Workshop Agenda. This workshop is based on the SLAA pamphlet Setting Bottom Lines"Our time is divided into five sections: Each section includes a brief description of the item, personal writing and group discussion. . What are bottom lines?. Bottom lines are self defined activities which we refr
1. Setting Bottom Lines
2. Workshop Agenda This workshop is based on the SLAA pamphlet “Setting Bottom Lines”
Our time is divided into five sections:
Each section includes a brief description of the item, personal writing and group discussion.
3. What are bottom lines? Bottom lines are “self defined activities which we refrain from in order to experience our physical, mental, emotional, sexual and spiritual wholeness.”
Bottom lines are the boundaries between our addictive lives and “a new life of fulfillment, richness and mystery…”
4. Where do we begin? Step One: We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Each person in SLAA has different addictive behaviors and acts out differently.
So our bottom lines are self defined, recognized and set with the help of a sponsor and a higher Power.
5. I. Destructive Behaviors We start defining our bottom lines by first looking at our destructive behaviors involving sex, love, romance, or unhealthy avoidance of them.
What brought you to SLAA?
What causes you pain and suffering?
What hurts and demoralizes those around you?
What actions are you often powerless to stop.
What makes your life feel as if it is about to spin out of control?
6. Examples of destructive behaviors: Having an affair
Staying in abusive relationships
Paying for sex
Compulsive avoidance of social/sexual or relationship activity
7. What consequences may result from your destructive behaviors? Spiritual, mental, physical harm to self and others
Lowered self esteem
Loss of job
Sexually transmitted diseases
Loss of family
Depression, anxiety, suicide
8. II. Addictive Patterns Reviewing your destructive behaviors can reveal addictive patterns.
These could be:
activities you choose
type of partners you choose
how you plan or alter your schedule to act out
where you act out
Working closely with a sponsor may help you to uncover your patterns.
9. II. Addictive Patterns How do YOU contribute to putting yourself into slippery places, or staying there?
How do you set yourself up to act out?
For example, finding excuses to re-engage with your qualifier.
Identifying addictive patterns can prevent relapse and prevent finding new ways to act out.
For example, replacing prostitutes with compulsive masturbation.
10. Examples of addictive patterns: Always choosing unavailable partners
Confusing lust with love
Being sexual very early on in relationships
Having fantasy relationships with people who show you kindness
Dating people who remind you of your mother or father
Ending relationships when they become too intimate
Objectifying people as mere sex objects
11. III. Accessory Behaviors Are warning signs that you are in danger of acting out.
Are not destructive themselves but they support your addiction.
Seem innocent but set you up to act out.
Include strategies we use to get relationship or sex partners, or materials for acting out.
Consider your motives before doing anything that might be an accessory behavior. What outcome you are REALLY hoping for?
12. Examples of accessory behaviors: Cruising for sex.
Going places where you may “accidentally” run into your qualifier.
Using drugs or alcohol.
Listening too, reading or watching romantic or sexy songs, books and movies.
Rejecting all social or dating invitations.
“Innocently” contacting ex partners.
Obsessively thinking about qualifiers or reviewing contact information.
13. IV. Bottom Line Behaviors Bottom line behaviors are “self defined activities which we refrain from in order to experience physical, mental, emotional, sexual and spiritual wholeness.”
Bottom lines are based on patterns of behavior.
Bottom lines should be clear, specific and easy to remember so that you know when you have crossed them.
Engaging in any of these behaviors is considered a slip in your sobriety.
14. Examples of bottom lines: No getting into a new relationship before ending a current one.
No lying to my partner.
No having sex on the first date.
No masturbating with pornography.
No unprotected sex.
No pursuing inappropriate and unavailable people.
No sex or intrigue with a married person.
15. Examples of bottom lines: No contacting qualifiers or trying to find out information about them.
No using prostitutes for sex.
No going to strip bars or peep shows.
No stalking an ex-partner or contacting a qualifier who wants no contact.
No cheating on my partner physically or emotionally.
No fantasy relationships.
No compulsively avoiding sex in a committed relationship.
16. Once you have your bottom lines, with the help of your Higher Power and the Fellowship, refrain from these behaviors one day at a time.
17. V. Healthy Behaviors Many members find it helpful to list healthy, appropriate behaviors that are personally relevant.
These healthy behaviors fulfill and nurture us, take the place of addictive behavior, contribute to our spiritual growth and recovery, and bring joy into our lives.
18. Examples of healthy behavior: Prayer and meditation.
Working the twelve-steps.
Using positive affirmations.
Having a dating plan.
Calling program members.
Going to twelve-step recovery programs.
Going to fellowship after meetings.
Consulting my sponsor before engaging in some slippery behavior.
19. THE END