Personal memoir
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Personal Memoir. Feedback. Need more imagery. Telling vs. Showing: Students tend to tell the reader that their “subject” is important or that there is a lesson learned, but they do not show the reader that. . Telling vs. Showing. Example # 1:

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Personal Memoir

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Personal memoir

Personal Memoir

Feedback


Need more imagery

Need more imagery

  • Telling vs. Showing:

    • Students tend to tell the reader that their “subject” is important or that there is a lesson learned, but they do not show the reader that.


Telling vs showing

Telling vs. Showing

Example # 1:

  • “Friendship is important. I realized that we must hold onto the memories that we have of each other because we never know when we will have to say good bye. This was a valuable lesson that I learned and one that I will never forget.”


Telling vs showing1

Telling vs. Showing

Example # 2:

  • “I see my reflection on the car window with Claire’s face on the other side. Though the frigid air bit at my ears, I could still feel the warmth of her eyes. But as the minivan leaves the driveway, I know that I am not going to see Claire for a very long time. I look down at the raggedy doll she gave me, one black button left for an eye – the other, lost somewhere in the sandbox at the playground, hoping one day a new pair of strawberry blond girls will find it and begin the best years of their lives.”


Telling vs showing2

Telling vs. Showing

  • Which example told the reader about the subject of friendship? Which example showed the reader about the subject of friendship? Explain.


Other feedback

Other Feedback

  • Avoid “Jumping the Timeline” - Must focus on one moment in time

  • Needed a Conflict and Crisis (Lesson Learned)

  • Avoid Cliché’s

  • Needed to focus on community


Grammar mini lessons

Grammar Mini-Lessons

  • Spell out numbers 1 – 20

  • Object vs. Subject Form (Pronouns)

  • Inconsistent Verb Tense

  • PUNCTUATION!!!


Me vs i

“Me” vs. “I”

  • Me, Tom, and Daniel had to find a way to get there.

    • Tom, Daniel, and I had to find a way to get there


Who vs whom

“Who” vs. “Whom”

  • Can someone please tell me to ______ this sweater belongs?

    • whom

  • I am very thankful for my mom, _____ is very generous.

    • who


Inconsistent verb tense

Inconsistent Verb Tense

  • “It was the best day ever. The park was practically empty, and there were no lines. We climb up the stairs to the first roller coaster.”

    • “We climbed up the stairs to the first roller coaster.”


Punctuation

PUNCTUATION!!!

  • “This was only the beginning and there were too many things to see the exhibit only lasted one hour. Once we got there we started with the modern art.”

    • “This was only the beginning, and there were too many things to see. The exhibit only lasted one hour. Once we got there,we started with the modern art.”


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