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I messages in Communication

I messages in Communication. What reactions do these responses provoke? Who is being blamed? Why? Does this help the conflict? With I-messages the focus is on how you feel about a situation, which you clearly state, not on how terrible the other person is for causing it.

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I messages in Communication

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  1. I messages inCommunication What reactions do these responses provoke? Who is being blamed? Why? Does this help the conflict? With I-messages the focus is on how you feel about a situation, which you clearly state, not on how terrible the other person is for causing it. Psychologist John Gottman, one of the world’s foremost relationship scientists, points to the importance of introducing our complaints in a ‘softer’ non-critical, non-contemptuous way if we are to obtain resolution. • If you consistently use statements like:• You broke your promise• You weren't listening to me• You're always late

  2. I-messages talk about feelings I-messages usually contain four elements: (1) How I feel about the behavior and its effects(2) A description of the behavior, what actually happened(3) The actual, concrete, tangible effects of that behavior on you(4) The behavior you would prefer • I-messages focus on what you feel about someone’s behavior and simply state a problem, without blaming someone for it. • This makes it easier for the other person to help solve the problem, without having to admit that they were wrong.

  3. I-messages I-messages video You messages I messages Accurately reflect what the speaker thinks, believes, and feels They give facts to explain the speaker’s reaction Valuable when the speaker is hurt or upset and feels like lashing out Practice and self-control help you state feelings calmly • Blame the other person for the speaker’s feelings • They are a direct attack on the person and the actions

  4. I message scenarios I feel _________________ (express your feeling)when you _____________ (describe the action that affects you or relates to the feeling)because _______________ (explain how the action affects you or relates to the feeling) 1. Social skills: Your friend didn’t show up for the movie the two of you planned to meet for 2. Family skills: The mother is upset when her daughter didn’t come home at curfew and didn’t call. 3. Work:  your team member has been late for several important meetings

  5. What does an I-message do? 3. Preserves the quality of the relationship between you and the other person.  4. Helps the other person to understand what goes on between you better, and to improve their performance. • 1. Has a high chance of changing the behavior of another person when you find that behavior unacceptable.  • 2. Protects the self esteem of the other person. 

  6. I-messages in Relationship problems In the process we are less likely to cause reactions that may serve to perpetuate our problems. •  Communicating our annoyance, irritation, frustration and anger in this more controlled fashion is an effective outlet for these negative feelings.

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