Workshop Bonding Psychotherapy

1. Workshop Bonding Psychotherapy

2. Introduction • Martien Kooyman • psychiatrist and bonding psychotherapist in Rotterdam • Rob Storm • HRM adviser, trainer, coach and bonding psychotherapist in Hoofddorp • Rob Olij • psychologist and bonding psychotherapist, PsyQpsychiatricoutpatient center, in The Hague • Caroline Buys • Caroline Buys, participant in the bondinggroup of Martien Kooyman, the Netherlands, Rotterdam, for 5 yearsfrom 1999 till 2004

3. Intro Daniel Casriel New IdentityProcess Bonding Psychotherapy

4. Program • Key Concepts • Exercise • Documentary on a bonding psychotherapy: ”Is bonding something for me ?” • Research • Exercise

5. keyconceptsof Bonding psychotherapy

6. Definition Bonding Psychotherapy is an intensive form of group therapy, in which painful events from the past can be relived and emotionally reprocessed in a safe environment The term Bonding is characterized by emotional openness and physical closeness. Bonding is a basic biological need, just as the need for air, drinking, eating, urinating, etc

7. BasicEmotions BasicEmotions (Love) throat heart Pleasure chest belly Anger pelvis Pain Fear Casriel 1972

8. Needs – Emotions • Pleasure and Love are felt when basic needs are fulfilled or expected to be fulfilled. • Fear, Anger and Pain are felt when basic needs are NOT fulfilled or expected NOT to be fulfilled.

9. Exercise Basic NeedBreating

10. Needs – Emotions • Pleasure and Love are felt when basic needs are fulfilled or expected to be fulfilled. • Fear, Anger and Pain are felt when basic needs are NOT fulfilled or expected NOT to be fulfilled. • When Fear, Anger and Pain reach a certain level, then the unpleasant state can stopped by the use of defense mechanisms. (rationalization, non-expression, destructive attitudes and compensatory behaviour)

11. Sevenuniversalbio-psycho-socialneeds • leading a meaningful life • having an own identity Maturation • experiencing self-respect • being autonomous experiencing physical well-being • feeling secure attachment • with another person • experiencing bonding • in relationships Maslow 1950 Stauss 2006 Erikson 1971

12. ABC- schema Cognition attitudes and beliefs Affect Behavior emotions Casriel 1972

13. Bonding can be Threatening BasicEmotions Threat Stress Defense mechanisms throat chest • Fight belly Anger • Control Pain • Flight Fear • Freeze Casriel 1972

14. Therapy - ABC and Memory - Memory Cognition Behavior verbal attitudes and beliefs explicit implicit “unconscious” conscious Perception Affect non-verbal emotions

15. Exercise Eye contact

16. Memory Explicit / conscious Implicit / unconscious unconscious emotional perception not connected to a story of a past experience emotions, due to trauma are stored in the implicit brain images and body sensations from the trauma are not integrated with emotions Trigger points in the unconscious perception can activate those “old” emotions, images and body sensations • conscious perception • concrete images • can be put in words • can be related to a certain mood • connected to an experience in the past situation

17. Destructive Emotions and Attitudes “I am not good enough” Cognition “I do not need anyone” attitudes and beliefs “I have no right to exist”. Memory Behavior implicit explicit Perception Trigger defense mechanisms • relationship problems, • depression, • physical problems and • compensatory behaviour such as alcohol and drug abuse. Affect emotions Pain Anger Fear

18. Emotional Corrective Process “I am good enough” “I am not good enough” Cognition Cognition “I am not lovable ” “I am lovable” attitudes and beliefs “I have no right to exist”. “I have the right to exist”. Memorie Memory Behavior Behavior implicit implicit explicit explicit defense mechanisms Affect Affect Affect emotions emotions emotions Pain Anger Fear Fear Fear emotional schema Pain Pain Anger Anger Pleasure Pleasure

19. The attachment styles Model of Self negative positive • Pre- • occupied • Secure positive Model of Others • Fearful • avoidant • Dismissing negative Batholomew & Horowitz, 1991

20. Attachment Styles in the Relationship no fear, comfortable with autonomy and intimacy fear of autonomy, separations fear of intimacy and autonomy fear of intimacy, closeness

21. Exercise Hugging

22. The Bonding Work Physical closeness on the mat Pain PLeasure corrective emotional experience Affect I’m not good enough I’m not loveable I’m good enough I’m lovable Comfort Threat/ Stress ..acceptance & desire defense mechanisms • corrective emotional experience, by reliving old, stressful and traumatic situation(s), which caused the fear, pain, anger • physical closeness in safe environment of the group • expressing emotions loud in a safe context. • access to implicit memory and feel the “old” pain of the past. • experiencing the “gut level” feelings and expressions

23. The Attitude Work Emotional openness Pain PLeasure Cognition Pain • to strengthen the self-esteem, standing in the middle of the circle of others • rewriting old negative beliefs about yourself and in relation to others in to positives atttitudes. • The strength of the bonding psychotherapy, is that the negative attitudes that developed during the preverbal period are now corrected emotionally in the (eye) contact with the other participants. corrective emotional experience corrective emotional experience Pleasure Fear Anger attitudes and beliefs Fear Pain Anger I’m not good enough I’m not loveable I’m good enough I’m lovable I’m good enough I’m lovable I’m not good enough I’m not loveable Joy Love Threat/ Stress Comfort attitudes and beliefs attitudes and beliefs Desire / Comfort ..acceptance & desire defense mechanisms

24. Bonding Psychotherapy I exist I am me I need I am entitled Cognition attitudes and beliefs Memory Behavior implicit explicit Affect I am lovable and enjoy live ! emotions Fear Pain Anger Pleasure

25. The movie “Bonding Psychtherapy: the thing for me..?”

26. Questions? Discussion

27. EmotionalOpenness Affect feelings/emotions Affect differentiation Sharing one's own affects Affect tolerance Self- regulation Situations -related affects Understanding the affects of others Impulse control • The ability to regulate emotionally one's self-esteem • The ability to express and share one's feelings correctly and appropriately. • The ability to perceive one's needs and to handle them appropriately. • The ability to perceive (self/others) feelings and • to differentiate among them. • The ability to experience and express situation-related feelings, such as grief, gratitude, shame, guilt, joy, anger, fear, pain and love • The ability to perceive the feelings of others and • to distinguish between them • The ability to accept and handle one's feelings with control

28. TheLevels of Expression and DysfunctionalEmotion Anger and rejection, alternating with timid and clinging behavior Anger Helpless pain Pain Helpless fear Fear Joy Manipulative, seductive joy Pseudo­ objectively in a hostile, ironic, sarcastic tone Worries, resignation and helplessness Superficial friendliness Timidity and helplessness 1ste level Intellectual reflection • Perceived and verbalized, but not emotionally expressed. • No congruence between verbal expression and behavioral expression Dysfunctional cognitive attitudes "If I lose control of my emotions, l will go crazy!" "If I show my feelings, nobody will love me!" "If I feel pleasure. I will be bad, irresponsible. Someone will punish me" "If I feel love, I will be trapped or hurt. I will be left. I will be responsible for the other.” (plus all negative cultural attitudes about emotions) 2nd level Minimal emotional expressed • Emotions are experienced and expressed, • though continues to be at holding in or holding back from fully embodied emotional expression All four emotions at this levels are anchored in old patterns

29. TheLevels of Expression, Emotions and Relations Anger Anger as constructive strength to change Constructive dealing with conflicts Pain Pain as motivational strength to do positive things Showing the stress limits of the relationship Fear as alarm signal to avert danger expressed Fear Joy Joy as strength to lead a satisfying and meaningful life Fear allows us to regain our own strenght Joy allows us to share our joy with others Joy, fun and love as signs of a satisfying relationship Naming the violated biopsychosocial basic needs Anger allows us to feel our own strength Pain allows the development of positive feelings The total expression of our .... 3rd Level Total expres-sion of feelings (Gut level) • Primary emotions are fully expressed, and the entire body is involved, • The individual is completely involved in the expression of emotions and • is focused on expressing both the intensity and the nature of the emotion. 4th Level Identity level • The emotion is no longer directed against someone else, • it is an expression of one's own emotional power, self-assurance and identity. • One feels entitled to express one's emotions and needs. • One is able to accept one's emotions and still feel lovable. The consequences for the relationship 5th Level Relationship • The emotions are anchored and really part of the identity level. • The communication is without projection.

30. Exercise “I do not exist” without eye-contact “I exist !!” with eye-contact You may hug each other!

31. Bonding Psychotherapy I exist I am me I need I am entitled Cognition attitudes and beliefs Memory Behavior implicit explicit Affect I am lovable and enjoy live ! emotions Fear Pain Anger Pleasure