Basics of Dialogue

1. Basics of Dialogue Adding life to a fictional world

2. Agenda Power of Dialogue to “Show” Illusion of Reality Dialogue Convention Stage Directions Personality and Subtext Bad Dialogue and Dialect

3. Dialogue to “Show” Add life in the white space

4. Dialogue to “Show” • Everything that isn’t narration = dialogue • External, internal, monologue, etc. • Dialogue is zippy, quick • Adds momentum and “cleanses” between narration • Think of the “perfect date” • Dialogue is a give-and-take • No one pushes, no one prods • Summary v. Dialogue • Summary good for relaying information quickly • Scene (aka dialogue) is best to “show” action/characterization • Reserve dialogue for key scenes and events

5. Summary v. Scene As the doctor explained that the baby had a tumor, the baby practiced his new pastime by switching the light on and off, on and off, increasing the Mother’s nervousness and fear. When the doctor pronounced the words Wilm’s tumor, the room went dark.

6. Summary v. Scene The baby wants to get up and play with the light switch. He fidgets, fusses, and points. “He’s big on lights these days,” explains the Mother. “That’s okay,” says the surgeon, nodding towards the light switch. “Let him play with it.” The Mother goes and stands by it, and the Baby begins turning the lights off and on, off and on. “What we have here is a Wilm’s tumor,” says the Surgeon, suddenly plunged into darkness. He says “tumor” as if it were the most normal thing in the world. “Wilms?” repeats the Mother. The room is quickly on fire again with light, then wiped dark again. Among the three of them here, there is a long silence, as if it were suddenly the middle of the night. “Is that apostrophe s or s apostrophe?”

7. Illusion of Reality Real-Life Makes Terrible Fiction

8. Illusion of Reality • Everybody talks. But not dialogue talks. • Dialogue used to be theatrical .Real-life conversation is difficult to pull off. • Example: Upon spying the Grand Canyon for the first time, Jeannie-Lynn and Billy-Joe exclaimed, “What a splendid vista!” “See?” Their mother pointed. “The scrub brush creates a harmonious palate of green-tinted lushness in the vastness of the canyon.” “I’ll have to relate this to my fourth-grade class!” Jeannie-Lynn said.

9. Illusion of Reality • Everybody talks. But not dialogue talks. • Real-life conversation is difficult to pull off. • Better dialogue: When they finally reached the the edge of the Grand Canyon, Jeannie-Lynn and Billy-Joe opened their eyes wide in amazement. “Wow,” said Billy-Joe. “That’s so awesome,” Jeannie-Lynn whispered. “See the scrub brush like we saw in Grandma’s backyard?” Their mother pointed. The children nodded. “I’m going to talk about this in show-and-tell,” Jeannie-Lynn said. “Can we take a picture?”

10. Illusion of Reality • Real-life dialogue isn’t actually real-life • Fictional dialogue needs impact, focus, and relevance • Example: “Hey. Um, hey.” “Oh, hey.” “Hey, Dana, It’s Gina.” “Oh, hi. Wait, can you hold on? Okay, hi.” “Hey. What’s up?” “Good. I mean, nothing. How’re you doing?” “Good. Where are you?” “On my cell.” “I mean, where.” “Oh, on my way after work, like, in the street.” “Yeah?” “Um, yeah.”

11. Illusion of Reality • Real-life dialogue isn’t actually real-life • Fictional dialogue needs impact, focus, and relevance • Better example: “Hey Dana, it’s Gina.” “Hi. Was I supposed to call you?” “Yeah, it’s Wednesday. Are you still up for seeing a movie?” “I have to wait to see what Matt is doing.”

12. Illusion of Reality: Your Turn Recall a dialogue exchange you had in the past few days. Do your best to write it down being faithful to what was actually said. Don’t airbrush out the boring parts or make the dialogue snappy. Pretend you’re transcribing from a recording. Just put each character’s name next to the dialogue. Rewrite the dialogue to make it concise and dramatically interesting. Fictionalize the names, and feel free to embellish.

13. Conventions of Dialogue Punctuation means something!

14. Dialogue Convention • Traditionally, begins and ends with double quotes • “Dude, you seen my left shoe?” • One paragraph per speaker, no matter length “Hot enough for you, mate?” I asked the guard. “Shut up,” he said. “Okay, okay.” I sat back down on the wooden bench. • Narrative tags? Used “said” • Asked, replied…okay. Other words have “trampoline” effect.

15. Dialogue Convention • Attribution should be appropriately placed • “I don’t,” she said, “love you anymore.” • “I don’t love you anymore,” she said. • Don’t always need tags to attribute • Say another character’s name • “Hey, Pete, you got a light?” • Add action with the dialogue • “I don’t think I believe in God.” Bert put down his coffee cup to stare out the window. • Or a thought • “Get me a half-pound of that salami.” Marsha wondered if she’d been a little harsh. “Please,” she added.

16. Stage Directions • Adding physical action in dialogue adds life • Non-verbal gestures sometimes say more than words • Stage directions avoid “floating heads” • Mention sitting or standing, driving a car or sipping coffee • Let’s take a look at an excellent example:

17. Stage Directions He was running over the tiled floor of the operating room with a mop. “Are you still doing that?” I said. “Jesus, there’s a lot of blood here,” he complained. “Where?” The floor looked clean enough to me. “What the hell were they doing in here?” he asked me. “They were performing surgery, Georgie,” I told him. “There’s so much goop inside of us, man,” he said, “and it all wants to get out.” He leaned his mop against a cabinet. “What are you crying for?” I didn’t understand. “He stood still, raised both arms slowly behind his head, and tightened his ponytail. The he grabbed the mop and started making broad random arcs with it, trembling and weeping and moving all around the place really fast. “What am I crying for?” he said. “Jesus. Wow, oh boy, perfect.”

18. Stage Directions: Your Turn Take the second version of the dialogue exchange you did in the last exercise. Using the same dialogue, rewrite the exchange, this time adding tags and stage directions. Hint: it may help if one or both of the characters are engaged in a physical actions.

19. Personality & Subtext The Relationship and Setting Sometimes Say More than Words

20. Personality & Subtext • Speech is one of a person’s most telling traits • Everyone’s speech is unique, dialogue should be too • “I am emotionally attracted to Ms. Mason. She has a Machiavellian ferocity that begs to be challenged.” • When thinking about speech, think about: • Are the formal or informal typically? • Are they well-educated? • Do they have any common or frequent “pet” phrases? • Gatsby’s “old sport” • Are they from a specific geographic location?

21. Personality & Subtext Example from “The Accountant”: Willie Mays said, “Shoot, you hit the ball, brother.” I ventured, “Shoot, yes.” Willie Mays said, “You creamed that sucker.” I said, “Say, I bet they sock you at tax time.”

22. Personality & Subtext • Sometimes, what’s not stated is stronger than what is • Subtext is the connotation of spoken phrases • Capitalize on miscommunication, sarcasm, and juxtaposition • Example from The Great Gatsby: “They’re such beautiful shirts,” she sobbed, her voice muffled in the thick folds. “It makes me sad because I’ve never seen such—such beautiful shirts before.” • A Yiddish proverb says, “A man hears one word but understands two.” Good rule for dialogue.

23. Personality & Subtext: Your Turn Envision a husband and wife or any other kind of romantic pair. Give them names and think about who they are. One of these characters suspects the other of being unfaithful (in some way), and let’s say the other character (in some way) is guilty. Write a dialogue exchange between them where the sore topic is never referred to directly but simmers under the surface. Don’t enter the thoughts of either character. And keep the whole conversation on tuna steak, which they are having for dinner.

24. Bad Dialogue & Dialect When Good Ideas go Bad

25. Bad Dialogue & Dialect • Bad dialogue feels contrived, fake • Like the author is too “present” as a puppeteer • Example from The X Files Scully: He’s exsanguinating from a laceration in his jugular. Mulder: You mean he’s bleeding to death from his neck? • Avoid exposition (telling) in dialogue • If you need to “tell,” use narration. • “Troy, you were six years old when you mother left you and your sister to join the circus as a high-wire acrobat.” • Troy would already know this! • “Troy, grow up. It’s been twenty years since your mother left, and you’re still harping about how much your hate aerialists. It’s time to let go.”

26. Bad Dialogue & Dialect • Be wary of “preaching” • If you have a message, let your character discover it or write a speech • Profanity • Written profanity packs a heavier punch than spoken • Use thoughtfully, but sparingly

27. Bad Dialogue & Dialect • Dialect • Tread carefully—like walking on egg shells • Too much can sound contrived or offensive: “Oygevalt!” cried Sadie. “Bubbela, the scare you gave me.” “What, are you meshugana, leaving this fish on the floor?” Versus “Oygevalt!” Sadie said. “The scare you gave me.” “Well, I didn’t expect there should be fish on the floor,” Moishe said. • Find a couple key phrases and stick to them • “y’all” “We be going” etc. • Just “tell” there is a dialect in narration