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BAXTER’S STEPS IN BREAKING UP

BAXTER’S STEPS IN BREAKING UP. Step 1 : Onset of Problem More often incremental, sometimes critical incident Step 2 : Decision to exit 68% are unilateral (non-reciprocal) 32% are bilateral. Step 3 : Direct or indirect Communication about intent to partner

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BAXTER’S STEPS IN BREAKING UP

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  1. BAXTER’S STEPS INBREAKING UP • Step 1: Onset of Problem • More often incremental, sometimes critical incident • Step 2: Decision to exit • 68% are unilateral (non-reciprocal) • 32% are bilateral

  2. Step 3: Direct or indirect Communication about intent to partner • 76% indirect: withdrawal, decreased intimacy, decreased contact • cost escalation: increase costs of relationship to other - become a pain • 24% direct: • Fait Accompli (73%) - “It’s over!” • State of the Relationship talk (27%) discussion leads to exit

  3. Step 4: Reaction of partner (do they accept the bid?) • 22% chance accept indirect bids • 66% chance accept direct bids • Only 35% overall acceptance of bids • Fiat Accompli, 83% chance of acceptance • Tend to offer counter bids • 1) reward-oriented resistance, “I promise to do what you like” • 2) cost-oriented resistance, “I’ll get you for this, tell friends you are a &*(%$)”

  4. Step 5: Ambivalence and repair scenarios • Does the disengager change their mind? • If not, cycle through again, bids tend to be indirect (75%) • Only 8 of 63 unilateral decisions to exit had a change of heart

  5. For Bilateral decisions: • Step 6: How direct should we be? • Indirect • Fading away - implicit understanding it over (83%) • Pseudo de-escalation - mutual deception while both maintain pretense of continuation • Direct • Attibutional conflict - captures why exit is necessary • Negotiated farewell - free of hostility

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