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合 奏 「管」然「樂」. Your Questions. How to communicate with my child? How to raise a responsible child? How to teach my child patiently? How to effectively communicate with spouse when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?

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合 奏

「管」然「樂」


Your Questions

  • How to communicate with my child?

  • How to raise a responsible child?

  • How to teach my child patiently?

  • How to effectively communicate with spouse when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?

  • Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).

  • Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.

  • Discipline/building positive relationships.

  • How to teach kids in a way they understand?


Your Questions

  • How to communicate with my child?

  • How to raise a responsible child?

  • How to teach my child patiently?

  • How to effectively communicate with spouse when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?

  • Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).

  • Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.

  • Discipline/building positive relationships.

  • How to teach kids in a way they understand?



合 奏「管」然「樂」

  • How did your parents discipline you?

  • What do you remember most about your parents’ discipline?

  • What do you agree/disagree about your parents’ style of discipline?

  • What similarities/differences do you see in the way you/your spouse discipline and how you were disciplined as a child?


The difference styles of discipline
The Difference Styles of Discipline

Support & Love

(Affirmation)

Control (Punishment)


The difference styles of discipline1
The Difference Styles of Discipline

Low in Control

High in Control

Control (Punishment)


The difference styles of discipline2
The Difference Styles of Discipline

High Support & Love

Support & Love

(Affirmation)

Low Support & Love


The difference styles of discipline3
The Difference Styles of Discipline

High Support & Love

Low in Control

Low in Control

Low in Control

High in Control

High in Control

The Balanced Child

The Uncontrolled Child

Authoritative

Permissive

Where

Are You?

The

Crushed

Child

The Neglected Child

Authoritarian

Neglectful

Low Support & Love



Today s menu
Today’s Menu

  • What is Discipline?

  • The Wrong Assumptions in Discipline

  • Different Ways to Discipline and Their Pros and Cons

  • Prevention Over Intervention

  • Basic Principles of Discipline

  • Steps to Positive Behaviors

  • Q & A

  • Bonus (Leading by Example, How to Communicate with kids)


The biblical principles
聖 經 的 原 則The Biblical Principles

「教養孩童,使他走當行的道,就是到老,他也不偏離 。 」“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” 箴 Prov. 22:6


Definition of discipline
Definition of Discipline

  • External Discipline

  • Internal Discipline

  • The goal is to apply external discipline to enable a child to develop new skills and proper conduct in order to acquire internal discipline.


Definition of discipline1
Definition of Discipline

Discipline is “the training

in conduct that uses

a neutral blend of

rewards and punishment

to shape moral character.”

~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite


To inflict penalty for an offense

To train for correction and maturity

Past misdeeds

Future correct deeds

Hostility and frustration

Love and concern

Fear and Guilt

Security


Definition of discipline2
Definition of Discipline

Discipline is “the training

in conduct that uses

a neutral blend of

rewards and punishment

to shape moral character.”

~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite


Definition of discipline3
Definition of Discipline

Discipline is “the training

in conduct that uses

Positive and Negative

Consequences

to shape moral character.”

~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite


The little adult assumption
The Little Adult Assumption

The belief that kids are basically reasonable and unselfish…just smaller versions of grownups. They misbehave because they don’t have enough information. So...

False Assumption:

Give them calm, rational explanations of why they should change a behavior and they will shape up immediately.


Two biggest discipline mistakes
Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes

  • Too Much Talking – Too Much Talking is a mistake because it either does not work or takes you through the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-HitSyndrome.

  • Too Much Emotion – Too Much Emotion is a mistake because the child picks up on negative emotions which may prolong or increase their negative behaviors


Parents as animal trainers
Parents as Animal Trainers


Parents as Animal Trainers

  • Choose a training method

  • Repeat it until it works

  • If done correctly, you’ll get result


Forms of Discipline

  • Yelling

  • Put-Down

  • Forcing an Apology

  • Time-Out


How to Execute Time-Out(or the naughty step)

  • Warning (either 1 warning or 1-2-3)

  • If ignores  Time-Out

  • Explanation and walk away

  • Set a timer (1 minute per age)

  • If get up  put back & reset timer

  • Time’s up  Explain why again (?)

  • Ask for apology

  • Resolution  Hugs and Kisses



Forms of Discipline

  • Yelling

  • Put-Down

  • Forcing an Apology

  • Time-Out

  • Loss of Privilege

  • Grounding

  • Spanking

    • Is it okay to spank? If so, how?


Forms of Discipline

  • Spanking

    • Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

      不忍用杖打兒子的,是恨惡他;疼愛兒子的,隨時管教。~ Prov. 13:24 ~

    • Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.

      愚蒙迷住孩童的心,用管教的杖可以遠遠趕除 。~ Prov. 22:15 ~


Forms of Discipline

  • Spanking

    • Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.

      不可不管教孩童; 你用杖打他, 他必不至於死。 你要用杖打他, 就可以救他的靈魂免下陰間。~ Prov. 23:13-14 ~

    • A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.

      杖打和責備能加增智慧;放縱的兒子使母 親羞愧。~ Prov. 29:15 ~


Forms of Discipline

  • Spanking

    • Do not spank in anger

    • Age appropriate (roughly between 18 months to 10 years old)

    • Only used for active defiance

    • Spanking is a procedure...a means and not an end...administer with love, explanation, and resolution

    • Spanking is only one of the methods of correction, choose wisely


Forms of Discipline

  • Yelling

  • Put-Down

  • Forcing an Apology

  • Time-Out

  • Loss of Privilege

  • Grounding

  • Spanking

  • Bear Hug / Hold Down




Prevention Over Intervention

Top Ten Tantrum Triggers:

  • Tiredness

  • Hunger

  • Over or under stimulation

  • Too many demands...like sharing

  • Want to do it by themselves but not being able to

  • Disputes over food

  • Emotions like fear and anxiety

  • Perfectionist temperament

  • Not getting their own ways

  • New environments


Prevention Over Intervention

  • Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences

    • Safety

    • Courtesy and Sharing

    • Bedtime

    • Mealtime

    • Noise Level

    • Getting Dressed

    • Tantrums


Prevention Over Intervention

  • Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences

  • Stop Potential Bad Habits

  • Praise Good Behavior

  • Avoid Idleness And Boredom

    • Is it okay to use an iPad or iPhone to occupy the kid(s)? Discuss


Travel Tote Bag for Toddlers

  • Finger puppets

  • Etch-a-sketch / Doodle pad

  • Crayons and coloring book

  • Sticker books / Activity books

  • Pipe cleaners

  • Books to read

  • Music and storybooks on an iPod, iPad, MP3 player, or CD player, and over-the ear headphones

  • Favorite blankie or stuffed animal

  • Healthy snacks

  • Change of clothes in case of accidents


Prevention Over Intervention

  • Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences

  • Stop Potential Bad Habits

  • Praise Good Behavior

  • Avoid Idleness And Boredom

  • Establish A Schedule

  • Express Excitement



Two major areas of discipline
Two Major Areas of Discipline

  • Controlling Inappropriate Behavior

  • Encouraging Good Behavior


Basic Principles of Discipline

  • Maximize the Trainable Years


「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上遵行,好叫你和你子子孫孫一生敬畏耶和華─你的 神,謹守他的一切律例誡命…我今日所吩咐你的話都要記在心上,也要殷勤教訓你的兒女。無論你坐在家裏,行在路上,躺下,起來,都要談論。也要繫在手上為記號,戴在額上為經文;又要寫在你房屋的門框上,並你的城門上。」申Deut. 6:1-9


With Responsibility「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上

Comes Privilege

With great power comes great responsibility


Basic Principles of Discipline「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上

  • Maximize the Trainable Years

  • With Responsibility Comes Privilege


Basic Principles of Discipline「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上

  • Maximize the Trainable Years

  • With Responsibility Comes Privilege

  • Consequence Should Match the Offense

  • Consistency and Immediate Follow-Through


Common Discipline Mistakes「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上

  • Warn but don’t follow through

  • Impossible to follow through

  • Lack of consistency

  • Impatience with the technique


Steps to Positive Behavior「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上

  • Decide what matters to you

  • Set boundaries

  • Communicate boundaries and expectations

  • Be a good role model

  • Praise and reward

  • Comment when others do it

  • Do it everyday


有乜問題「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上?


Q & A「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上


Your Questions「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上

  • How to communicate with my child?

  • How to raise a responsible child?

  • How to teach my child patiently?

  • How to effectively communicate with spouse when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?

  • Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).

  • Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.

  • Discipline/building positive relationships.

  • How to teach kids in a way they understand?


Leading by example
生 命 影 響 生 命「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上Leading By Example

  • 與神的關係Relationship with God

  • 與配偶的關係 Relationship with Spouse

  • 與他人的關係Relationship with Others

  • 與子女的關係Relationship with Kids


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