“ What did they just say!?” Strategies for Interrupting Oppressive Behavior and Language

1. “What did they just say!?”Strategies for Interrupting Oppressive Behavior and Language Presented by: Cobretti D. Williams, Coordinator of Integrity Formation Programs MJ Jones, Asst. Resident Director for Murphy Apartments & Chardin

2. The theme of tonight’s conversation What would you do?

3. Learning Outcomes • Revisit foundational social justice definitions and meanings • Identify and discuss barriers and motivations to interrupting oppressive language and behavior • Brainstorm and share experiences about interrupting oppressive language and behavior • Apply prior knowledge and new learnings to complete a case study

4. Before we begin…What’s a social justice conversation without community guidelines?! Remember, 100% competency is non-existent – we are always learning Dialogue, not lecture Use “I” Statements Assume positive intent Be cautious of triggers Be patient Notice who is (and is not) in the room Lean into the discomfort (safety vs. comfort)

5. More key considerations… • Oppressive language and behavior is an equal opportunity phenomenon* • Oppressive behavior is continuous in nature, intentional and unintentional • Communities of Practice have strong influence • Cycle of Socialization (Harro, 2008) • Bystander Effect/Intervention • “You, me, and we”

6. Setting the Context –Revisiting Definitions: Privilege • Privilege operates on personal, interpersonal, cultural, and institutional levels and gives advantages, favors, and benefits to members of dominant groups at the expense of members of target groups. (Ex. White people; Able-bodied people; Heterosexuals; Males; Christians; • Middle or owning class people; etc.)

7. Setting the Context –Revisiting Definitions: Oppression • A system that maintains advantage and disadvantage based on stereotyped social group memberships. Oppression can manifest through: • Individual Acts of Prejudice, Ignorance, Hatred (intentional and unintentional) • Institutional Policy, Practice, Norms (intentional and unintentional) • Cultural Assumptions, Norms, Practices (intentional and unintentional)

8. Setting the Context –Revisiting Definitions: Microaggressions Microaggressions are “brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral and environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory or negative (racial) slights and insults that potentially have harmful or unpleasant psychological impact on the target person or group.” (Solorzano, Ceja, & Yosso, 2000)

9. Oppression is not just for extremists! Examples of microaggressions: Example • “I am not homophobic - I have gay friends, and I love Project Runway!” • “She's so independent, you wouldn't even know she's in a wheelchair!” Implicit Message • I am immune to homophobia because I have LGBT friends and/or I associate with mainstream stereotypes of queerness • Wheelchair users are unable to be independent Sue, Derald Wing. 2007. “Racial Microaggressions in Everyday Life: Implications for Clinical Practice.” American Psychologist . 271- 286.

10. Setting the Context –Revisiting Definitions: Triggers Statements, behaviors, and attitudes (intentional and unintentional) that provoke an immediate mental, emotional, and/or physiological negative response We all experience these differently

11. Setting the Context –Revisiting Definitions: Intent vs. Impact • Most of us do not wake up plotting to oppress or offend one another – we can assume positive intentions. • However, we can still impact others in a hurtful or negative way without meaning to. • Cobretti didn’t mean to step on my foot, and that’s nice and everything, but my foot still hurts regardless!

12. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” …Riiight. Gay Fat Retarded Lame Ghetto Crazy Gypped EVERYDAY LANGUAGE AND ITS MEANINGS

13. Motivations of Interrupting Oppressive Behavior & Language Creates more safe and welcoming communities Encourages dialogue and furthers education and awareness Silence in oppressive situations condones behavior and allows the cycle of oppression to continue More likely than not, someone else is thinking it!

14. Barriers to Interrupting Oppressive Behavior & Language • I don’t want to be labeled “too sensitive” or as having “no sense of humor” • I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings – what if they didn’t mean it? • I don’t know what to say, and I don’t want to make the situation worse! • Power dynamics, relationships, and cultural differences • Low expectations – What’s the point? • No one else around me is intervening (Bystander effect) • Triggers – I’m going to say the wrong thing if I respond while I’m angry/upset • Others?

15. Where do we go from here?

16. PAIR & SHARE Can you think of a time where you interrupted oppressive behavior? What was effective and what could you have done better? Can you think of a time you let oppressive behavior go on? What held you back?

17. So, you’ve been triggered. • B.A.R. (Breathe, acknowledge, and then respond) • BREATHE - Take a deep breath or two. It is the most natural way to calm you down • ACKNOWLEDGE – Acknowledge what the person is saying either through active listening or asking clarifying questions • RESPOND – Respond, don’t react.

18. Interrupting: More Skills & Strategies Speak from personal experience Ask clarifying questions Know your motivation and objective when interrupting Don’t lecture, dialogue Share new information & knowledge Demonstrate patience

19. So, you’ve been triggered. • B.A.R. (Breathe, acknowledge, and then respond) • BREATHE - Take a deep breath or two. It is the most natural way to calm you down • ACKNOWLEDGE – Acknowledge what the person is saying either through active listening or asking clarifying questions • RESPOND – Respond, don’t react.

20. More key considerations… We are always speaking from our own identities - privileged and marginalized - when interrupting (self-awareness is critical) Sometimes the group targeted by the behavior or language is not present – what are the benefits of interrupting regardless? Privilege can be used to interrupt oppressive behavior – but balance between acknowledging oppressive behavior and taking someone’s voice away

21. When I’ve offended someone… When someone shares with you that you have offended them, it can bring up feelings of guilt, shame and upset. Strategies: Breathe, acknowledge, and respond Avoid becoming defensive Keep intent vs. impact in mind Apologize, forgive yourself, and move forward with continuing to educate yourself

22. CASE STUDY

23. Case #1 The phrases “you’re such a fag” and "you’re such a retard" are casually used by several members of your community towards other community members and frequently appear written on dry erase boards throughout the community. Several other community members have expressed discomfort about the use of such offensive language and have begun isolating themselves from the rest of the community and have suggested an interest in moving should the behavior continue.

24. Case #2 At a recent program, the RA noticed several community members making fun of an international student because of her expression of the English language, her accent and making insulting comments about her traditional cultural manner of dress. In addition, when speaking with the student several community members speak in elevated tones and assume a mocking accent of their own. The international student has not expressed an awareness of the issue or any concern, but other members of the community are beginning to engage in the same behavior.

25. Case #3 Peers in one of your classes constantly engage in the telling of jokes that have been deemed as inappropriate, insulting and motivated by bias towards racial minorities, members of the LGBT community and people with physical disabilities. When confronted, they suggest they are just joking and people need to relax and lighten up. “Who cares?”

26. Case #4 You and a friend enter a busy restaurant off campus and stand in line behind two individuals, one who has Down’s syndrome and the other who is in a wheelchair. Several minutes pass before the waiter approaches you. Although the other two individuals have been waiting for longer, the waiter offers to seat you first.

27. It’s not just reactive… What are some ways to be proactive about interrupting oppression? • It starts with yourself – self awareness of your identities (privileged, marginalized, and border) • Educational poster or bulletin board campaigns around identity topics • Attending on-campus events to begin or further your own awareness around oppression(i.e. the recent Campus Climate forums) • Social programs and dialogue circles (i.e. “coming out” panels; DCs around current events) • Becoming involved in the community outside of SU to help further educate self and others • Others?

28. Closing Points • Don’t wait for someone else to jump in when you witness oppressive behavior in your community! • Mistakes can and will be made along the way and are part of the learning process • There are always going to be people who don’t care in this world! (Ignorance is bliss for some) • BUT – There are also plenty of people who are willing to learn and be challenged • Others?

29. EXAMEN: What is one new thing I took away from tonight’s activities? What is one question that still remains for me? How can I think about and apply these concepts outside of my leadership role?