Why I Write About the Tough Stuff

1. Why I Write About the Tough Stuff Beth Fehlbaum

2. Overview of The Patience* Books*Patience is a fictional town ThePatience Books, Courage in Patience and Hope in Patience, are the story of fifteen-year-old Ashley Nicole Asher, who is sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by her stepfather, from the age of nine. Courage in Patience begins Ashley's story. When she at last tells a trusted teacher what has been happening to her, Child Protective Services steps in, and Ashley is removed from her mother's home. She is then reunited with her biological father, who has not been a part of Ashley's life since infancy. Through the summer school English class taught by her stepmother, Ashley learns to face her greatest fears and, along with other teens, discovers just how strong she is. Ashley's story continues with Hope in Patience, as Ashley continues her rocky road to recovery, wonders what it would be like to have a boyfriend, and faces the ultimate betrayal. Ashley's story is about courage and the power of hope to overcome fear. This is not 'an abuse story'-- it is a survival story,as evidenced by the bravery shown by all the teenagers in Courage in Patience, who face life-changing events head-on. A huge part of Ashley's ability to begin to heal comes about by witnessing acts of profound courage, all around her. Hope in Patienceis anyone's story-- anyone who has ever overcome what they thought they never could; anyone who has ever known what it is to want to be loved and accepted as-is. View the book trailer for Hope in Patience. View me reading Chapter 13 of Hope in Patience and discussing how writing it helped me heal from my own grief, pain, and rage at having been sexually abused and betrayed.

3. The Tough Stuff is Rooted in Truth I wrote my first book, Courage in Patience, as a therapeutic assignment. •   I was inspired to write this story by my own recovery from childhood sexual abuse. In the process of working through my own grief, disbelief, and anger, I was writing poems and short stories, and sharing them with my (long-suffering) therapist. One day, he suggested that I try writing a novel. •      It took me about four months of starting and stopping, always ending up in the same place: stuck inside myself-- until one day I became so sick of the scenery that I decided to try to imagine what it would have been like if I had been able to get out of the abusive situation I was in at age 15-- instead of remaining in it much longer. What if a young girl in that situation had a father who had allowed his own shame at being a lousy dad to keep him away for her entire life, as Ashley's father, David does? AND- what if he was able to come through for her in a way he never thought he could, when she needed him the most? • In the process of knocking down the walls I had built around myself,  I found Ashley Nicole Asher, age 15, and Patience, Texas, a tiny East Texas town populated with people who can be found anywhere, dealing with the same problems that all people must face, whether they want to admit it or not.

4. Basic Themes in Hope in Patience How my own life relates to the themes in Hope *I was sexually abused from age 8 to 14, when I told my mother that my stepfather had been molesting me. He had always threatened to leave her if I told, and that I would have to tell her why he left. She did not act on my outcry. He did not leave. *I was a quirky, awkward kid, probably because of the guilt and shame I felt about my body and what was happening every night when my stepdad sneaked into my room. I was bullied and teased at school. I used the memory of being in that position and my experience as a teacher and seeing how children ostracize each other to create the situations in the book. * I contemplated suicide many times throughout my teen years and during the darkest days of recovery. See me reading a letter to my teen self in this video. * I would often scratch my scalp and drag my nails up my inner arms when I was angry. I also pulled my own hair . I did not, however, scratch myself as much or as often as Ashley does. I developed a binge-eating/bulimia disorder in my teens, and continued practicing it until I went into recovery at age 38. I still struggle with it, much as any person with a serious disorder does. Self-mutilation and eating disorders are very common in victims of sexual abuse. * The first year I taught, I had a student named Krystle. She made such an impression on me that I never forgot her. We reconnected when she was 24, and it was through talking to her about her experiences as a gay teen in a small town that the character of Krystle “K.C.” Williamson was born. ·    Sexual abuse is devastating to the victim and has long-term effects. ·         Intolerance of others’ differences causes people to be isolated.  ·         It is difficult but not impossible to overcome early trauma in our lives.  Suicide and suicide ideation are ways that people in pain sometimes use to try to cope, but there are positive alternatives.  ·         It is common for victims of sexual abuse to practice self-harm, but there are positive choices for coping. ·         Gay and lesbian issues often have generational reactions.

5. Responses to the Patience Books Hope in Patience: "The author is to be applauded for her courageous and accurate portrayal of the many small steps that lead toward psychological healing. It is Ashley's friendships with other 'misfits' that help Ashley understand that she, too, deserves love. This book will open hearts and might well save lives.“ - School Library Journal “...Ashley will have readers rooting for her.“ -- Publisher's Weekly Hope in Patience is a 2011 YALSA Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers . Courage in Patience: "..Ashley's self-destructive tendencies, conflicted feelings and struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder read authentically.." --Publisher’s Weekly “This hard-hitting but readable story about an infinitely troubling subject will resonate with all readers but especially with other survivors of abuse or with those who work with those survivors. “ --Booklist

6. Teen Review of Courage in Patience “Courage in Patience was an emotional, heart-warming book that is unforgettable and hard to put down. I haven't read a book like this in a long time. It makes you realize that life comes in many forms and how it begins or ends all depends on you as a person. Even though I have never endured the pain that Ashley did, I could feel inside of me what she felt when her mother turned her back on Ashley and how her heart shattered into little pieces. It was just so detailed, it felt like my heart was shattering into little pieces as well. When she moves to live with her biological dad, it felt as though my heart was healing along with Ashley's. I think this book will really touch the hearts of every reader and give them the sense of let-down and then the sense of somebody pulling you back on your feet and giving you the chance to live a life of hope and courage. I would recommend this book to anyone who has a heart, which includes everyone.” Reviewer Age:15 Reviewer City, State and Country: Gearhart, Or U.S.A.

7. Teen Review of Hope in Patience “..I thought that 'Hope in Patience' was a great story about a girls struggle with sexual abuse. Once I started reading, I couldn't put the book down. I was so anxious to see whether Ashley would make it through all the craziness of what was happening in her life, or if she would end up giving up. I loved that Beth Fehlbaum was also a victim of abuse, because she could write from what she knew, and you as a reader, would know that what Ashley was feeling in the book were what real people who've went through this actually felt. I loved the way it let you see into her mind; the whole story was really tremendous. I would definitely recommend this book to any young adult reader, or victim of sexual abuse. This book has some material that may be considered inappropriate for young readers. “ Reviewer Age:13 Reviewer City, State and Country: Enon, Ohio, United States

8. How I (Would Like to) See My Books Being Used in Schools For teachers, as a catalyst for discussion Chapter 5 ·         What landmark events did some of Coach Griffin’s students miss out on by not studying the 1960s?  What does his lack of respect for these events say about his character? ·         How does your perception of K.C.’s personality change from the start of Chapter 5 to the end?  What events cause your perception to change? ·         Have you ever known a person like Roxanne, who avoids other people because they have been cruel to her?  What do you do to make a difference in that person’s life? ·         Contrast Coach Griffin’s approach to the study of World War II with Bev Asher’s approach to the same events through study of Farewell to Manzanar. ·         Why did Ashley mention weapons of mass destruction that were never found in Iraq? ·         Do you know anyone like Marcus Merriweather? How do you handle intolerant people? Chapter 2 ·         What decisions have you made that have angered your parents? ·         “Culture defines what a marriage is or is not, and it’s no longer limited to a man and a woman.”  What would people in your community think of a statement such as this? ·         Why is it so difficult for Ashley to follow through on Ms. Manos’ assignments? ·         Ashley was told that she was not good at math, and she believed it.  When in your life has someone told you that you were not good at something? Did you believe it?  Why or why not? ·         Ashley is too shy and eaten up with shame to ask for help.  What would you say to a friend in that situation? ·         How are PTSD flashbacks different from literary flashbacks?

9. How I (Would Like to) See My Books Being Used in Schools For sexual abuse victims, as a way of letting them know they are not alone. Consequences of child sexual abuse range "from chronic depression to low self-esteem to sexual dysfunction to multiple personalities. A fifth of all victims develop serious long-term psychological problems, according to the American Medical Association. These may include dissociative responses and other signs of post-traumatic-stress syndrome [sic], chronic states of arousal, nightmares, flashbacks, venereal disease and anxiety over sex or exposure of the body during medical exams" ("Child Sexual Abuse . . .," 1993). • Although child sexual abuse is reported almost 90,000 times a year, the numbers of unreported abuse is far greater because the children are afraid to tell anyone what has happened, and the legal procedure for validating an episode is difficult (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2004). • It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will have experienced an episode of sexual abuse while younger than 18 years.  The numbers of boys affected may be falsely low because of reporting techniques (Botash, Ann, MD, Pediatric Annual, May, 1997). • Sixty-seven percent of all victims of sexual assault reported to law enforcement agencies were juveniles (under the age of 18); 34% of all victims were under age 12. One of every seven victims of sexual assault reported to law enforcement agencies were under 6. Forty percent of the offenders who victimized children under age 6 were juveniles (under the age of 18). (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2000). • Most children are abused by someone they know and trust, although boys are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family. A study in three states found 96% of reported rape survivors under age 12 knew the attacker. Four percent of the offenders were strangers, 20 percent were fathers, 16 percent were relatives and 50% were acquaintances or friends (Advocates for Youth, 1995).

10. How I (Would Like to) See My Books Being Used in Schools For teens struggling with their sexuality, as a way of letting them know that they are not alone. VERBAL & PHYSICAL ASSAULTS Teenage students (gay AND straight) say the worst harassment in school is being called ‘gay’. In a national survey, youth (gay AND straight) described being called “lesbian” or “gay” as the most deeply upsetting form of sexual harassment they experienced. (14) Gay students hear anti-gay slurs as often as 26 times each day; faculty intervention occurs in only about 3% of those cases. In Seattle, 34% of students who described themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual reported being the target of anti-gay harassment or violence at school or on the way to or from school, compared to 6% of heterosexual students.  LACK OF SUPPORT Teachers may wish to stop harassment and anti-gay comments, but few have had any specific training which would teach them to intervene effectively and many fear reprisals without the explicit support and backing of their administration. In Michigan, 28% of school personnel surveyed determined their school environment to be emotionally unsafe for gay and lesbian youth. SUICIDE & DEPRESSION Suicide is the leading cause of death among gay and lesbian youth. Gay and lesbian youth are 2 to 6 times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth. Over 30% of all reported teen suicides each year are committed by gay and lesbian youth.  REJECTION 50% of all gay and lesbian youth report that their parents reject them due to their sexual orientation. 26% of gay and lesbian youth are forced to leave home because of conflicts over their sexual orientation. In a study of 194 gay and lesbian youth, 25% were verbally abused by parents, and nearly 10% dealt with threatened or actual violence. SOURCE FOR INFO ON THIS PAGE: http://www.pflagphoenix.org/education/youth_stats.html

11. School & Library Visits Host schools/libraries may choose from the following, and/or I can create a program to fit their needs: Reading from one of the Patience books and taking questions from the audience; Conducting a writing workshop with middle- or high school students; Discussing: • thematic elements in my books • what it is like to write realistic fiction, drawing on personal experiences • the importance of "showing, not telling" in writing • the revising and editing process; the importance of writing more than one draft (especially geared to reluctant middle school & high school students) • why honesty in writing is so important • tackling the "tough stuff" in literature: why do it?

12. Contact Information beth@bethfehlbaum.com http://www.bethfehlbaumya.com