Forming relationships in young and middle adulthood
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Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood . Chapter 11. Friendship. Based in feeling, reciprocity, choice Less emotionally, intense than romantic Help self-esteem, self-awareness, self-respect Facilitate socialization in adulthood. Adult Friends. Stages (ABCDE) Acquaintanceship

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Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood

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Forming relationships in young and middle adulthood

Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood

Chapter 11


Friendship

Friendship

  • Based in feeling, reciprocity, choice

  • Less emotionally, intense than romantic

  • Help self-esteem, self-awareness, self-respect

  • Facilitate socialization in adulthood


Adult friends

Adult Friends

  • Stages (ABCDE)

    • Acquaintanceship

    • Buildup

    • Continuation

    • Deterioration

    • Ending

      • A-B depends on similarity, communication, importance of relationship

      • E depends on availability of alternatives


Adult friends1

Adult Friends

  • More friends in young adulthood than at any other time

  • Critical during adulthood as life satisfaction linked w/ quality of friends

    • Help manage stress

    • Linked w/ longevity


Adult friends2

Adult Friends

  • 3 broad themes underlay adult friends

    • Affective component

      • Self-disclosure, intimacy, affection, support, trust, loyalty, commitment

    • Communal nature

      • Participate in supportive activities

    • Sociability

      • Friends are source of fun, recreation


Siblings as friends

Siblings As Friends

  • Important relationship for most

    • Peaks during adolescence & late life

    • At all times women place more importance


Gender differences friends

Gender Differences: Friends

  • Women

    • Friendships based on intimacy, emotional sharing, disclosure of personal matters

    • More relationships than men

  • Men

    • Friendships based on shared activities or interests (e.g, sports) & competition

    • Less intimacy & disclosure


Forming relationships in young and middle adulthood

Love

  • Sternberg

    • Passion

    • Intimacy

    • Commitment

  • In a lasting love relationship

    • Passion high early I & C low (but I rising fast)

    • Passion fades, I stabilizes & C rises


Falling in love

Falling In Love

  • Assortative Mating

    • Similarity predictions attraction

      • Only to a point

      • Only for key, important dimensions

        • Religion, sex, politics, physical appearance


Falling in love1

Falling In Love

  • Compatibility leads to application of 3 filters (Murstein)

    • Stimulus

      • Appearance, social class, manners match?

    • Values

      • Values match?

    • Role

      • Ideas about relationship, communication style gender roles match

  • All YES = couple formation


Abusive relationships

Abusive Relationships

  • Continuum of aggression

    • Verbal - physical - severe - murder

    • Less severe common

      • 25%-40% of relationships display less severe physical abuse (punching, slapping) occasionally

    • Severe less common

      • Usually long pattern of abuse of male partner


Abusive relationships1

Abusive Relationships

  • Cause of abuse depends on type of abuse

    • Verbal: need to control, jealousy, misuse of power (all also impact more severe forms of abuse)

    • Physical: abused as child, alcohol, positive attitudes towards violence, aggressive temperament (all also impact more severe forms of abuse)

    • Severe/murder: personality disorder, emotional instability, poor self-esteem


Abusive relationships2

Abusive Relationships

  • Cause also depends on gender

    • Need for control, power, jealousy M > W

  • Culture key as well

    • Cultures valuing female honor, passivity, nurturing, loyal supporters of higher-status males more accepting of abuse


Lifestyle

Lifestyle

  • Singlehood

    • ~80% men 20-24 single

    • ~70% women 20-24 single

      • Some career focused early in adulthood

    • More difficult for single women than men

      • Social pressure stronger on women to marry

      • Men marry later

    • 2x as many African Americans single in young adulthood


Singlehood

Singlehood

  • Never married women in 30s

    • Acute distress & wish to be married OR

    • Emotionally volatile OR

    • Happy single

  • When does one decide to be single?

    • Gradual process for most


Singlehood1

Singlehood

  • Advantages & disadvantages

    • Greater freedom

    • More lonely

      • Men: higher mortality, alcoholism, suicide rates

      • Women: more vulnerable to violent crime & extra duties at work


Cohabitation

Cohabitation

  • Dramatic increase in past 30 years

    • Most are 25-44 (v. > 45 in 1970s)

  • 3 primary reasons for cohabitation

    • Limited: convenience ($, sexual access, no commitment)

    • Premarital: trial marriage

    • Substitute marriage: long-term commitment w/o marriage


Cohabitation1

Cohabitation

  • Cultural differences abound

    • Sweden: 99% of couples live together before marriage & 25% unmarried

    • China: cohabitation rare

  • Impacts on marital success

    • Reduces marital satisfaction

    • Increases risk of divorce


Gay lesbian couples

Gay & Lesbian Couples

  • In most ways they are similar to heterosexual couples

  • Some differences do emerge

    • Less likely to argue about

      • Values, social-political issues

    • More likely to argue about

      • Trust, former lovers


Gay lesbian couples1

Gay & Lesbian Couples

  • Gender differences more key

    • Men: separate sex & love, have more short term relationships

    • Women: connect sex w/ love, have fewer, longer lasting relationships

  • Gay couples report less family support

    • Legal system fails to recognize rights of gay partners


Marriage

Marriage

  • Median age increased in past 30 years

    • Younger you marry higher risk of divorce

      • < 20 3x higher rate than 20s & 6x higher rate than 30s

  • Factors predicting marital success

    • Identity

    • Homogamy (similarity)

    • Perceived equality (fair exchange)


Marital happiness

Marital Happiness

  • Peaks & valleys

  • Generally happiest early & late

    • Drops during children

    • Rises after children leave home

  • Best if dependence is equal for both partners


Keeping a marriage happy

Keeping a Marriage Happy?

  • Make time

  • Express love

  • Be there in times of need

  • Constructive communication

  • Show interest

  • Confide

  • Forgive, understand


Family life cycle

Family Life Cycle

  • Having children bring benefits & problems

    • Personal satisfaction/needs, etc

    • Financial, personal sacrifices

  • Decision to have kids impacted by Fs


Having children

Having Children?

  • Feminine intrapsychic determinants

    • Relationship w/ parents, flexibility, feminine identification

  • Marriage determinants

    • Stability, support satisfaction, stress management


Having children1

Having Children?

  • Career determinants

    • Responsibility, satisfaction, change possible

  • Lifestyle determinants

    • $, child-free relationship, comparison group


Parental role

Parental Role

  • Currently couples have fewer kids later

    • Older mothers more affectionate, sensitive

    • Older fathers more invested, spends more time w/ child

  • Being a parent very stressful

    • New responsibilities

    • Changes relationship (ALL about child)

    • Worse for mother (especially is she works)

      • Men spend ~44% of the time raising kids v. moms


Single parents

Single Parents

  • Mostly women due to

    • Divorce

    • Keeping child out of wedlock

      • Ethnic differences: 70% AA births out of wedlock

  • Impacts on parents

    • Emotional difficulty

    • Financial problems (worse for single mothers)

    • Dating difficult (lonely)


Alternative parenting

Alternative Parenting

  • Gay couples raising children

    • No negative impacts

    • Some potential positives


Divorce

Divorce

  • Divorce rate - 50% in US

    • Highest in Russia, lowest in Netherlands

    • Increased in developed countries recently

      • Changes in social norms, laws

  • Reasons cited by men & women for D

    • Unhappy, infidelity, sexual problems

      • Men: alcohol abuse by self, women’s lib

      • Women: alcohol abuse by spouse, physical abuse


Divorce1

Divorce

  • Factors impacting divorce

    • Macro reasons

      • Social-cultural changes/values, gender roles

    • Demographics reasons

      • Age at marriage, parental divorce, cohabitation

    • Interpersonal reasons

      • Infidelity, violence, $, children, growing apart


Divorce2

Divorce

  • Impacts of divorce on couple

    • Emotional problems (lasting)

      • Depressed, rejected, angry, disappointed, unhappy

    • Divorce hangover

      • Unable to let go and move on as single person

      • Preoccupation predictor of poor adjustment

        • Men: accept blame, move out, social life changed

        • Women: fewer remarriage, friends prospects, $ troubles


Divorce3

Divorce

  • Relationship w/ children

    • 70% mothers regain custody after divorce

    • Fathers become negligent rapidly

    • Problems extend to divorce w/ adult children

      • Emotional difficulties & poor father relationship


Remarriage

Remarriage

  • Very common (W < M)

    • Average wait is 4 years

    • Increased change of divorce (even more w./. stepchildren)

    • Women benefit more than men


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