Working with Grieving Students The School Counselor’s Role

1. Working with Grieving StudentsThe School Counselor’s Role Kate Casey SERP 506

2. Outline • Definition of terms • Children and the grieving process • Developmental Considerations • Factors affecting the grieving process • The School Counselor’s Role • Intervention Strategies • Ethical Concerns

3. Definitions of common terms • Grief • “Deep and poignant distress caused by (or as if by) the loss of a loved one by death” • Bereavement • “The loss of a loved one by death” • Mourning • “The ritual expression of grief” • Examples: Wearing black, funeral/memorial service • Anticipatory Grief • “Grief that occurs prior to a loss” • Example: During last stages of prolonged illness (TuNidito, 2010, p.10)

4. Grief is… • A natural, appropriate emotional response to losing the things we care about • Unique to each individual • Experienced by everyone at some point in life

5. Four Key Facts about Grief • The way out of grief is through it. • The very worst kind of grief is yours. • Grief is hard work. • Effective grief work is not done alone. (TuNidito, 2010, p. 10)

6. Children and the grieving process • “Children do not often develop the skills and resources with which to grieve” (Goldberg and Leyden, 1998)

7. What affects a child’s grief? • Age of both the child and the person who died • The child’s support system • The emotional and mental health of the child • The nature of the death • Anticipated, unanticipated, violent, or natural causes • Complications from a violent death

8. Common signs of grief • Physical Reactions • Changes in appetite • Changes in energy • Increased physical ailments • Colds, headaches, stomachaches • Mental Reactions • Difficulty concentrating • Difficulty making decisions • Anxiety

9. Common signs of grief continued • Spiritual Reactions • Extreme pessimism or optimism • Needing to receive or give forgiveness • Questioning God and the right to be alive • Behavioral/Social Reactions • Regression to earlier sages of development • whining, tantrums, thumb-sucking • Passive or aggressive behaviors • Rebellion or “Perfect” child

10. Common signs of grief continued • Emotional Reactions • Numbness • Sadness • Anger • Withdrawal • Fears/Worries • Hopelessness • Self-blaming • Yearning • Crying uncontrollably or not at all

11. Developmental Considerations • Children of all ages, even infants, experience some form of grief • Prior to approximately age five or six, children do not have a clear understanding of death and they may think of it as temporary and reversible • Example: The dead person is broken and can be fixed or are asleep and can be awoken.

12. Approximately ages 6-9 • A clearer understanding of death is developing • Not reversible, only happens to some people and not others • Interest in the physical and biological aspects of death • Ghosts and the afterlife • “Magical Thinking” • Belief that thoughts and wishes can make things happen, even accidents and death

13. Approximately ages 9-12 • By age 9 most children’s concept of death is similar to an adult’s • Awareness of the possibility of personal death but most still think of themselves as invincible • Objective curiosity about the body • “Is the body stiff and cold?” • Increased interest in what happens after death

14. Approximately age 12 and up • Death is viewed abstractly and subjectively • Egocentrism, tend to think of self as immortal and invincible • “I am the only one who understands what death means” • Increased influence from the media’s portrayal of death • Romanticized, seen as an enduring gesture • Philosophical questions • “What is the meaning of life?”

15. Bridge to Terabithia movie clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgGikm8JwNU

16. How grief affects school performance • School not a priority • Incomplete or late assignments • Difficulty following directions • Poor quality work • Difficulty getting along with peers • Discipline and boundary issues • Some students may have academic difficulty for months or years following the death

17. “Perfect” Student • Some students may continue to do well in school • May keep themselves busy with school and sports in order to block out painful feelings • May feel a need to excel to honor the dead person • May feel they are being watched by the person • Because of their lack of “problem” behaviors, these students often go unnoticed and may suffer from long-term physical and emotional issues due to unresolved grief

18. How educators can help • Maintain school routines • Have realistic academic expectations • Respect the child’s need to grieve and be patient • Don’t tell them to “get over it” • Know the effects of grief for developmental stages • Create an emotionally safe classroom • Refer to the school counselor!

19. The School Counselor’s Role • Can educate and support the student through the grieving process • May provide a caring adult figure when parental support may be diminished or absent • Provide a safe and inviting environment to express feelings • Provide intervention for behaviors that are detrimental to school performance

20. Intervention Strategies • Journal writing • Story telling • Art and play therapy • Individual counseling • Group counseling

21. Example of a group intervention • Seven sessions • Getting acquainted • Telling your story • Telling your relationship with the deceased • Questions about funerals • Feelings • Changes in your family from the death • Saying goodbye to the deceased and the group members

22. Activities for groups • Bringing in pictures and mementos to share • Maintain a “question box” • Feelings check-in • Write a letter to the deceased • Favorite memories

23. Activities for groups continued • Reflection on changes in self as a result of the death • Discussion of what the future looks like without the deceased • Reading books about death and loss • Honoring birthdays and death anniversaries

24. Ethical and Legal Concerns • Obtaining parental permission for group or individual therapy • May pose a challenge due to the parent’s own grieving process or the desire to “shield” the child from painful emotions • Confidentiality • Within the group setting • Some situations (example: violent death) are potential topics of gossip among children • Duty to report if a child’s behavior indicates they are a danger to themselves or others

25. Ethical and legal concerns continued • Referrals • May be required • Depending on duration and intensity of behaviors • If the behaviors interferes with anybody’s safety • If the behavior seriously interrupts the child’s development • To address the grieving needs of the whole family

26. References Charkow, W. B. (1998). Inviting children to grieve. Professional School Counseling, 2(2), 117. Retrieved from EBSCOhost. Children’s Grief Education Association. (2011). How Grief Affects Thinking and Learning. Retrieved from http://www.childgrief.org/newsletter.htm Goldberg, F. R., & Leyden, H. D. (1998). Left and left out: Teaching children to grieve through a rehabilitation curriculum. Professional School Counseling, 2(2), 123. Retrieved from EBSCOhost. McGlauflin, H. (1998). Helping children grieve at school. Professional School Counseling, 1(5), 46. Retrieved from EBSCOhost TuNidito. (2010). Volunteer Training Manual. 10-19