How to Survive in Ms. Russell’s Class

1. How to Survive in Ms. Russell’s Class By her 7th graders of 08-09

2. Bow down to Ms. Russell. In this classroom she is the dictator, queen, master, saint, or whatever she may call herself. • Don’t be stupid. Common sense is a vital trait in the kingdom (classroom). • No whining! • Borrowing pens? Big no! no! • Keep your spiral in mint condition. • Laugh at all of her jokes. • Do the homework. She doesn’t give much anyway. • Don’t take advantage of fun activities. She always has worksheets ready to hand out.

3. Don’t be stupid. • Don’t say stupid stuff. • Don’t think stupid stuff. • Don’t put anything on her desk; it will never be found. • LAUGH at her jokes. • Don’t make her mad. She will throw a brick at you. Literally! • Don’t give her attitude. • Don’t say things you think are funny to make people laugh.

4. Do your work. • Keep your spirals. • Keep your spirals clean. • Keep your spirals organized. • If you like any other team besides the Dallas Cowboys, DO NOT mention it. • Bring a handheld pencil sharpener because she hates (I mean HATES) electric ones! • In this class there is a major rule about work: Do it or fail. • If you sit next to the light switch you will become the official light switch handler. • Most of all, if Ms. Russell isn’t happy, then nobody is happy.

5. The first thing you need to know is that Ms. Russell is QUEEN! Treat her like royalty. • If you disobey, you will pay. • Don’t talk when she’s talking, because that really gets under her skin. • It’s important not to have an attitude when you’re talking to her or answering her. • There’s no point in fighting with her because you’ll lose. • No passing notes or throwing objects across the room when you think she’s not looking because she’ll catch you.

6. My name is Susan (name changed) and I am a survivor. • I survived screams and lots of referrals. • The screams are something you wouldn’t want to hear. • Breath when you’re angry. • Don’t yell back, or you’ll be public enemy #1. • Watch out for the brick. • She doesn’t give second chances when she’s writing you up. • You have now been warned.

7. Grades • Turn in everything. • DO NOT talk back. • Only speak when spoken to. • Keep a good looking, well-kept, spiral. II. Videos • Never say you’ve already seen it if the rest of the class hasn’t. • Never yell out loud at a movie. • Laugh when she says it’s funny. • NEVER laugh at a movie with death in it.

8. IV. PowerPoints • Laugh at the sound effects. • Laugh at the funny pictures. • NEVER say her PowerPoints are boring; she will give you the brick. • DO NOT fall asleep during PowerPoints. V. Warnings • She really does have ashes of students who misbehave. • If you get in trouble she brings out the BRICK (dramatic music!), but you are safe. She almost never hits her target! Couldbe YOU

9. You must get your work done on time. • Don’t try those old sayings “I left it at home” when you know it’s in your binder and you didn’t even start it! • Respect her choices because she is doing what she is doing to teach you. • Be on time with everything you need for class, including a pen. • Don’t copy anyone’s work even if the person says “OK” because it is better to do it yourself and you won’t get a zero. • Keep your phone off and in your pocket. Otherwise it will get taken up. Trust me; I know.

10. The first thing you need to do is to NOT chew gum. She will catch you. • Do not talk back to her or correct her. She does not tolerate it. • Most of the time Ms. Russell is very nice unless someone pushes her buttons. • Do your work or she’ll hunt you down. • You know what? SHE MAKES HOME VISITS, so be good. • Never make her mad. She can be nice at times, but you don’t want to hear her scream. That scared me, even if she wasn’t screaming at me.

11. How to survive in Ms. Russell’s class is simple: be good, do your work, and show her respect. • This is HER CLASS. You follow her rules. She is the boss. • When she says she is going to call you parents, you better believe she is going to do it. • If you just sit there and don’t do your work, she gets mad. • If you talk out of turn she will get mad. • If you act silly and play around she gets mad. • There are a lot of things she gets mad about, but if you get on her good side, all of that will change

12. To survive in Ms. Russell’s class you have to have as much respect as if she was your parent. • You are going to do what she tells you and everything will be pretty cool if you have RESPECT. • When she says to be quiet, you’d better or she will turn vicious, but in a good way. • When you have a test, you’d better study, but don’t worry – she always has a PowerPoint review before the test. But if you don’t keep your mouth shut, she’ll shut down the PowerPoint!!!!

13. When she says to put something in your spiral, you’d better do it. Keep track of all your worksheets and keep your spiral organized. • Read all that she says or you WILL BE VERY CONFUSED.

14. Ms. Russell does not like for kids our age to act like 5 year olds. • When kids play around, that brings out the anger in her. • Really all you have to do is bring your supplies, come prepared, do your work, mind your own business, stay quiet, raise your hand before you get out of your seat, and most important of all – make her feel like a queen!

15. First of all, don’t get on her bad side. Trust me – she’s not afraid to write you up. • Ms. Russell can be nice too. One time she let me re-take a test; that was really nice of her. • Don’t make stupid comments. • Behave, treat her like the queen that she is, and you’ll do fine. • And listen to her stories: they’re good.

16. Come prepared every single day, even on the last day, and always do your work when told to. • When she says you may silently talk, she means SILENTLY, because if you don’t she’ll give you an assignment to do on the last day of school. • Never get Ms. Russell annoyed. • If you want to survive her class, then don’t act silly or try to be the class clown because it’s not going to work. • Listen to the teacher’s directions, because it’s really annoying to repeat the directions over and over.

17. Don’t make silly noises because it’s really immature to do so. When you do make silly noises you’ll get in really deep trouble and your teacher will call home. • Acting like an IDIOT is not a good way to impress others and “be cool”. It ruins the fun for everyone else when we could be having a great time. • Have good manners. Say “Yes ma’am” or “No, Ma’am”. That’s a big pet peeve for her. • Don’t pack up at the 6th grade bell; you still have 5 minutes.

18. Go to the bathroom before class starts because she usually won’t let you go. • Try your best. • First of all, when you walk into the room, tell her she looks nice, then she will probably be nice to you for the rest of the day. • Don’t sharpen your pencils all at one time; she will go mad if you do. • Do exactly what she says to do. • Don’t make her mad because if you do you will not have a good day. • You can tell when Ms. Russell is mad. She gets that look on her face, and that is when you need to shut up.

19. When she tells you to do something, you automatically do it without hesitation. • To survive in Ms. Russell’s class you will need a pen or pencil. • She prefers pen because she doesn’t like the sound of the pencil sharpener. • The most important thing to bring to class is your brain. • Do not chew gum; she WILL catch you. • If you’re not prepared for class and don’t have a pen, she’ll make you pop a vein and use blood for ink.

20. Don’t complain. • If she gets you in trouble and calls your parents, she’s just doing it for your own good because she loves you! • Do not talk so loud because when she gets mad, she gets MAD! • Don’t make googley eyes at girls. • Bring a glue stick. You will always need it for your spiral. • Don’t play dumb. • Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t say in church.

21. Always be prepared for her unpredictable mood swings. • Listen to all of her jokes, even if you don’t think they’re funny. • Don’t get on her bad side, because her bad side is worse than getting your foot chewed off by a pack of wolves. • Attempt to do your homework, even if you really don’t want to. • If you need something, wait quietly until she gets to you. • Don’t say stupid things while she is angry.

22. When you first get into Ms. Russell’s doorway you have to kiss her feet as a sign of respect and then say, “All hail the mighty Ms. Russell!” Then you may go in her classroom. • To survive Ms. Russell’s class you should take karate so you learn to dodge the brick. • Don’t chew gum. She always finds it because she has special powers. She can smell through anything. She can tell where it’s coming from and what gum it is. • Don’t make her call your mom in front of the whole class because you didn’t turn in your homework.

23. Don’t criticize the Dallas Cowboys! You will die. • When you need to turn something in, you have to turn it in or else she will hunt you down and make you do it. • Don’t try to out smart her. She knows it ALL. • Don’t say random things to try and be funny. • When pictures come in you really, really need to bring the money or the picture back or she WILL hunt you down, call parents, or even come to your house. • If you are on the quietest side of the room you will get to leave first.

24. Take all the opportunities she gives you. • Don’t be annoying. • Don’t be a clown. • Don’t get her in a bad mood. • Never chew gum in her class because she’s the best at finding gum. • No (absolutely not) sitting by friends that are going to make you talk. • Don’t argue with her. No matter what you do, DO NOT ARGUE. • Don’t complain either; she’ll give you something worse to do.

25. When you do something wrong, accept that you’re wrong and don’t say “my bad” or “sorry”. Instead say, “I’m sorry.” (Really easy, isn’t it!) • Don’t chew gum. She’s a good gum catcher. • She helps you if you have missing assignments. She is always here to help her students. Just ask! • If you’re not paying attention, at least act like you’re paying attention. • Listen to Ms. Russell instead of listening to students. • Don’t lie. She finds out everything.

26. Don’t mess with Texas. • Don’t mess with the Aggies. • Don’t mess with the Cowboys. • Don’t try to outsmart Queen Russell under any circumstances because she’s always 43 steps ahead of you. Before you can lie, she already knows what you’re about to say before you even say it. • Don’t lie. She finds out everything. • Don’t argue. At all. • Don’t talk to the dumb people – only talk to the relatively smart ones.

27. Actually know the answer when you raise your hand. • She’ll find out if you have gum, so there’s really no point in having it in the first place. • Do not do anything bad to get in the hall because she might forget and leave you in the hall for the whole period. • Do not try to fake doing your work because she will catch you. • If you don’t know the answer, write “Sam Houston”. • Be an Aggie.

28. When Ms. Russell says, “When you get your test you may read it, pray, meditate, etc.”, DO NOT actually sit on your desk and begin meditating. • Think deeply. It only hurts for the first couple of minutes. • Pick one bad habit to change and one good habit to start. • Learn this fact: Ms. Russell is always right, even if she’s wrong.