. In 1992, Pete Sampras lost the U.S. Open to Stefan Edberg and started to question whether he had the perseverance to win.
“Throughout the fall, I kept harkening back to the loss at the Open to Edberg. It was eating away at my guts…I kept thinking, “If he didn’t play well, and I didn’t play that well, why did he win?”
And the answer dawned on me, slowly, over a matter of weeks. For the first time, I understood and could articulate the truth: I lost because I had packed it in. And it was part of a pattern.
I didn’t tell anyone, For the first time, I understood and could articulate the truth:
not even my Dad.
It took me some years to come up with the answer, and here it is, in its most simple form. Everybody has a place in this world, and spends a good part of his mature life carving out his niche – the zone where he is comfortable. Some guys, they get to number one and they think, I don’t really like it up here, it’s too lonely. Too stressful.
So they settle back a little. They find a comfort zone at number three, or five, or whatever. I could have done that; a part of me was doing that early in my career.
I can’t honestly tell you why my conversation with commitment took this tack, but it did: I decided that I had this great talent and I wasn’t taking care of it. I had the Gift, and I was turning away from it, at least on some of the very occasions when it was maybe the only thing that could pull me through.
Think back to a competition where you gave up on something, whether it was scoring a goal, stopping your check, or winning the game. Do you remember giving up? Why did you?
To create breakthrough confidence in yourself, BELIEVE, and make it happen, you start by identifying the individual stressors that tempt you to fall into learned helplessness, have a ‘pity party’ for yourself, and give up.
These are called your commitment took this tack, but it did: I decided that I had this great talent and I wasn’t taking care of it. I had the Gift, and I was turning away from it, at least on some of the very occasions when it was maybe the only thing that could pull me through.
It happens because your “demon stressors” cause you to fall into learned helplessness, start feeling sorry for yourself, and give up just enough to let the event slip away from you.
What Are Your fall into learned helplessness, start feeling sorry for yourself, and give up just enough to let the event slip away from you.
Your very first job is to identify your stressors – those things that bother you most while performing. To do this, you begin by listing in the space below your top 7 distractions. Here are some examples athletes
In the space below, list your top 7 distractions (things that trigger a loss of confidence)
Now, put your distractions in the following order from most bothersome to least bothersome.
Now you know what your exact stressors are. Your “demon stressor” is the thing that has the most potential to cause you to lose confidence, choke, or under-perform. It is the first thing on the list. This is very powerful exercise, because now you have the opportunity to transform your game by carefully working with your reaction to your
Whenever one of your Demon Stressors show up, your #1 job is to get back in CONTROL and trigger your ConfidenT Self using Make It Happen: The Practice of Commitment. For the rest of this session, we are going to practice strategies for doing exactly that.
Courage is the ability to do something even when you’re scared, anxious, or afraid. In sport, there are many shades of it…
In the book to get back in CONTROL and trigger your ConfidenT Self using Make It Happen: The Practice of Commitment. For the rest of this session, we are going to practice strategies for doing exactly that.Do More, Achieve Less, we get a unique glimpse into the power of courage. The author says…
“My assistant, Tim, told me of an incident that occurred one night after a speaking engagement in Washington, DC. Walking back to his hotel, he took a route that traversed a neighbourhood located on the fringe of an area known for its riots. As he ambled along, he noticed he was being followed by about a dozen gang members.
The faster he walked, the faster they pursued him. A chase ensued, Tim found himself running deeper into an area of DC that was foreign to him. Right on his heels, they were chasing him relentlessly. He thought to himself, “Well, this is it.` He began to accept the possibility that tonight would be the night he would die.
In a flash of inspiration, he abruptly stopped running and turned and faced the gang. An idea blazed luminously in his mind—if he must die at this moment, his death was not his end. And since his death was not the end, it must at least be the beginning of some new experience. In short, quite possibly, death would not be so bad after all. As the Sufi poet Rumi said, `Death is my wedding with eternity.`
The gang felt the fearlessness within Tim. With the intimidation element removed from the space, the thrill of experience their power to harm
The leader of the gang dropped his menacing stance, stepped forward, and stretching out his hand, said, `What`s up, man?` They shook hands and went their
The principle that Tim applied on the street applies to life in general. The more fearful you are about your survival, the more mistakes you will tend to make. When you are willing to focus on the duty, risk, exhilaration, and the fun of doing it rather than on the fear of making mistakes, you will begin to understand the meaning of thriving.”
In sport, courage is perhaps best expressed as in general. The more fearful you are about your survival, the more mistakes you will tend to make. When you are willing to focus on the duty, risk, exhilaration, and the fun of doing it rather than on the fear of making mistakes, you will begin to understand the meaning of thriving.”aggressiveness.
If there was a list of top ten secrets for succeeding in sport, "be aggressive" would definitely
be on it.
Basketball superstar Michael Jordan agrees. " in general. The more fearful you are about your survival, the more mistakes you will tend to make. When you are willing to focus on the duty, risk, exhilaration, and the fun of doing it rather than on the fear of making mistakes, you will begin to understand the meaning of thriving.”I realized that if I was going to achieve anything in life I had to be aggressive. I had to get out there and go for it. I don't believe you can achieve anything by being passive."
Of course there's good aggressive and bad aggressive. in general. The more fearful you are about your survival, the more mistakes you will tend to make. When you are willing to focus on the duty, risk, exhilaration, and the fun of doing it rather than on the fear of making mistakes, you will begin to understand the meaning of thriving.”
Bad aggressive is when you get angry and out of control. When this happens you go berserk inside and either take penalties or play a foolish, overly risky strategy.
Good aggressive is when you quiet your mind, channel your determination, and just go for it in a show of total courage.
In the 2012 in determination, and just go for it in a show of total courage. the NCAA Final Four Championship in basketball in the US, the Louisville Cardinals won their third national title overall and their first since 1986, with an 82-76 victory over Michigan.
There is no question that the key to the Cardinals' victory was their aggressiveness. This was not a team of superstars (unlike their 1996 victory, which had nine
It was a tough, aggressive team that chased down every ball and forced every play with relentless defence. Coach Rick Pitino said, "These are the toughest 13 guys I have
The poster boy for this style was Chane Behanan, who simply overpowered Michigan's big men in the low post and helped Louisville finish with a plus-7 rebound margin.
This was in contrast to Michigan's star centre, Mitch MgGary, who was slightly "bad aggressive". MgGary tried to do too much, committing his fourth foul early in the second half. His team then had to reduce MgGary's playing time to avoid taking a fifth foul.
Yet while aggressiveness is extremely powerful, very few athletes ever harness it, because they’ve never DECIDED to become more aggressive. In fact years ago I owned a sports training camp for kids. Every day parents would call up our office and say one thing: "Can you make my child
What about you? athletes ever harness it, because they’ve never DECIDED to become more aggressive. In fact years ago I owned a sports training camp for kids. Every day parents would call up our office and say one thing: "Can you make my child
How about you?
Could you be more aggressive in the good way out there? athletes ever harness it, because they’ve never DECIDED to become more aggressive. In fact years ago I owned a sports training camp for kids. Every day parents would call up our office and say one thing: "Can you make my child
This is very important. You cannot worry about people-pleasing and be your very best self at the same time.
Next, you make a deliberate decision to cultivate aggressiveness. Let’s do it now.
1) Recall the last time you showed courage – the last time you did something in competition or practice that frightened you.
2) With respect to your Demon Stressor, how could you show courage in your next practice or competition? How could you make a habit of showing courage with it?
3) Close your eyes and visualize what kind of athlete you would be if you were 10%, 20%, or even 30% more of the “good aggressive” out there. Then write down exactly what you’d do in competition
One of the best ways to cultivate the Practice of Commitment and defeat learned helplessness (the giving up response) is good old fashioned optimism.
Optimism is not positive thinking. It’s not trying to find something good about a setback or trying to find a silver lining.
Optimism is finding a way to believe that your setbacks are something good about a setback or trying to find a silver lining.temporary. So, let’s imagine you are a curler and you just gave up a steal of four points in one end. Your job is not to say, “That’s great because now the opposition will be complacent.” Your job is to say, “Here’s why this is not going to happen again in this game.”
Optimism gives you a sense of control by preventing you from giving up. Nothing makes us feel more out of control than giving up! In fact, when you give up on your goals, you are giving up on getting back in control – which is one of the reasons why giving up is so depressing.
When you engage in optimism, you are making a firm, unequivocal decision to get back up on the horse and try again.
Here are some questions that will automatically trigger optimism in you. Please think about your Demon Stressor when you answer them…
1) Describe something you`ve given up on right now, e.g., if your Demon Stressor is losing your swing in golf, then describe how you’ve given up on being able to re-create a consistent golf swing that allows you to crush the ball 300+ yards straight down the fairway.
2) What attempts have you made to reach your goal (the opposite of your Demon Stressor)? For example, if you are a swimmer and your Demon Stressor is getting a slow start, then you’ve given up on changing your start technique to be faster. Be extremely detailed in your answer - leave no stone unturned when describing what you’ve already tried.
3) How are you being passive like the elephants with learned helplessness? Be specific in your description – explain what you are NOT doing to make it happen.
4) What do you need to learn to defeat your Demon Stressor and succeed in your goal?
5) Who can help you reach your goal? (Include resources and
6) What’s your worst case scenario if you don't achieve your goal the first time? How could you do damage control and come back?
Optimism in Your GAME FACE Routine: Why Not Me? unequivocal decision to get back up on the horse and try again.
Mark Tewksbury, one of the finest swimmers in the history of swimming, used the Want, Not Need mindset to win an Olympic gold medal.
Mark says: swimming, used the Want, Not Need mindset to win an Olympic gold medal.
"The world had become more competitive. The medals, which used to be shared by 8 countries, were now finding their way to over
Even swimmers like Matt Biondi, the world record holder, were leaving the pool without going to the podium. I thought, "Even silver would be good. I was not giving up, but there were no guarantees."
The first thing Mark did was refuse to PRESS. were leaving the pool without going to the podium. I thought, "Even silver would be good. I was not giving up, but there were no guarantees."
He set his sights on winning and being aggressive in the pool, but he did not try and control it.
Before the race, he said to himself, "Someone has to win this race. Why not me?"
"Why not me?" is a this race. Why not me?"
It is optimistic, confident,
There is no PRESSING in this race. Why not me?"
Never Predict The Outcome of A Game, Race, or Match this race. Why not me?"
The Why Not Me? Optimistic attitude requires that you never predict the outcome of a game, race or match.
I love tennis guru Brad Gilbert's confession about scouting. predict the outcome of a game, race or match.
So when he was an athlete, he'd keep a journal of his personal scouting reports.
If an opponent looked bad, he'd think, " opponents.Hey, there's no way I'm gonna lose to this guy. He's playing like a plumber!"
If an opponent looked good, he'd think, " opponents.Holy Cow, there's no way I'm gonna beat this guy! He's playing awesome!"
The problem with these conclusions is that you can actually GIVE UP on an event before you compete without even knowing it.
That’s one of the problems with learned helplessness. Half the time, we don’t even know it’s happening to us. All we know is that we’re a little less confident, and a little
Gilbert says we should never assume anything about a sporting contest, and I agree.
You want to go in with the mindset that sporting contest, and I agree.you have always have a chance to win - as long as you give it the highest quality of effort.
It’s the Why Not Me? attitude. sporting contest, and I agree.
Gilbert decided to delegate his scouting to his coach. All he wanted was to know the strengths, weaknessness, and patterns of
Then he'd go into his match on he wanted was to know the strengths, weaknessness, and patterns of
high alert, with the Why
Not Me? attitude.
It paid off.
Aaron Krickstein was a player Gilbert had been losing to for years because of his powerful forehand.
Gilbert had never found a way to neutralize it. years because of his powerful forehand.
During their next match Gilbert noticed that when he hit a slice backhand short to Krickstein's forehand, the forehand he got back was different.
It was just a routine forehand. slice backhand short to Krickstein's forehand, the forehand he got back was different.
Gilbert quickly figured out that Krickstein loved to hit from the baseline because the ball would sit up for him. But when Gilbert hit a soft slice, it would land short and stay low.
So Krickstein couldn't crank his topspin forehand - there just wasn't any pace for him to capitalize on.
Gilbert went on to beat Krickstein in straight sets. just wasn't any pace for him to capitalize on.
The mental toughness lessons here? just wasn't any pace for him to capitalize on.
1. Never assume anything about the outcome of a game, match, or race. EVER.
2. If scouting makes you emotional, delegate to someone who can take the emotion out of it, but make sure you get the information you need to compete in a smart way.
3. Once you have the patterns of an opponent, stay on high alert. Notice everything and wait for your opportunity to outsmart, outwit, and outlast him.
a. Write down the name of your next competition
b. Write down your performance goal for this competition (winning, scoring goals, winning the MVP, etc).
c. Write down what information about your opponents, conditions, venue, etc. that you will need to compete at your best and how you will get it:
d. List at least FIVE believable reasons that answer the question “Why Not Me?“ For example, if you wrote down, “I want to be the top scorer in my basketball tournament this weekend by averaging 25 points a game,” list five reasons “why not me?” such as, “I have a wicked three point shot.”
To create breakthrough confidence and deliver amazing peak performance using the Make It Happen mindset, you’ll want to get very good at entering the NOW.
The most deadly, Make It Happen mindset in sport is to focus completely in the Now.
I'm talking about total focus in the present moment...the kind where you drive across town, get there, and suddenly realize you don't remember the drive.
This impenetrable focus is very punishing to opponents. kind where you drive across town, get there, and suddenly realize you don't remember the drive.
You get such a deep connection to what you're doing that tough things become effortless.
If you're playing tennis or golf, you get into a rhythm with your strokes and swing that makes you
If you're playing hockey or basketball, the speed of the game becomes just right, neither too fast or too slow. You're totally in sync with the game.
If you're running or racing, you connect to your gait and become completely smooth.
Getting into the Now also heightens your athletic genius because you become aware of tiny nuances that give you the edge.
You make subtle decisions like when to suddenly change the pace of shots during a rally - and mess up your opponent.
or pass off.
Helen Wills Moody, the American tennis legend of the 1930s, had a simple mantra that brought her focus into the Now.
After every ball, she would recover her focus by repeating, 'Everypoint, every point, every point.'
Entering the NOW banishes doubt, because doubt comes from thinking about the future. The mind cannot deal with the future. It can only deal with the present – so when you get into the mental habit of entering the NOW, it would never occur to you to give up.
Remember, you don't want to make mental training more difficult than it needs to be.
Every point, every point, difficult than it needs to be.
For the next 30 days, every time you practice or compete, enter the Now and stay in the present moment for as long as you possibly can. You can select a cue word such as “NOW” to start the process. If your mind drifts to the past or the future, gently bring it back to the present moment and re-engage in the present. Record in your Athlete’s Journal how this exercise builds your ability to concentrate and stay optimistic
Make It Happen Using difficult than it needs to be.
To create breakthrough confidence and keep BELIEVING no matter what setbacks you face, I suggest you learn to deeply accept all your emotions, including disappointment, shame,
anger, and loss.
Most athletes are quite dismal at this. They hate having to feel bad, especially about a failure of
What they don’t realize is that if we can’t deal with emotions like disappointment, shame, and anger, we can’t have the Will to Win.
Why? Because when the going gets tough, and it looks like failure is on the way, we’ll want to give up – just to avoid feeling devastated because we gave our all and did not succeed.
This is actually why most people get pessimistic and give up. We take a “you can’t fire me, I quit!” approach because we hate being disappointed.
The problem with this mental approach to competing is that it doesn’t work. You can tell yourself all day long that you ‘don’t care’ about failing or losing, but you do.
So pessimism doesn’t save us from being hurt. All it does is make sure that we under-perform by causing us to give up and become passive.
I can really relate to this. When I was in my early 20s, I was very intolerant of having negative emotions of any kind (which is a weird thing to say because I considered myself a very emotional person). In fact, I was so adverse to letting myself any feelings of loss that my teammates gave me a T-shirt that said, “Sometimes you just have to lose.”
I thought it was a joke. It was only years later did I realize what they were trying to tell me – that loss was part of life.
Confident champions understand and accept the agony and ecstasy of sport. They know that failing and losing hurt, and they are prepared to accept this hurt.
I am not suggesting you should try to enjoy or approve of your bad feelings. I’m merely pointing out that disappointment, shame, and anger are normal and part of sport. The faster you can come to grips with them, the more able you will be to take a risk and give it your all – even when things are not going well.
For the next 7 days, write 5-10 different endings for the
If I were 5% more
To transform yourself into a confident champion with the Make It Happen mindset, you’ll want to eliminate the fear of losing from your emotional life.
By realizing that you can heal yourself of any disappointment (and fast) – if you know how.
From 2000 to 2004 (late in my athletic career), my team had to play the same powerhouse team in the finals.
And for four years straight, we LOST. to play the same powerhouse team in the finals.
In 2005, we entered the finals optimistically: " to play the same powerhouse team in the finals.It's going to be our year!" we proclaimed.
There was, however, an important wrinkle to this competition: if we won our next game--against a different team--we could still earn a birth into the National Championships.
We had exactly 45 minutes to re-group for this all-important game. It was at this moment that my body took over and instinctively prepared me for this next challenge.
Upon entering our dressing room, all the wretched disappointment inside me over losing for four years came bursting forth. I sobbed bitterly, and couldn't stop.
Images of old losses flashed before my eyes, and I sobbed some more. At one point, I went to the bathroom and put my head under the dryer so my teammates didn't have to hear me.
Three minutes before our next game, our goaltender (who knows me really well), calmly handed me my helmet.
She looked me squarely in the eye. " knows me really well), calmly handed me my helmet.You have three minutes," she said. I put my helmet on. Suddenly, I was completely focused, and filled
We won, and to this day, my team insists it was one of the best games of my career.
Healing yourself means letting yourself experience your disappointment when you lose. It's the same thing you did when you were nine years old. Your body knows how to heal itself, and it will if you let it.
It's one of those secrets nobody tells you. Instead, your Dad, your coach, and your teammates will try to cheer you up. They'll say things like, "Don't worry, it wasn't your fault."
The problem with this approach is that you end up suppressing your disappointment. You try not to think about it...but it eats away at you.
You start to doubt yourself, and you lose your motivation. suppressing your disappointment. You try not to think about it...but it eats away at you.
" suppressing your disappointment. You try not to think about it...but it eats away at you.Why bother?" you think to yourself.
Of course, you'll want to draw the lesson out of the loss. But you can't even think about that until you're over the disappointment.
Of course, the reason dealing with losing is so important is because to develop the Make It Happen mindset, you cannot live in fear
The more scared of losing you are, the more likely you are to give up when things get tight. We need to stare down losing in the face. “Nice try, losing! I’m not going to give up!”
In the space below, record the most painful loss of your life.
Next, open up emotionally and let yourself have any feelings of loss that are still inside you. Describe them below.
Finally, using the Sedona Method we learned in Session Three, let this disappointment go using the following questions:
To create breakthrough confidence using the Make It Happen mindset, you’ll also want to become masterful at side-stepping self-pity.
We think all our fears and problems are completely special and unusual to us and that nobody in the world has ever dealt with such
Self-pity is a unique form of misery. It’s self-inflicted, brought on by the ideas that we “shouldn’t” have to deal with the setbacks that the Universe has thrown at us.
To outsmart self-pity, we need to remember that are setbacks and problems are actually quite typical, and every great athlete who has come before us has experienced them as well.
Here’s a great way to pep talk yourself out of self-pity when you’re wallowing in it from Shawnee Harle, one of our Courage to
Lisa, you'll never guess what happened to Ashley, a fourth year player and starting shooting guard for our basketball team.
We were playing the #7 ranked team in the country and the other team was keying on her and she couldn't get a shot to drop.
Ashley is a natural talent but once she stops making shots, she gets discouraged and the rest of her game follows suit...it is very detrimental to our team.
'Ashley, you have a tremendous opportunity in front of you right now. I know you are upset with how you played in the first half but you have an opportunity to turn
You are a much better player than you showed. You are one of the best shooters in our conference. You can wallow in self-pity and give in to learned helplessness or you can make another choice.
One of the most powerful things available to each of us is the ability to save ourselves.
Once you realize you can save yourself, it is liberating, freeing and motivating because you realize you can depend on yourself. You don't need a coach or teammate to save you. You don't need somebody to give you a pep talk or run a
You realize it lies within you and all you need to do is have the courage to step forward.
The choice is yours - you can remain helpless, frustrated and full of excuses or you can use the tools that are immediately available to you.
The boat is waiting. You can sit there and let it sink or you can pull out the paddles and start rowing.'
Ashley came out blazing in the second half. She scored 15 points and almost single handedly got us back into the game.
The next night against UBC, ranked #9 in the country, she scored 25 points including 7/11 from the three point line. She was the major reason we recorded an upset win against a team that had more talent."
To repeat: when you are giving up, there are two things going on at the same time.
First, you have learned helplessness. You've become passive because you tried to succeed, but an opponent overpowered or out-smarted you in some way (or you messed up on your own).
Second, you're feeling sorry for yourself. You think it's not fair that YOU, someone so talented and special, should have to suffer the agony of personal failure or defeat.
I'm here to tell you: not fair that YOU, someone so talented and special, should have to suffer the agony of personal failure or defeat.
Boo Hoo. No one cares
No one is even remotely interested in your self-pity. What they ARE interested in is what you're made of.
Everyone fails in sport from time to time. There is an agony to competing that will always find you, no matter how good you are.
That's what Ashley figured out. to competing that will always find you, no matter how good you are.
She figured out that it was time for her to grow up and make a choice: will she be passive or aggressive? We can do the same.
In the space below, record a recent setback you feel you ‘don’t deserve’ and are feeling sorry for yourself about.
Next, write down exactly why this setback is actually TYPICAL for an athlete in your sport, and TYPICAL for confident champion athletes to have to deal with
A secret weapon for creating breakthrough confidence and cultivating the Make It Happen: Practice of Commitment mindset is to channel
The truth is, whenever one of your Demon Stressors show up, you're going to get mad.
It's ok to be angry and frustrated - as long as you CHANNEL your frustration into GOOD ANGER – the kind that makes you persist and never give up.
Boxer Sugar Ray Leonard learned this the hard way. your frustration into GOOD ANGER – the kind that makes you persist and never give up.
Leonard, the flashy Golden Boy, had breezed through every opponent since turning pro and held the undisputed WBC Welterweight crown.
Until he met Roberto Duran. opponent since turning pro and held the undisputed WBC Welterweight crown.
Duran, nicknamed "Hands of Stone," gave up the lightweight championship to challenge Leonard.
In the lead-up to the bout, Duran bad-mouthed Leonard at every opportunity. "Leonard is not macho. He is a pretty boy who has everything given to him; the money, the easy fights, the television coverage. He will meet a real fighter for the first time."
By fight time, Leonard was so angry he foolishly tried fighting Duran's style, going toe-to-toe with him. Duran won by unanimous decision.
Leonard later admitted: " fighting Duran's style, going toe-to-toe with him. Duran won by unanimous decision.I wanted to knock his head off. Stupid. I'm a competitor and a very proud man."
Leonard's mistake? He gave in to his Dark Side. fighting Duran's style, going toe-to-toe with him. Duran won by unanimous decision.
There is BAD and GOOD anger. fighting Duran's style, going toe-to-toe with him. Duran won by unanimous decision.
BAD anger makes you panicky, stressed out, and causes you to lose your focus. GOOD anger keeps you focused and motivates you to persist until you prevail.
The good news is that Leonard learned his lesson. Barely five months later, the rematch occurred.
This time, Leonard kept to his style of fighting, sticking and moving. Duran was overwhelmed. "The whole fight, I was moving, moving," Leonard said. "I snapped his head back with a jab, once, twice. He tried to get me against the ropes, I'd pivot, spin off and Pow! Come under with a punch."
Near the end of Round 8, Duran turned completely away from Leonard and told the referee,
The fight ended in a TKO. Leonard and told the referee,
The third meeting, nine years later, was a debacle with Leonard winning easily. Duran finally admitted: "No man hurt me like Leonard. He is a great, great fighter."
You see, BAD anger really is learned helplessness in disguise. You feel overwhelmed and insecure, so you go wild.
Sometimes you get penalties; other times you just PRESS and make a mess of things. The wonderful thing is it's easy to turn BAD anger into GOOD anger.
All you need to do is tap into your pride as an athlete. This is what’s known as Killer Instinct, and it’s a powerful Make It Happen weapon.
The bottom line? This is what’s known as Killer Instinct, and it’s a powerful Make It Happen weapon.
You don’t need to fear setbacks or the anger that comes with them.
Simply channel your frustration into smart, GOOD anger, do a better job out there, and never say die.
In the space below, write down the last time you got mad in competition (tapped into your pride) and performed better as a result.
Next, commit to yourself that the next time you are tempted to give up and become passive, that you will bring your anger forth and channel it into doing a better job. Write down your commitment below
Session Three Re-Cap better job out there, and never say die.
I'll talk to you better job out there, and never say die.