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Leading Our Kids to Love God. 2010 Xenos Summer Institute. Joe Botti. Leading Our Kids To Love God. Why are we interested in this topic?. Leading Our Kids To Love God. A Tough Job

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Leading our kids to love god

Leading Our Kids to Love God

2010 Xenos Summer Institute

Joe Botti


Leading our kids to love god1

Leading Our Kids To Love God

Why are we interested in this topic?


Leading our kids to love god2

Leading Our Kids To Love God

  • A Tough Job

    “A few decades ago, between 55% & 66% of churched young people claimed the church will play a part in their lives when they leave home.

    Now only 33% of churched youth say that! This is consistent with what various denominational leaders have confessed to me. Many have estimated that between 69% & 94% of their young people are leaving the traditional church after high school... and very few are returning.”

    Josh McDowell, The Last Christian Generation


Leading our kids to love god

serving God

worldly achievement

drugs

alcohol

sexual exploitation

apathy


Leading our kids to love god3

Leading Our Kids To Love God

Not an easy task!


Leading our kids to love god4

Leading Our Kids To Love God

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6

  • Break and bring into submission a wild horse by a rope in the mouth.

  • Description of a strategy midwives use to help new borns develop a thirst for breast feeding.


Leading our kids to love god5

Leading Our Kids To Love God

  • Our Role

  • Relationship & Influence

  • Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Age Specific Ideas


Leading our kids to love god6

Leading Our Kids To Love God

  • Our Role

  • Relationship & Influence

  • Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Age Specific Ideas


Our role

Our Role

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord

    • Enjoy a genuine relationship with Christ

    • Love His word, the Bible

    • Learn prayer as a lifestyle

    • Learn to resist damaging sin

    • Experience God’s power & love through significant service


Our role1

Our Role

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord.

  • Embrace our role, not abdicate it

    • And you shall teach them (laws & commands) to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk along the road when you lie down and when you rise up.-Deut 11:19


Our role2

Our Role

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord.

  • Embrace our role

    “A parent is a partner with God in making disciples of their children.”

    -Chuck Swindoll, You and Your Child quoted Dr. Henry Brandt, Build a Happy Home with Discipline, pg 2


Our role3

Our Role

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord.

  • Embrace God’s role!

I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth… For we are God's fellow workers… -Paul 1, Cor3:6, 9

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. -Paul, Phil 2:13


Our role4

Our Role

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord.

  • Embrace our role, not abdicate

  • Gotta live it to give it

    “Children know if their parents love the Lord, and if they serve Him, and if they obey Him, and if He is important in their lives. There is no substitute for the godly life.”

    —Dr. J. Vernon McGee's Thru The Bible, Psalm 128


Our role5

Our Role

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord.

  • Embrace our role, not abdicate

  • Gotta live it to give it

    • A study in Xenos

    • 75% of students from committed Christian parents were still walking with God thru college.

    • Only 35% of students from uncommitted Christian parents were still walking with God thru college.


Our role6

Our Role

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord.

  • Embrace our role, not abdicate

  • Gotta live it to give it

    • Read Swindoll, pg 44, “You & Your Child”

    • This creates thirst

    • Love of God, not legalism


Leading our kids to love god7

Leading Our Kids To Love God

  • Our Role

  • Relationship & Influence

  • Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Age Specific Ideas


Relationship influence

Relationship & Influence

  • Everything goes better when the relationship is in place!

    • Relationship creates thirst

    • “In raising children, everything depends on the love relationship between parent and child. Nothing works well if a child’s love needs are not met.” “Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can do her best.”

      Chapman & Campbell, The Five Love Languages of Children, pg 17


Relationship influence1

Relationship & Influence

  • Everything goes better when the relationship is in place!

    “Having a disengaged parent (even though he/she may be physically present) is very problematic with regard to early problem behaviors with substance abuse.”

    Randal Day, PhD., The National Longitudinal Study of Youth, 1997


Relationship influence2

Relationship & Influence

  • Everything goes better when the relationship is in place!

    “Adults whose fathers had been highly involved when they were children were more tolerant and understanding and engaged in more socially responsible behavior than those with less involved fathers.”

    McClelland, D.C., Constantian, C.A., Regalado, D. & Stone, C., 'Making it to maturity', Psychology Today, 12, 1978, pp. 42-46; Biller, Fathers and Families, 1993.; Biller & Trotter, The Father Factor, 1994; Block, J., Lives Through Time, Berkeley, CA: Bancroft, 1971; Appleton, W.S., Fathers and Daughters, New York: Doubleday, 1981.


Relationship influence3

Relationship & Influence

  • In a study published in September 2002, researchers at the University of Minnesota found that teenagers are less likely to start having sex when their mothers are deeply involved in their children's lives and successfully communicate their values on sex with their kids. The study was national and longitudinal, conducting sensitive interviews with several thousand mothers and adolescents separately.

    Robert Blum, MD, Ph.D., professor and director of the University of Minnesota's Center for Adolescent Health and Development authored the study.


Relationship influence4

Relationship & Influence

  • Connectedness proved to be more important to kids than what mothers said. In the study, "connectedness' means, how close teens feel to their mothers, how much they feel mother cares for them and how warm and loving mother is, and how good communication is with their mother. The amount of satisfaction a teen feels toward her relationship with her mom is also crucial.

    Mothers' Influence on Adolescent Sex - How Being Connected to Your Child Can Promote Abstinence by Louise Hajjar Diamond.


Relationship influence5

Relationship & Influence

  • Characteristics of parents who connect

Slowing Down

  • Patient listening

  • Connect on their love language

  • One on one time spent

  • Discipline with vision

  • They don’t exasperate

Influence

Creates Thirst


Relationship influence6

Relationship & Influence

  • Old ideas losing traction

    • Family dinners most every night

    • Fun Family nights

    • Vacations!

    • One on one time with each kid

Declined by 10% 1981 to 1997

Declined by 28% 1977 to 1997

Overscheduled Kids, Under Connected Families: The Research

William J. Doherty, Ph.D. Family Social Science Department University of Minnesota, April 2005


Relationship building

Time & energy

Relationship Building

Make believe

Younger

(ages 1 to 8)

Nature

Camping

Building things

Animals

Crafts

Youth Grp

Mid Range

(ages 9-14)

Coaching

Camping

Reading

Music

Hobbies

Out to eat

Out to eat

Music

Older

(ages 15-18)

Driving

Reading together

Movies


Relationship influence7

Relationship & Influence

  • Apologize when you are wrong

    • “There are three seldom-heard phrases that, if spoken genuinely, could breach a growing gap between teens and their parents: ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘I was wrong.’ ‘Please forgive me.’”

    • “... your show of vulnerability makes you a touchable person. It is almost impossible to feel close to someone who insists on always being right.”Dr. Robert Laurent, “Keeping Your Teen In Touch With God


Relationship influence8

Relationship & Influence

  • Don’t overindulge

    • “Parents often inadvertently confuse love with overindulgence. They don’t want their children to suffer a moment of frustration or be deprived of any desire.”

    • “Adults with the greatest emotional difficulties were generally over gratified, overprotected, and overindulged as children.”

    • MariluHenner, “I refuse to raise a brat”


Leading our kids to love god

High internal control

High independence

k

High external control

High dependence

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10

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16

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18


Leading our kids to love god

High Freedom

High independence

High internal control

High independence

k

2

3

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10

11

12

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15

16

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Leading our kids to love god

High Freedom

High independence

High internal control

High independence

k

“Poverty and shame will come to him who neglects discipline, But he who regards reproof will be honored.” -Proverbs 13:18

“Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you beat him with the rod, he will not die.”

-Proverbs 23:13

High external control

High dependence

2

3

4

5

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18


Leading our kids to love god8

Leading Our Kids To Love God

  • Our Role

  • Relationship & Influence

  • Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Age Specific Ideas


Withstanding cultural pressure

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Resist “accomplishment” frenzy

    • Old fashion play & relating


Withstanding cultural pressure1

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

Resist “accomplishment” frenzy

Overscheduled Kids, Under Connected Families: The Research

byWilliam J. Doherty, Ph.D. Family Social Science Department University of Minnesota, April 2005

Studies conducted between 1981 to 1997


Leading our kids to love god

Decline in kids free time

12 hr decline per week for ages 3-12

Increase in structured sports

Doubled from 2 hrs, 20 min per week to 5 hrs 17 min per week for ages 3 to 12

Increase in studying by 50%

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

3 yr. old: 9 weeks summer camp!


Leading our kids to love god

Decline in religious participation

40% decline in hours per week in children's religious participation for kids ages 3-12.

24% decline in high school students.

Withstanding Cultural Pressure


Busy kids

Busy Kids


Leading our kids to love god

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

The OverAchievers: The Secret Lives Of Driven Kids

Hothouse Kids: How the Pressure to Succeed Threatens Childhood


Leading our kids to love god

A scholarship or entrance to a prestigious college.

Goal is material success.

Everyone is paying the price.

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

The Price of Privilege: How parental pressure and material advantage are creating a generation of disconnected and unhappy kids


Leading our kids to love god

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

“But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith, and pierced themselves with many a pang.”

-Paul, 1 Timothy 6:9-10


Withstanding cultural pressure2

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

God won first place

Spiritual growth was intentional

Withstood cultural pressure


Withstanding cultural pressure3

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Resist “accomplishment” frenzy

    • Barna found two main outcomes sought by most parents. Pg 46

      • Honing Skills

      • Grasping information

    • Character development ?


Leading our kids to love god

Character development!

Withstanding Cultural Pressure


Withstanding cultural pressure4

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Resist “accomplishment” frenzy

    “Every single Revolutionary Parent we interviewed agreed that the most important focus of their children’s training was the development of godly character.”

    George Barna, Revolutionary Parenting, pg. 46


Leading our kids to love god

Gut Check:

What do you desire in your kids?

State tennis champion or a loyal follower of Jesus Christ?

“Straight A” student or an average student who shares his faith?

Withstanding Cultural Pressure


Withstanding cultural pressure5

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

Can’t we have both?

“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money (mammon).” -Jesus Christ, Matthew 6.24


Withstanding cultural pressure6

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Resist “accomplishment” frenzy

  • Disconnect from the screen

    “Families moved from living rooms filled with dialogue to family rooms dominated by electronic devices. As a result, conversations became unlikely. Now we have rooms full of machines that pour noise and images into homes and wipe out personal interactions.”

    • Glenn & Nelsen “Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World” Pgs 6-7


Withstanding cultural pressure7

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Resist “accomplishment” frenzy

  • Ideas on disconnecting from the screen

    • Specific screen time hours

    • Daily allotment of screen time hours

    • Resist buying video game unit

    • Use as rewards


Leading our kids to love god

“Just to chime in with some of my personal experience with this issue.  My son is only 8 years old, but we made a mistake in letting him get a game cube at age 5.  I felt conflicted over this for a number of reasons.  He became obsessed with it and rarely ever wanted to play with his sister.  I noticed him moody, grumpy and angry when asked to transition from the game to another activity.  The game system broke several years ago.  It was not replaced.  As a result, we saw such a change in his overall attitude and behavior. 

 He is imaginative, plays with his sister, climbs trees and does not ask for it anymore.  The video games are very influential on some kids, leading to a variety of issues especially shorter attention span, poor relational skills and a short temper. I've seen this at work as well.  I am a child art therapist.  Many boys have come to counseling who are overly attached to video games and showing the above mentioned behavioral symptoms.  I have seen many boys change in their behavior and attitude from one simple change at home: greatly reduced video game time and more 1:1 time with parents”


Withstanding cultural pressure8

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

Resist “accomplishment “frenzy”

Disconnect from the screen

Be givers, not takers

“You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

-Paul: Acts 20:35


Withstanding cultural pressure9

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

Resist “accomplishment “frenzy”

Disconnect from the screen

Be givers, not takers

Do your children see you live this out in your home?

That God & people matter, not things.


Withstanding cultural pressure10

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

Field Trip To The Dump:

“Show them all the piles of “treasures” that were formerly Christmas and birthday presents. Point out things which cost hundreds of dollars, things which children quarreled about, friendships were lost over, honesty was sacrificed for, and marriages broke up over.


Withstanding cultural pressure11

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

“Show them the miscellaneous arms and legs and remnants of battered dolls, rusted robots, and electronic gadgets that now lie useless after their brief life span. Point out to them that most of what your family owns will one day be in a junkyard like this. Read 2 Peter 3:10-14, which tells us that everything will be consumed by fire.”


Withstanding cultural pressure12

Withstanding Cultural Pressure

Resist “accomplishment “frenzy”

Disconnect from the screen

Be givers, not takers—Other Ideas

Teach them to give 10% (even birthday & Christmas $)

3 Jars: Giving, Spending, Savings.

Teach kids to wait


Leading our kids to love god9

Leading Our Kids To Love God

  • Our Role

  • The Role of Influence & Relationship

  • Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Age Specific Ideas


Age specific ideas our goals

Age Specific Ideas: Our Goals

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord

    • Enjoy a genuine relationship with Christ

    • Love His word, the Bible

    • Learn prayer as a lifestyle

    • Learn to resist damaging sin

    • Experience God’s power & love through sacrificial service


Age specific ideas expectations

Age Specific Ideas: Expectations

  • Bed Times…

    • Talking and Relating

      • Early ages = Lots of it!

      • Older ages = Often times less

      • Questions about God

      • Early ages = Concrete , self & family

      • Older ages = Visibly fewer, but probably more! More abstract & outward

Set aside the time

Draw out


Age specific ideas our goals1

Age Specific Ideas: Our Goals

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord

    • Enjoy a genuine relationship with Christ

    • Love His word, the Bible

    • Learn prayer as a lifestyle

    • Protect from damaging sin

    • Experience God’s power & love through sacrificial service


Make sure they are in christ

Make Sure They Are “In Christ”

Ages 0 to 8

Ages 9 to 14

More Abstract

(John 3:16)

(Rom 3:23)

(Rom 6:23)

(Rom 10:9-11)

Concrete & Simple

  • “Remember the time you told a lie?”


Leading our kids to love god

People

God

C

H

R

I

S

T

Sins

J e s u s

Mountain

Mountain


Age specific ideas our goals2

Age Specific Ideas: Our Goals

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord

    • Enjoy a genuine relationship with Christ

    • Love His word, the Bible

    • Learn prayer as a lifestyle

    • Protect from damaging sin

    • Experience God’s power & love through sacrificial service


Love his word the bible

Love His Word: The Bible

“You, (Timothy) however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them; and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.”

-The Apostle Paul, 2Tim 3:14-15


Love his word the bible1

Love His Word: The Bible

  • For younger kids, ages 0 to 8

  • Simple, Concrete: Stories!


Love his word the bible2

Love His Word: The Bible

  • For older kids ages 9 to 14…

  • Move towards abstract & theology


Love his word the bible3

Love His Word: The Bible

  • For older kids ages 9 to 14

  • What if child says, “NO!”?


Love his word the bible4

Love His Word: The Bible

  • For older kids ages 9 to 14

  • Mentor with your child’s friend


Love his word the bible5

Love His Word: The Bible

For older kids ages 9 to 14


Age specific ideas our goals3

Age Specific Ideas: Our Goals

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord

    • Enjoy a genuine relationship with Christ

    • Love His word, the Bible

    • Learn prayer as a lifestyle

    • Protect from damaging sin

    • Experience God’s power & love through sacrificial service


Learn prayer as a lifestyle

Learn Prayer As a Lifestyle

Ages 0 to 8

Ages 9 to 14

Endure resistance

Encourage authenticity

Bring in your prayers for your friends

Model thanksgiving and trust

  • Endure lots of repetition

  • Cultivate honesty

  • Explain God’s approach to answering prayers through illustrations


Learn prayer as a lifestyle1

Learn Prayer As a Lifestyle

Ages 0 to 8

Ages 9 to 14


Age specific ideas our goals4

Age Specific Ideas: Our Goals

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord

    • Enjoy a genuine relationship with Christ

    • Love His word, the Bible

    • Learn prayer as a lifestyle

    • Protect from damaging sin

    • Experience God’s power & love through sacrificial service


Protect from damaging sins

Protect From Damaging Sins

  • For older kids ages 9 to 14…

    • Why?

    • What are they...at these ages?

      • Inappropriate physical relationships

      • Alcohol-Drugs

      • Lying (trust is essential in relationships)

      • Stealing

      • Disobedience (reduce rules at older ages)

      • Disrespect (reduce expectations at older ages)


Protect from damaging sins1

Protect From Damaging Sins

  • Discuss some ideas…

    • The right peer group

      • He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm. Prov 13:20

      • Have peers over to your house

      • Build a relationship with them

      • If non-Christian, help bring them to Christ

      • What would you do if your kid was invited out to a friend’s house whom you don’t know?


Protect from damaging sins2

Protect From Damaging Sins

  • Discuss some ideas…

    • The right peer group

    • Expose the world system

      • “Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

      • For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.” -Apostle John, 1 John 2:15-16


Protect from damaging sins3

Protect From Damaging Sins

  • Discuss some ideas

    • The right peer group

    • Expose the world system

      • 1 John 2:15-16

      • Watch cinema, tv, & help think critically

      • Use real life examples of people who exemplify the antithesis and thesis


Protect from damaging sins4

Protect From Damaging Sins

  • Discuss some ideas

    • The right peer group

    • Expose the world system

    • Strong teaching on God’s view of sexuality

      • Screen protection/reporting


Age specific ideas our goals5

Age Specific Ideas: Our Goals

  • Raise our kids to fully commit to the Lord

    • Enjoy a genuine relationship with Christ

    • Love His word, the Bible

    • Learn prayer as a lifestyle

    • Protect from damaging sin

    • Experience God’s power & love through sacrificial service


Experiencing god s power love

Experiencing God’s power & love

Get younger kids used to serving at home

  • Sharing toys, family jobs, etc

  • Should be tithing to God’s work


Experiencing god s power love1

Experiencing God’s power & love

  • Older kids…

  • Why are students leaving the church?

    • They don’t know why they believe?

    • They get into alienating sin.

    • They don’t experience God’s power & love in their own lives.

    • Judges 2:7,10: 3rd generation didn’t believe


Experiencing god s power love2

Experiencing God’s power & love

  • For older kids ages 9 to 14…

    Get involved in significant, creative serving outside the home

    • Team up with friends for fundraising project (b-day parties, garage sale, etc)

    • Matching gifts short term program

    • Missions trip


Leading our kids to love god

For older kids ages 9 to 14…

Motivate them to share their faith

“The most striking change was the fact that teenagers today seem much less inclined to have spiritual conversations about their faith in Christ with non-believers. 

Experiencing God’s power & love


Leading our kids to love god

For older kids ages 9 to 14

“Among born again Christian teenagers, the proportion who said they had explained their beliefs to someone else with different faith views in the last year had declined from nearly two-thirds of teenagers in 1997 (63%) to less than half of Christian teens in the December 2009 study (45%).  

The Barna Group 2010

Experiencing God’s power & love


Leading our kids to love god

Experiencing God’s power & love

  • Active participants in youth group

    • What do you do if they say, “no” ?

    • Benefits of involvement in Body Life

      • Experience relevance of God’s word

      • Experience others coming to Christ

      • Inviting new kids to youth group

      • Learn how to share their faith


Leading our kids to love god10

Leading Our Kids To Love God

  • Our Role

  • The Role of Influence & Relationship

  • Withstanding Cultural Pressure

  • Age Specific Ideas


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