Leading for change
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Wisconsin Annual Conference Cabinet Catalyst Retreat May 26-27, 2010. Leading for Change. CATALYST. Prayer Romans 12 What words, phrases, or images jump out at you? What do you believe are the key points/main messages of this passage of scripture?

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Leading for change

Wisconsin Annual Conference

Cabinet Catalyst Retreat

May 26-27, 2010

Leading for Change

CATALYST


Opening devotions

  • Prayer

  • Romans 12

    • What words, phrases, or images jump out at you?

    • What do you believe are the key points/main messages of this passage of scripture?

    • What instructions do you believe are of greatest value to laity and clergy leadership from this passage of scripture?

    • If you could turn just one concept from this passage into a tangible gift and give it to the leaders of our congregations, what would it be?

Opening devotions


Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeahyeahyeah, yeah yeahyeahyeah [x9]Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh........ (from the third yeah yeahyeah to the eighth)

If you could blow up the world With the flick of a switchWould you do it?(Yeah yeahyeahyeah, yeah yeahyeahyeah)

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah


Yeah yeah yeah1

If you could make everybody poor Just so you could be richWould you do it?(Yeah yeahyeahyeah, yeah yeahyeahyeah)

If you could watch everybody work While you just lay on your backWould you do it?(Yeah yeahyeahyeah, yeah yeahyeahyeah)

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah


Yeah yeah yeah2

If you could take all the love Without giving any backWould you do it?(Yeah yeahyeahyeah, yeah yeahyeahyeah)

And so we cannot know ourselvesOr what we'd really doWith all your powerWith all your powerWith all your powerWhat would you do?

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah


Yeah yeah yeah3

If you could make your own money And then give it to everybodyWould you do it?(No nonono, no nonono)

If you knew all the answers And could give to the massesWould you do it?(No nonono, no nonono)

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah


Yeah yeah yeah4

Are you crazy?It's a very dangerous thing to do Exactly what you wantBecause you cannot know yourself, Or what you'd really do

With all your powerWith all your powerWith all your powerWhat would you Do dododo, do dododo [x2]

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah


Point of view

Point of View

Abdicating

Practical

Hopeful

Antagonistic

Curious

Creative

Selfish

Fearful

Cynical

Cautious

Confused

Supportive


Do the math

  • Start from disparity

  • Process together

  • End in unity

    • Think of a number between 1 and 10

    • Double It

    • Add 10

    • Divide by 2

    • Subtract your original number

    • How many of you got the number 5?

Do the Math


Building healthy relationships

Describe the person you love the most.

Speak about a time when you experienced true joy.

What was the most meaningful gift you were ever able to give?

What pushes your buttons, gets your goat, causes you to react rather than respond?

Building Healthy Relationships


Building healthy relationships1

Building Healthy Relationships

  • What is the leader’s role in setting context and tone?

  • How would our meetings change if we began with focus on positives (e.g., Where have you experienced grace in the last week? Where have you offered grace to others?


4 domains of emotional intelligence

4 Domains of Emotional Intelligence

Self-awareness

  • Are you a boiling frog?


4 domains of emotional intelligence1

4 Domains of Emotional Intelligence

Self-management

  • How well are you living the fruits of the Spirit?


4 domains of emotional intelligence2

4 Domains of Emotional Intelligence

Do you suffer from leadership blindness?

Social Awareness


4 domains of emotional intelligence3

4 Domains of Emotional Intelligence

Relationship Management


Framing reframing not defaming

  • In the two film clips from Patch Adams :

    • What did you see?

    • What did you think?

    • What did you feel?

  • Consider what influences might be at work “off-screen.” (“Who did it to you?”)

Framing & reframing (not defaming)


Triangles de triangulation

Triangles (de-triangulation)

?

TRIANGLE LAW: Any exchange between two people is NEVER just an exchange between two people.


Parable of the rich fool

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.” But he said to him, “Friend, who set me to be a judge or arbitrator over you?” And he said to them, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” Then he told them a parable:

Parable of the rich fool


Triangles de triangulation1

Triangles (de-triangulation)

  • W.D.J.D.? (What Did Jesus Do?)

  • Identify the triangle – man comes to Jesus (to deal with other brother).

  • “Unhook” from the triangle – Jesus doesn’t allow himself to be sucked in.

  • Use/establish position (“who made me a judge…?”)

  • De-triangle –Jesus told them** (the crowd/the brothers?) make what is secret known.

  • Reframe – Jesus warns against “all kinds of greed” (core issue).

  • Defuses – offers a parable to the brothers/crowd as a way out of the triangle.


Triangles de triangulation2

Triangles (de-triangulation)

TRIANGLE LAW: We NEVER deal with just one triangle at a time.


Triangles de triangulation3

Triangles (de-triangulation)

It’s actually something more like this!


Triangle role plays

  • Going out to eat

  • “The pastor is destroying our church!”

  • The great theological divide

    • What triangles can you identify?

    • What suggestions do you have for de-triangling?

    • Where might reframing take place?

    • How might the players “de-fuse” by becoming aware of the triangles involved in their situation?

Triangle role plays


The process of becoming

  • Separation from the drama of a situation is essential to effective emotionally intelligent leadership

    • In this scene from Dead Poet’s Society :

      • What makes separation difficult? What is the challenge for leaders?

The process of becoming


Moving forward

At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward... I stand before, a road that will lead, Into the unknown. At least unknown to me. I want to go, but I'm paralyzed with fear. Fear of a choice, where the outcome isn't clear.

Moving Forward


Moving forward1

No, but still I go. And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. at least I'm moving forward...

Moving Forward


Moving forward2

I wonder if, the journey will be, Short as I hope, or much longer than it seems. But either way, I've made up my mind. I'm through feeling scared, I'm leaving that behind.

Moving Forward


Moving forward3

So, Now it's time to go. And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. at least I'm moving forward...

Moving Forward


Moving forward4

And in awhile I’ll be singing, Na, nana nana, na nana nana…

And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward.

Moving Forward


The process of becoming1

  • Separation from the drama of a situation is essential to effective emotionally intelligent leadership

    • In this scene from Dead Poet’s Society:

      • The process of finding one’s voice is painful, threatening, disconcerting, unsettling… and necessary. How can we break the power and influence of conformity to find our voice?

The process of becoming


Self differentiation

“The capacity of [an individual] to define . . . life goals and values apart from surrounding togetherness pressures, to say ‘I’ when others are demanding ‘you’ and ‘we.’ It includes the capacity to maintain a (relatively) non-anxious presence in the midst of anxious systems, to take maximum responsibility for one’s own destiny and emotional being. It can be measured somewhat by the breadth of one’s repertoire of responses when confronted with crisis. The concept should not be confused with autonomy or narcissism, however. Differentiation means the capacity to be an ‘I’ while remaining connected”

(Generation to Generation, Edwin H. Friedman [NY: The Guilford Press, 1985] 27).

Self-Differentiation


Self differentiation and you

The impact of environment, life situations, and power issues

Dealing with conflict

Entering and leaving

Blame, boasting, or personal responsibility?

Vulnerability and leadership

Self-differentiation and You


Self differentiation and jesus

  • What was it in Jesus’ character that allowed him to respond with grace to all kinds of provocation?

    • Self-awareness

    • Staying connected and true to self

    • Non-anxious presence

    • Taking responsibility for emotional being

    • Attending to the vertical and horizontal dimentions of faith in community

Self-differentiation and Jesus


Self differentiation and jesus1

  • Self-awareness

    • Mark 11:27-33

Self-differentiation and Jesus

By What Authority . . . ?


Self differentiation and jesus2

  • Staying connected and true to self

Self-differentiation and Jesus

  • John 8:3-11

  • Mark 12:13-17


Self differentiation and jesus3

  • Taking responsibility for emotional being

    • Luke 7:31-35

Self-differentiation and Jesus


Self differentiation and jesus4

  • Non-anxious presence

    • Matthew 14:22-33

Self-differentiation and Jesus


Self differentiation and jesus5

  • Attending to vertical and horizontal aspects of being

    • John 14:1-14

Self-differentiation and Jesus


Individual action learning

How does your ideal self—the self God wants you to be—differ from your real self?

Individual Action Learning


Individual action learning1

How do you want to be remembered? What will be your legacy? Write your eulogy as you hope it will someday be written about you.

Individual Action Learning


Individual action learning2

  • Review your notes. What insights have you gained, what lessons have you learned about yourself and how you hope to live in the world?

    • How does your eulogy compare with

      • Your real self

      • The ideal self God wants you to be

      • The self-differentiation of Jesus

      • Your sense of social awareness and relationship management

Individual Action Learning


Individual learning agenda

What will you do to bring attunement to your life?

What will you do within 36 hours?

How will you practice a goal in your home, church, work, family life?

Who will you ask to help you stay accountable to your plan?

How will you know you are making progress?

Individual Learning agenda


When we transcends me

  • Group Action Learning

    “People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing. A leader’s job is to help people have vision of their potential.” John Porter

    What can we create together that is impossible on our own?

    • Where are we strongest together?

    • Where are our “gaps?”

    • What shared learning offers the greatest transformative potential?

When “we” transcends “me”


When we transcends me1

  • Group Action Learning

    • Study a resource together

    • Get a teacher/coach/mentor for the cabinet

    • Schedule a follow-up to this session for fall – 90 minutes to check in & review

    • Choose a social-networking medium and set up a dedicated “learning site.”

When “we” transcends “me”


Mentoring process mentoring people

Mentoring process, mentoring people

  • The bedrock of relationships

    • Supportive communication

    • Encouragement

    • Validation

    • Prayer

    • Appreciative inquiry

    • Accountability

    • Presence


From diversity to unity building bridges

From diversity to unity: building bridges

  • Silent reflection – what significant learning or insights

  • Galatians 5:22-23 – What would fruitful congregations really look like?

  • Closing Prayer


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