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Habit 4: Think Win-Win. Fighting against Competition, Comparisons, & Peer Pressure. Two friends were being chased by a bear, when one turned to the other & said, “I just realized that I don’t need to outrun the bear; I only need to outrun you…”.

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Habit 4: Think Win-Win

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Habit 4 think win win l.jpg

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Fighting against Competition, Comparisons, & Peer Pressure

Slide2 l.jpg

Two friends were being chased by a bear, when one turned to the other & said, “I just realized that I don’t need to outrun the bear; I only need to outrun you…”

  • Win-Lose will always pit you against others which will fill your heart w/negative feelings

  • Whereas, Win-Win is an attitude that says I can win, and so can you

  • You may think life is a cut-throat competitive world, but this is true of institutions (business, school, sports) that we ourselves have made this way that we have control to change

  • For relationships, esp, win-lose is harmful

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Win-Lose: The Totem Pole

  • “I don’t care how good I am as long I’m a notch higher than you”

  • Exs:

  • Using other people for your own selfish purposes

  • Trying to get ahead at the expense of another

  • Spreading rumors about others

  • Always insisting on getting your way

  • Becoming jealous & envious when something good happens to others

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Lose-Win: The Doormat Ex Pg. 150

  • “I for one am a big peacemaker. I would much rather take the blame for just about anything than get into an argument. I constantly find myself saying that I am dumb…”

  • Lose-win may sound like you’re trying to be nice, but what you really are doing is letting others walk all over you

  • Giving in to peer pressure is part of this

  • Sometimes it is ok to let something drop, but only if something is not that important to you

  • Let others win the little issues, and it will be a deposit into your RBA, but be sure to take a stand on those things that are important to you.

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Lose-Lose: The Downward Spiral

  • “If I’m going down, then you’re going down w/me”

  • Usually happens when 2 Win-Lose People get together

  • Can also occur when someone becomes obsessed with another person. Ex = boyfriend-girlfriend relationships that sour and become possessive & jealous

  • Pgs. 124-127

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  • The belief that everyone can win

  • This is both nice and tough because you stand for what you believe in and respect others’ beliefs as well

  • Ex: pg. 152

  • Exs:

  • Share praise & recognition w/those who helped you

  • You treat everyone the same when achieving a position of power

  • Feel happy when someone succeeds, even when you don’t

  • Compromise w/a friend over conflicting plans

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Complete Pgs. 127-128

  • Win the Private Victory First = in order to think win-win, you needed to have mastered habits 1-3, because if you’re insecure, it’s much more difficult to think win-win and be genuinely happy for others

  • Pg. 130

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When you compete against yourself and your own challenges, competition can be a great influence that drives us beyond our expectations

But when you compete against others, competition becomes dark and you lose track of what actually matters


This is nothing but bad news because we’re all on different development timetables

Ex Pg. 156

Avoid The Tumor Twins

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The Fruits of the Win-Win Spirit

  • Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to find a Win-Win solution.

  • This happens when the other person refuses to budge from their Win-Lose attitude

  • If so, go for Win-Win or No Deal: if no compromise can be made, don’t deal w/them at the time

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