Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking

1. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking • Dialogue: • Persuade • Negotiate • Learn • Effective Dialogue is an ethical relationship • Reflects an ethical attitude toward others and a commitment to shared solutions. • “Right” opinions but how we engage in such issues. • Fruitless Debate • Take All the Room You Can • Separate and Polarize • Exploit all Weaknesses or Openings • Go for the Quick Kill 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking

2. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking What’s Wrong with That? Think Constructively 1. Ineffective at Persuasion More Domination and Silence 2. Don’t Expand or Develop Ideas No Avenue to Improve the Idea Prevents Effective Brainstorming Debate is Not Ethical to Values, Arguments or Concepts: Listening Open-mindedness Cooperation Careful Responsible Respect Honor Fairness Common Ground 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 2

3. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking • How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue • Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood • Applying Shared values • Rules for Constructive Talking • Slow Down and Listen- • a. Speak calmly and listen a lot • b. Avoid the automatic comeback. No,…yeah buts • c. Take a deep breath • d. Start with, “Let me see if I understand you…” • e. Ask questions and mean them • f. Restate the other person’s view and ask of the same for you 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 3

4. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking • How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue • Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood • Applying Shared values • Rules for Constructive Talking • 2. Connect • a. Seek common ground • b. Recognize complexity • c. Don’t polarize: Avoid simply yes and no • d. Keep the “main thing the main thing”, stay focus on the issue • e. Help clarify and develop their thoughts • f. Avoid distractions • g. Identify key points of agreements not differences • h. Integrate values 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 4

5. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking • How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue • Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood • Applying Shared values • Rules for Constructive Talking • 3. Welcome Openings and Opportunities • a. Look for first steps and partial measures • b. Think constructively • c. Make suggestions • d. Always be for something not just against something 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 5

6. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking • How to Have a Useful Discussion/Dialogue • Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood • Applying Shared values • Rules for Constructive Talking • 4. Stay Engaged • a. Think of discussion as a collaboration in search of better understanding and creative ideas. • b. Speak in a careful, open-ended, and helpful way. • c. Avoid slogans and sound bites • d. Treat facts as tools • e. Keep exploring • f. Expect the key question to remain open • g. Keep learning 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 6

7. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking • Common Ground Dialogue • The Sprit of Common Ground is the Spirit of Dialogue • Spirit of dialogue is to acknowledge and honor the humanity of all person present regardless of their points of view. • Understanding compare to being “right” 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 7

8. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking • Common Ground Dialogue • 2. The Common Ground Approach is a Search for What is Genuinely Shared • A common ground process recognizes the integrity of each circle as a complete set of concerns, beliefs, and values around the issue. • Common ground focuses on the “area of intersection” Platform • Perspectives on these differences has changed 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 8

9. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking Common Ground Dialogue 3. A Common Ground Is not Comprise Not about reaching a middle position but focusing on areas of genuinely shared values and concerns. People are not asked to change their views. Participants see to understand one another, not to force or pretend agreement where agreement it does not exist. 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 9

10. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking Common Ground Dialogue 4. A Common Ground Approach Encourages Looking Beyond the Labels and the Stereotypes A common ground approach assumes that even in a polarized conflict, people’s view fall on a continuum. Pro-life ___________________________________________ Pro-choice 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 10

11. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking Common Ground Dialogue 5. A Common Ground Approach Encourages Connective Thinking Dialogue encourages connective thinking that focuses attention on the strengths of the speaker and encourages a search for the gems of wisdom, or pieces of truth. 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 11

12. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking Common Ground Dialogue 6. A Common Ground Dialogue Encourages the Sharing of Personal Experience Personal experiences cannot be argued about nor agree or disagree with. They are. Sharing life stories invites understanding. They are a constructive place to begin. 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 12

13. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking Common Ground Dialogue 7. A Common Ground Dialogue Encourages Genuine Questions Genuine questions are in the spirit of real curiosity and a sincere interest. Rhetorical or leading questions are not genuine questions. 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 13

14. Chapter 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking Common Ground Dialogue 8. The Search for Common Ground Acknowledges Our Shared Membership in This Society It acknowledges that “all of us against the problems we face” rather than “part of us against the rest of us” We are all in this together, community, faith and citizenship. 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking 14

15. Exercises and Notes: Reworking Dysfunctional Dialogues Page 234 14 Dialogue: Learning by Talking