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Bringing People Together Challenges and Opportunities. Conflict Resolution Saskatchewan Inc. & The ADR Institute of Saskatchewan. Agenda. Introductions Guidelines Opening Address –Intense emotions, anger, rage and the Brain Transformative learning : The cooperative learning process

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bringing people together challenges and opportunities

Bringing People TogetherChallenges and Opportunities

Conflict Resolution Saskatchewan Inc.

&

The ADR Institute of Saskatchewan

[email protected]

agenda
Agenda
  • Introductions
  • Guidelines
  • Opening Address –Intense emotions, anger, rage and the Brain
  • Transformative learning :
    • The cooperative learning process
      • Introduce self
      • best skill in work with group
      • What I could use your help with
    • “We learn what we teach.”

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reptilian brain
REPTILIAN BRAIN

Instinctual survival

  • Fight,Flight, Freeze
  • Aggression
  • Anger
  • Fear
  • Revenge

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slide7

Fever is your body’s effort to send

white blood cells to illness; hot enough to drive out germs, bacteria.

Low fever & high fever need different response.

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under anger
Under Anger

Hurt

Grieving

Frustrated

Humiliated

Scared

Rejected

Embarrassed

Trapped- no options

HALT-

Hungry

Angry already

Lonely

Tired

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manage your anger be a starr

Stop and breathe 3 deep breathes

Reward to feel good afterward

Think of 10 ideas for what to do

Reflect on what worked

Act on the safest choice

Manage your anger- Be a STARR

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slide11

Auditory

Visual

Kinesthetic internal

Kinesthetic external

Learning Styles

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tell me and i will forget show me and i may remember involve me and i will understand

Tell me, and I will forget. Show me, and I may remember. Involve me, and I will understand.

Confucius, 450 B.C.

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slide15

How many squares?

  • Work alone and fast, this is a competition.
  • Write your answer on a paper and raise your hand.
  • The first 3 are winners.

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slide16

How many squares?

Take as long as you need to get the answer. Work individually.

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slide17

How many squares?

Work together to find an answer, Help each other understand.

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slide18

BASE GROUPS

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slide19

EXPERT GROUPS

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unpacking root causes 9 10 15
Unpacking Root Causes 9-10:15

Working groups: 9- 9:15

  • 1.High and Low context cultures and communication
  • 2.Life skills- Anger and emotional intelligence
  • 3.Trauma, Abuse and violence contributors
  • 4.Mental illness & immediate situational contributors

Base groups: 9:15- 9: 45

  • Working group (1,2,3,4) reports (5 minutes each)
  • How does understanding possible root causes inform our work?
  • In their shoes- if you experienced some of the root causes described, how would you wish to be treated?
  • Questions for the big group

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how can i respond in relating with a volatile person staying safe and helping another
How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping another?
  • Swimming metaphor
  • Pre mediation work
    • Co- mediator- don’t go alone
    • Anger, rage, volatility
      • Past patterns
      • Current stressors
    • Support

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how can i respond in relating with a volatile person staying safe and helping another 11 11 45
How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping another? 11-11:45
  • Working groups: 11-11:15
        • Respect
        • Resilience
        • Diversity –reflecting our community
        • Environment – Space, exits, timing
  • Base groups: 11:15- 11:45
  • Reports of working groups
  • Brainstorm ideas that will help prevent volatile eruptions in the environments of your work
  • Questions and insights to Big group

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a man had 17 camels
A man had 17 camels

He left his 17 camels to his three sons on his death.

The oldest son would get 1/2 the camels.

The middle son would get 1/3 of the camels.

The youngest son would get 1/9 of the camels.

The sons were confused. Then a wise

Woman came along on her camel

And resolved the problem.

How many camels did each son get?

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slide30
LEO
  • Listen:
    • Body language (face them, open body stance)
    • Tone and volume, Do your eyes show interest? (or are you busy taking notes?)
        • Ask open ended questions
        • Encourage talking (that must have been difficult, thank you for telling me)
        • Give them room
        • Suspend Judgment, Avoid moving to premature solutions
  • Empathize:
    • Confirms you understand their point of view
    • Lets them know you heard their story
        • Demonstrates comfort and competence
        • Lays groundwork for problem solving
        • Helps build common ground
        • “So you feel___________ because it seems to you____________ ?”
        • Restate feelings, their view and check to make sure you got it right?
        • Model desired emotional state (breathe, be calm, attentive)
  • Options:
    • Get their attention- confirm understanding- move to desired outcome
        • Offer Options-“I can think of some options, want to hear them?
        • Co-create options, neutral language
        • Plot a course- next steps (KIS)

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slide31
NVC

1. OBSERVE: The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being

2. FEELINGS: How we feel in relation to what we are observing

3.NEEDS: The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our feelings

4.REQUEST: The concrete action we request in order to enrich our lives

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slide32
NLP
  • Visual
  • Auditory
  • Kinesthetic internal
  • Kinesthetic external
    • “ I can see that you feel frustrated and angry; that no one seems to be listening to you. Come and lets you and I see if we can sort this out.”

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conflict management and transformation
Conflict Management and Transformation
  • It is time:
    • To honour our values of respect, compassion and treating others as we would wish to be treated.
    • To expand our life skills as we live cooperatively in increasingly diverse communities
    • To embrace conflict as an opportunity for learning and growth
  • Transformation is possible-”Our peaceful world is not a place without conflict. Rather it is a place where we resolve our conflicts with respect, compassion, and a shared goal of understanding. Let us honour each other in the process.”

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key skills for working with conflict respecting the people and understanding the problem
Key skills for working with conflict: Respecting the people and understanding the problem
  • Separating the people and the problem
  • Focus on interests not positions
  • Common Interests
  • Creating Options- why brainstorming works
  • Emotional and social intelligence skills
  • Heart felt Compassion
  • “People do the best they can with what they know. When they know better, they do better.” Maya Angelo

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slide36

If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease.

Sent-ts’an, c - 700 CE

Zen master

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skill development
Skill Development
  • Base groups practice LEO method & NVC
    • Create an example
    • Practice responding-both methods
    • Request feedback
      • What you did well
  • Debrief methods as a group
    • Make it your own- prepare a script
  • After Anger and volatility – now what?

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putting it all together
Putting it all together
  • In your group with colleagues:
    • Introduce yourselves
    • What I do well….
  • discuss :
    • Challenges unique to your circumstances
    • Prevention
    • Environment
    • Processes most effective with your community

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putting it all together self care
Putting it all together - self care
  • Individuals and community care
  • Left overs
  • Evaluation

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escalation of conflict
Escalation of Conflict

Destructive Violence

Power Struggle

Overt Conflict

Latent Tensions

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why conflict escalates
Why Conflict Escalates

Destructive Violence

Power Struggle

Overt Conflict

Frustrated needs

Poor skills

Weak relationships

Latent Tensions

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why conflict escalates1
Why Conflict Escalates

Destructive Violence

Power Struggle

Conflicting interests

Disputed rights

Unequal power

Injured relationships

Overt Conflict

Latent Tensions

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why conflict escalates2
Why Conflict Escalates

Destructive Violence

No attention

No limitation

No protection

Power Struggle

Overt Conflict

Latent Tensions

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catching conflict before it escalates
Catching Conflict Before it Escalates

Destructive Violence

Contain

Power

Struggle

Overt Conflict

Latent Tensions

Resolve

Prevent

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prevent
Prevent

Sources of Tension

Frustrated needs

Poor skills

Weak relationships

Ways to Prevent

The Provider

The Teacher

The Bridge-Builder

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resolve
Resolve

Sources of Conflict

Conflicting interests

Disputed rights

Unequal power

Injured relationships

Ways to Resolve

The Mediator

The Arbiter

The Equalizer

The Healer

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contain
Contain

Sources of Struggle

No attention

No limitation

No protection

Ways to Contain

The Witness

The Referee

The Peacekeeper

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