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Coming to Terms with Grief

Coming to Terms with Grief. Spiritual Splints for Emotional Wounds Ps 147:3 “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”. Genesis 23:1-3.

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Coming to Terms with Grief

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  1. Coming to Terms with Grief Spiritual Splints for Emotional Wounds Ps 147:3 “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”

  2. Genesis 23:1-3 Now Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. 2 Sarah died in Hebron in the land of Canaan; and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.

  3. Acts 8:2 “2 Some devout men buried Stephen, and made loud lamentation over him.”

  4. II Samuel 18: 33 – 19:4 • 33 David's Mourning for Absalom • Then the king was deeply moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept. And as he went, he said thus :"O my son Absalom — my son , my son Absalom — if only I had died in your place! O Absalom my son , my son!" • 19:1 And Joab was told, "Behold, the king is weeping and mourning for Absalom." 2 So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the people. For the people heard it said that day, "The king is grieved for his son." 3 And the people stole back into the city that day, as people who are ashamed steal away when they flee in battle. 4 But the king covered his face, and the king cried out with a loud voice, "O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son , my son!"

  5. Many things can trigger GriefTop 5 • Worse is death of beloved spouse • Divorce/Separation • Jail sentence • Death of a close family member • Major personal injury or illness

  6. Grief Triggers • Sin – persist in or got caught up in. • Loss of a job/home. • Unfaithful friends/abandonment • Church split – sense of loss and pain. • Unfaithful children – • Solomon: “A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her that bore him.” Prov 17:25

  7. Coming to Terms with Grief • The nature of death and grief • Death is an enemy and intruder – Rm 5:12 • 12 Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned • It is a tool of the devil that is used to break hearts and enslave men. Heb 2:14-15 • 14 Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, 15 and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives

  8. The Nature of Death and Grief • Death is inevitable – Rm 3:23, Heb 9:27 • Death is beyond our control, but we do have a choice in how we will respond! • Biblical View • Painful but necessary stage of life since sin has come into the world. • An important part of our ministry to others is support each other during such times. • Grief enables us to heal so we can handle losses in a healthy way.

  9. Ancients view of Grief “It is a plowing of the soul that makes ready for a future season; where a new planting and harvesting can occur.”

  10. Common Stages of Grief • Shock followed by denial • Emotional outpouring followed by fear • Guilt followed by anger

  11. Consider the wide range of emotions in Lamentations 1:2-11 • She weeps bitterly in the night And her tears are on her cheeks; She has none to comfort her Among all her lovers.. 3 Judah has gone into exile under affliction And under harsh servitude; 4 The roads of Zion are in mourning Because no one comes to the appointed feasts. All her gates are desolate; Her priests are groaning, Her virgins are afflicted, And she herself is bitter. 5. 7 In the days of her affliction and homelessness Jerusalem remembers all her precious things that were from the days of old, Even she herself groans and turns away. 9 Her uncleanness was in her skirts; She did not consider her future. Therefore she has fallen astonishingly; She has no comforter." See, O LORD, my affliction, For the enemy has magnified himself!" 11 All her people groan seeking bread;. "See, O LORD, and look, For I am despised."

  12. Lamentations 1:12ff • 12 "Is it nothing to all you who pass this way? Look and see if there is any pain like my pain Which was severely dealt out to me, 16 "For these things I weep; My eyes run down with water; Because far from me is a comforter, One who restores my soul. Hear now, all peoples, And behold my pain; My virgins and my young men Have gone into captivity. 19 "I called to my lovers, but they deceived me; My priests and my elders perished in the city While they sought food to restore their strength themselves. 20 "See, O LORD, for I am in distress;My spirit is greatly troubled; My heart is overturned within me,. 21 "They have heard that I groan;There is no one to comfort me.

  13. Remember: The Bible says: “It came to pass, never that it came to stay.”

  14. It is natural to grieve, but we must work through it over time • Symptoms that grief has not been resolved: • Avoidance of mourning or counseling • Excluding associations with the lost person • Withdrawal from religious services • Minor losses trigger major grief • Unwillingness to move the belongings of the lost loved one. • Inability to talk about loss without breaking down.

  15. Dealing with Grief • Acknowledge the loss (II Sam 12:19-23) • Danger sign if person does not grieve • Open casket is good thing. Helps make it be more real. • Realize the relationship has changed into another dimension. • Don’t try to forget, but remember them in a realistic way. • Identify and grieve your secondary losses • Keep a journal of your thoughts…helpful

  16. Share your Emotions! • Okay to cry! Jn 11:35 – “Jesus wept!” • Ecc 3:4 “There is a time to weep, and a time to mourn.” • Psalms 30:5 “Weeping cometh in the nighttime but a shout of joy cometh in the morning.” • Don’t bury your feelings! • Look to God! Tell Him how you feel! “He heals the brokenhearted, And binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. 6 The LORD supports the afflicted.” Ps 147:3-6 • He is the God of tender mercies and all comfort! II Cor 1:3-4

  17. On the Shinault’s Ceramic Christmas Plate on Kitchen counter the day of the funeral • Ps 50:15a “ Call upon Me in the day of trouble; and I will deliver thee!”

  18. Good Grief • Talk to friends who care will listen. • Avoid Isolation – it is deadly. • “You alone can make it, but you cannot make it alone.” • Reinvest your emotions! • “Then Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah's tent, and she became his wife, and he loved her; thus Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.” (Gen. 24:67) • After the death of Moses. Joshua 1:2 “Joshua said, Moses is dead, now there arise and go forth over the Jordan.” God said: “Go forth. I will not fail thee nor forsake thee. Be strong and be very courageous and I will give you good success.”

  19. How to Console the Grieving • A Christian duty/pleasure. (Rom 12:15) • Hearts are not healed by proxy. • Some mistakes to avoid: • Talking too much. Job 16:2 “Miserable comforters are ye, shall vain words have no end?” • Avoid clichés – “I know how you feel.” • Lam 1:12 “No sorrow likened unto my sorrow. • Minimizing the loss • Looking for pity for yourself! • Withdrawing your friendship due to awkwardness. Eccl 7:2 • “It is better to go to a house of mourning, than to go to a house of feasting.”

  20. What to do! • Be by their side! Listen. James 1:19 • “Need your shoulder, not your mouth.” • Meet feeling with feeling.. • Be patient. I Thess 5:14-15 • 14 We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. • Bear their burdens practically Gal 6:2 • Most critical time is about a week after the funeral. • Remember the children

  21. Conclusion • Christians believe more in the future than the past. • Great comfort of the Christian faith is that saints “fall asleep in Jesus.” • Faith and support of the Christian family gets you through difficult times…

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