Personal Statement / Autobiography

1. Personal Statement / Autobiography 12th Grade Comp, Ms. Greene

2. Autobiographical Incident For your personal statement / autobiography, you are basically going to be writing about a specific incident.

3. An autobiographical incident is. . . • A personal story told by the person it happened to • You are writing about yourself, your own life, and experiences. • This type of writing takes place over a limited amount of time.

4. Focus on a limited period • If you are writing about a baseball game that had particular significance in your life, you only need to focus on the critical part of the game. • If your great realization, humiliation, or triumph came third inning, you don’t need to give a detailed account of the whole game. • Concentrate on the important period.

5. Begin the piece well • Why should people want to read about your life? • If your opening sentence is strong enough, your reader will want to know more. • Look at the way other authors begin their stories to learn how to capture a reader’s interest right from the start.

6. SAMPLES from VHS Students • Hollywood is not a good place to meet women. • Never let your dog off the leash. • Never wear loose pants when you’re running from the cops. • I was ten feet away from a lion with nothing to protect me.

7. MORE from VHS • I never would have guessed that I would get lucky on Skid Row. • My dreams consist of counting rattling shopping carts. • Never get your car towed in 120 degree heat. • The cops had my face to the cold dirt as they returned their guns to their holsters. • Keep your smart talk to yourself when you’re pulled over by the police. • When you see a big fire, running away like you were the one who started it is probably what not to do. • I find it strange how people find walking away from getting hit by a car miraculous. • Mexicans find Salvidorans hot-headed and Salvidorans think Mexicans are dirty. Does that mean I’m a dirty hot head?

8. Rich Sensory Details • To be successful, autobiographical incident demands a well-told story and rich sensory details. • Try to use words that convey information to the senses • Describe how a thing looks, feels, sounds, smells, tastes. • Use of these words helps to engage the reader.

9. SAMPLES The shadows crisscrossed the rug while my cat stretched languidly in one of the patches of sun. Gio's socks, still soaked with sweat from Tuesday's P.E. class, filled the classroom with an aroma akin to that of salty, week-old, rotting fish Tumbling through the ocean water after being overtaken by the monstrous wave, Mark unintentionally took a gulp of the briny, bitter mass, causing him to cough and gag Overlaying all this, a soundtrack: choo-k-choo-k-choo-k-choo-k-choo-k--the metronomic rhythm of an Amtrak train rolling down the line to California, a sound that called to mind an old camera reel moving frames of images along a linear track, telling a story. The bed linens might just as well be ice and the clothes snow.

10. Self-disclosure • A final characteristic of an auto- biographical incident is self-disclosure. • You must reveal something that you felt or learned as a result of the incident. • You may find it difficult to put your feelings into words. • Don’t be discouraged – keep trying! • Not only will your own writing improve, but also you may find yourself understanding your feelings better.

11. YOUR ASSIGNMENT • You have been given the prompts from the Common Applications and from the UC application. By now, you should have written out a “brainstorm” in response to at least one of the prompts. Many of you have also met with an 826LA tutor to help you select your topic. If you did not meet with a tutor and need help, please schedule an appointment to meet with me during lunch or nutrition.

12. FIRST DRAFT • Your first draft is due on October 11th. Complete the draft, and either complete a self-evaluation, or find a peer to read it. Staple the evaluation to your draft. You will have a chance to meet with an 826LA tutor, or go over the draft with me.

13. SUGGESTIONS FOR WRITING • Consult the checklist on the instruction page. • Include words from the action words sheet you completed.

14. Action Verbs • Achieved conducted executed marketed reengineered • Acquainted consulted expanded mediated reorganized • Adapted contacted explained moderated represented • Advanced contributed financed motivated researched • Aided coordinated focused negotiated restructured • Allocated counseled formalized operated reviewed • Analyzed created formed orchestrated routed • Appraised cut founded organized saved • Arranged decreased gathered originated scheduled • Assembled demonstrated governed oversaw selected • Assessed designed hired patented sold • Assisted determined identified persuaded spearheaded • Attained developed implemented pioneered sponsored • Attended devised improved planned staged • Awarded directed increased prepared started • Built discovered initiated presided supervised • Chose disseminated inspired processed supported • Coached distributed instituted produced surveyed • Collaborated documented interpreted promoted taught • Collected edited introduced publicized tested • Compiled elected invented published trained • Composed enlisted lead recorded trimmed • Conceived evaluated maintained recruited updated • Conceptualized exceeded managed reduced wrote

15. DRAFTING • For each draft YOU MUST MAKE CHANGES! • The whole point of writing drafts is to edit them so that you can make improvements! THIS ONE SUCKS! THIS ONE IS THIS ONE IS BETTER! GOOD!

16. MORE DUE DATES • Your second draft is due on October 18th. Again, complete the draft – which should be an improvement on the previous draft – and complete a self-evaluation or have a peer complete an evaluation. . Staple the evaluation to your draft. You will have another chance to meet with an 826LA tutor, or go over the draft with me. • The final typed draft is due on 25th. You will also have a chance to meet with a tutor to make any last minute changes.

17. CHECKLIST • Your final grade will be based on the criteria below. Fill out the checklist, put your assignments in order, and staple this checklist and all the assignments together. • PERSONAL STATEMENT CHECKLIST FOR FINAL GRADE. • 9/27 Brainstorm with STAMP • 10/11 1ST Draft with completed Peer/Self Evaluation attached (stamped) • 10/18 2nd Draft with completed Peer/Self Evaluation attached – MUST INCLUDE CHANGES (stamped) • 10/25 Final Draft – MUST INCLUDE CHANGES (stamped)