LOVE & SUPPORT

1. LOVE & SUPPORT Helping your child succeed in school (and life) Mrs. CJ Fisher & Mrs. Katie BrownELL Family Night, 12/12/12 Shuksan Middle School

2. Why We’ve Gathered Tonight Families’ attitudes and actions can ensure students success. • Families will gain practical strategies for supporting their child's learning and success at school • Families will choose two learning actions to try at home • Families will learn that other parents face similar difficulties at home and feel a sense of community.

3. Truth #1 #1. Children need love and support before they need academic tutoring

4. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, Dr. John Gottman "Studies show that children who feel respected and valued in their families do better in school, have more friendships, and live healthier, more successful lives.” What leads to student success?

5. Support = showing empathy • What it is: • Empathy is an understanding what a child feels • It is a true understanding that the task is difficult. • You don’t have to agree to empathize POSSIBLE ACTION • What it sounds like: • "Yes, it will probably be a tough [assignment] today. C'mon, let me help you get ready." youthsports.rutgers.edu

6. Support = speaking love & encouragement • On average, we have 20 minutes a day to… • register a complaint, a command, or a request for assistance • As kids grow older, the ratio of negative to positive comments appears to increase POSSIBLE ACTION • Try to up your ratio of positive to negative comments. • 4:1? 5:1? 8:1? • The number doesn’t matter… the impact is what matters. familyeducation.com

7. Words that make kids feel great Yes    Good    Fine    Very good    Very fine    Excellent Marvelous   That’s right    Correct    Wonderful    I like the way you do that    I’m pleased with (proud of ) you That’s good    Wow    Oh boy   Very nice    Good work    Great going    Good for you    Great effort That’s the way Much better       O.K.    You’re doing better    Good idea    What a clever idea That’s it    Good job    Great job controlling yourself    I like the way you ______ I noticed that you ____      Keep it up    I had fun ______ with you You are improving at ______ more and more    You showed a lot of responsibility when you ______ Way to go    I appreciate the way you ______    You are great at that    You’re the best Good remembering    That’s beautiful    I like your______ I like the way you ______ with out having to be asked

8. Truth #2 Families do play a critical role in students’ academic success as strategic coaches, not demanding bosses Yes!

9. ATTITUDES OF SUPPORTIVE FAMILIES

10. Show Interest In School by… • Talk about school each day. • Ask to see class work. • Listen to your child read aloud • Read to and with your child from a variety of material in your first language. • Contact teachers for Wednesday meetings

11. ACTIONS OF SUPPORTIVE FAMILIES

12. Truth #3 All families experience academic and school difficulties. There are many resources (other parents included) to help solve specific problems.

13. ADVICE FROM “Help on the Home Front for Disappointing Grades,” from Getting to Calm by Dr. Laura Kastner

14. Organize the home space. • Teens may need their parents’ help in planning, organizing and persisting. • Intrude as little as possible • Help a disorganized teen manage his social and athletic life to include a time and place for concentrating on schoolwork. POSSIBLE ACTION • Decide on a block of time for home study hall • Limit access to media. • Figure out the best location • Determine whether parent “coaching” will be effective • Consult with teachers or school counselors, who may have additional ideas and insights into the problem.

15. Strategies When Grades Slip

16. Make a plan with your student’s input. • They won’t do it, if they don’t buy in. • What plan can you create with your student to improve grades? POSSIBLE ACTION • Create a homework contract with your student • Use it for a limited time • Monitor • Check in • Adjust • Celebrate Getting to Calm (Kastner, p. 213)

17. Make homework time, learning time. • How can you respond if your student says, “I don’t have homework! POSSIBLE ACTION • Make study time a priority • Use Learning Time Checklist or other resources for additional learning activities

18. Reach out for help. • Since all families experience these problems, there are many, many resources. POSSIBLE ACTION • Use problem/solution cards for strategic intervention • Call your student’s teachers • Join a parent class like “Strengthening Families”

19. Truth #4 Sometimes, we all benefit from taking a step back.

20. The Big 10 Characteristics of a Successful Teen • Motivation and drive • Practical reasoning and judgment • Moral attentiveness and character • Emotional awareness • Healthy habits • Self-control and emotional management • Social skills • Communication skills • Intellectual interests and abilities • Spiritual awareness Getting to Calm (Kastner), p. 225

21. How can we set up our students for success in life? Getting to Calm (Kastner), p. 225

22. What are some take-aways from tonight’s discussion? *Let’s review our checklist. Select 2-4 strategies you would like to start using with your student. *Write a note of encouragement. If you’d like to take a moment to connect with your student, blank note cards are available. *Thank you for attending tonight. This presentation and other handouts will be available on Shuksan’s webpage in the “Families” section. Please contact any Shuksan staff member with any questions or concerns.

23. ResourcesThese resources were consulted in the preparation of this class