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Choosing your Response The Four Behaviours

Choosing your Response The Four Behaviours. The Situation.

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Choosing your Response The Four Behaviours

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  1. Choosing your ResponseThe Four Behaviours

  2. The Situation One of your classmates throws a paper aeroplane across the classroom that hits your head (as it was meant to…). It falls onto the desk and you pick it up and start fiddling with it. The teacher sees you fiddling with the aeroplane in your hand; asks you to stay behind after class (as you have been in trouble for being disruptive in the past) and you get a detention.

  3. Passive Response • You accept it and do nothing

  4. Why do we sometimes act passively? • Fear of being different from others. • Fear of failure.• Fear of drawing attention to yourself • Fear of taking risks.• Believing it is the easy way out.• Fitting in with others and be liked and accepted by them.• Feeling obliged to other person.

  5. What are the consequences of passive behaviour .• No control over your life or time • Taken advantage of.• Not the easy way out as you are often landed with things you do not want to do.• Fuels resentment. • Stuck in a rut – nothing changes. Do not learn how to behave differently. • Annoyed at self – lose self-respect and start putting yourself down in front of others.• Can spend lots of time in close relationships bemoaning your fate.• Makes you vulnerable to depression.

  6. Aggressive Response • You shout at the person who threw it and at the teacher

  7. Why do we act aggressively? • Because we are feeling stressed • Because we have a sense of being superior to others.• Because we want to appear powerful or have power over others

  8. What are the consequences of aggressive behaviour? • Undermines relationships with others.• Other people are more likely to be aggressive back.• Undermines your development as people are often too intimidated to give constructive feedback. • May undermine your development as people you’ve slighted will often go out of their way to check your progress.

  9. Manipulative Response • You go home and tell your parents you are being picked on • You tell the teacher unrelated incidents about the other pupil to try and get them into more trouble • You make up stories about the other pupil and spread them amongst friends

  10. What does manipulative behaviour look like? • Being two-faced – eg, being nice to someone’s face but saying negative things behind their back.• Telling ‘white lies’. • Trying to get your own way by devious, or back-door, means.• Playing one person off against another.• Using insincere flattery or charm to get someone to do something they would not otherwise want to do.• Making excuses and off-loading blame onto others.• Sarcastic remarks or put-downs where your meaning is not entirely clear.

  11. Why do we act in a manipulative way? • Because we don’t want to tell the truth • Because we don’t know how to be direct. • Because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings • Because we want to appear nice in someone else’s eyes • Want to appear nice without having to put in the effort.

  12. What are the consequences of manipulative behaviour? • Have to remember all the white lies you tell.• Chances of being found out are high.• Feel guilty and worried about being found out. • Disrespectful of others.• Do not develop our communication skills if we are prepared to lie our way out of tricky situations.

  13. Assertive Response • You apologise to the teacher and explain the situation • You accept responsibility for your part in it • You go to see the other pupil and ask them not to do it again (explaining what happened as a result of the incident)

  14. What is assertiveness? Being assertive means clear, honest and direct communication of positive and negative thoughts, feelings and opinions while, at the same time, respecting the rights, opinions and feelings of the other person.

  15. What is assertive behaviour? • Communicating when it is important to you.• Being direct (but not blunt or rude).• Being honest.• Treating others with equality and respect. • Taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions.• Being more positive than negative.• Being open and responsive to others.

  16. What will assertiveness do for you? Advantages to self • Gives a sense of personal integrity.• Builds your self-confidence.• You feel in charge of your behaviour and your life.  Impact on relationships/others • People know where they stand with you. • Others respect you, although they may often want you to act in ways which suit them better.• Helps to build good, solid relationships based on trust and respect.

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