How To Keep Both Feet On The Ground & Out of Your Mouth

How To Keep Both Feet On The Ground & Out of Your Mouth Presenter - Monica Swallop Tides Of Change March 6 & 7, 2007

Co-presenters: • Nancy Rehrig • Marty Landis • Linda Kerschner • Kitti Berkheimer • Susan Stimpfle • Mary Guertler • Michele Haines • Barbarann Lichtewalner • Cheryl Breitfeller • Sharon Karpiszin

Maureen Foster Audrey Hammen Linda Lee Iezzi Diane Millman Jane Wentz Sandy Mink Diane Carfara Robin German Linda Andreas Tammy Boom Sue Supenia Karen Jackson Sharon Mitchell Co-presenters

Relativity “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change” ~Wayne Dyer

Turn it around... • Look at a situation from all angles • Look at the other person’s point of view • Put yourself in their place • Bring together different viewpoints

Take Charge of Your Emotions • Live lightly • Respond rather than react • Avoid going to extremes • Bypass bickering

Think Nice • Set the tone • Smile…people can hear • Please • Thank you • Sincere compliments

Think Twice • “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” • Mark Twain

Give the Benefit of the Doubt • Assumptions are often false • Don’t make a movie out of a situation

Avoid Judgement • Put your mind in gear before your mouth • Best time to say nothing is when you have the most to say

Five Rule • Think of 5 good points about the person • Nice smile • Loves animals • Great hair cut • Kind • Bakes a good cake

Five Rule • Think of 5 reasons why person may be acting the way they are: • Their shoes are too tight • They are hungry • They don’t feel well • They were called to task • Fight with spouse

Find the good... • “Everyone has good in them…you just have to look harder with some people.” • ~St. Theresa

Gossip – Drama Llama • How would you feel if someone said the same thing about you? • If you can’t answer “I would like that”, don’t say it or repeat it. • Is this being said for a constructive purpose? • Is it being exaggerated in order to add drama/excitement?

Recognize the Power of Words • Once you recognize the power of words, you are well on your way to speaking words that uplift rather than tear down • Awareness is half the battle • Think before you speak

“I have never been hurt by anything I did not say.” • ~ Calvin Coolidge

Tactful Phrases When you disagree: • It seems to me that the problem… • While I don’t agree with your conclusion... • Would it be possible for you to recheck...

Tactful Phrases When situation gets heated: • Obviously you are too upset to discuss this now, I will talk to you later. • We don’t have to agree, but is there any reason we can’t be civil to each other? • You have every right to feel that way if that were the case.

Tactful Phrases • I understand you have a problem with that, but I expect to be treated with courtesy and professionalism

Tactful Phrases When you are being pressured: • I don’t feel totally comfortable with that… • Don’t you think it would be a good idea to hold off until...

Tactful Phrases • When clarification is needed… • I’d appreciate your help understanding this… • Perhaps I misunderstood… • It looks like we got our signals crossed… • Perhaps I did not explain myself clearly…

Tactful Phrases • With all due respect….

Tactful Phrases • When you want to express anger: • I feel I was treated unfairly... • I was upset when I realized…

Anger • Anger is one letter short of danger • Walk away • Evaluate the situation

Avoid You have to…(controlling) I can not.. But…. I am sorry Alternative Are you willing to… I will try… End the sentence; try however I apologize (use the person’s name in sentence form). It’s all in how you say it...

Humor • Lightens up a situation • Breaks down barriers • Laughter is underestimated in the work environment • Create your own

Body Language • Negative - “I don’t believe anything you are saying - and I am bored.” • Positive - “ I am really interested in what you are saying.”

Body Language • Avoid ‘closed’ body posture • Arms folded across chest • Hiding your hands and palms

Body Language • Avoid touching face when speaking. • Rubbing nose, eyes, ears, head, or neck shows doubt in what you are saying or hearing • Blink normally and nod your head to show agreement

Avoid Extraneous Movements • Finger drumming • Scratching • Twitching • Darting eyes around the room

Positive Expectations “This is a waste of time!” “They’ll never agree to this.” • If you don’t believe it, what makes you think they will? • Talk yourself into a state of optimism • Go in with courage of your convictions

Being Proactive

Evaluate the Situation • Is this trivial? • Can I let this roll off my back? • Take time to think about what it is you want • Do not react from emotions • Be honest with yourself; empathic with the other side

History of the Situation • Is it someone/something you deal with everyday? • Is the behavior intentional or innocent? • Is it temporary? • Will it change?

Let’s Talk • Get the facts, or the facts will get you • Be prepared to present in a confident manner • Use words or terms you are familiar with • Keep it simple • Know what it is that you want • Focus

5 Second Confidence Fix • Use ‘proud me’ posture - Your mother probably taught it to you! • Sit up straight • Pull your shoulders up and back • Automatically pulls your head up • You will feel more optimistic & things will literally be looking up

Greeting • Make eye contact • Smile • Shake hands if you are comfortable doing so and if appropriate • Make it personal, use names

Express Your Intent • Start with person’s name • Use that cooperative attitude • Speak slowly and clearly • Avoid words that you might stumble over • If you do stumble, replace the word with another one • Show the proper respect

Stand on Principles • Avoid trying to outwit the other person • Stand tall but don’t knock down • Get your point across by presenting with a cooperative attitude

Listen Attentively • Let them know you are hearing their concerns by repeating them and asking questions • Maintain eye contact • Avoid unblinking stare…let them know you are interested & still alive

Summary • Relativity - look at the whole picture • Take charge of your emotions - live lightly • Think nice - think twice • Give the benefit of the doubt • Five Rules • Recognize the power of words

Be Confident - Be Proactive “Why not go out on a limb? That is where the fruit is.” • ~ Will Rogers

How To Keep Both Feet On The Ground & Out of Your Mouth