Self-Editing & Revision Skills

Self-Editing &Revision Skills Thayne Bruszewski English 602 Project Fall 2011 Rebecca Donahoe

Titles • Is your title underlined or italicized? If so, undo it. Original, personal titles are left alone. Boxer: The Story of a Workhorse • If you are using the title of any work that can stand on its own, then you should italicize the title. Animal Farm • If you are using the title of any work that is part of a larger work, then you should put quotation marks around the title. “The Road Not Taken”

Attention-grabbers • Have you started with an attention-grabber to engage your audience? • Quotation “Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.” – E.L. Doctorow • Question Have you ever experienced writer’s block? • Anecdote After suffering writer’s block all evening, a great story idea hit me while I was driving to school… • Startling Fact Most professional writers report that they, too, suffered from writer’s block as young writers. • Statistic Nine out of ten professional writers report that they still suffer from writer’s block.

Thesis statements • Do you have a clear, precise statement within your first two paragraphs that previews what your paper will be about? High school graduates should be required to take a year off to pursue community service projects before entering college. • If your paper includes reasons, did you forecast them following your thesis? This time off could result in an increase maturity, work-experience, and global awareness. • Does the entire paper support the thesis? College is expensive. For example, a semester at Harvard costs $45,620. (Does this support?)

Introductions • Now that you’ve caught your audience’s attention, and created a clear thesis, what else should a good introduction have? Take a look at these two examples. What are the differences? Which is more effective? • This advertisement, found in a National Geographic magazine published in October 2011, is supporting Chevron and their use of renewable energy. The ad is convincing oil companies to follow the example of Chevron and “get behind the development of renewable energy” because “something’s got to be done.”It is also convincing readers to buy Chevron vehicles and products because they are energy efficient. With strong appeals to ethos, pathos, logos, and appealing to a relevant audience that would be interested in the ad, this is a very convincing argument. • A spotless green truck is shown on an unpaved road alongside a lake. Uncut grass lines the bank of the lake. On the other side of the lake, we glimpse an undisturbed tree line. Little leaves border the vista, separating it from the text on the page. This advertisement for Waste Management appeals to its viewers by its use of ethos (information about Waste Management and its partnerships), pathos (emotional language and imagery that evokes sympathy for conservation efforts), and logos (numerical information regarding preserved wildlife habitats).

Topic Sentences • Do all of your paragraphs have a topic sentence? My father was a master storyteller. He could tell a fine old story that made me hold my sides with rolling laughter and sent happy tears down my cheeks, or a story of stark reality that made me shiver and be grateful for my own warm, secure surroundings. • Does all of the paragraph content support the topic sentence? My father was a master storyteller. He could tell a fine old story that made me hold my sides with rolling laughter and sent happy tears down my cheeks, or a story of stark reality that made me shiver and be grateful for my own warm, secure surroundings. My mother was movie-star beautiful. (Is there a sentence here that does not support?)

Transitions • Have you used transitions between paragraphs? Far up on the opposite hill I see her, flapping and hopping… Even at two hundred yards, I can feel her binocular vision zeroing in; I can feel the heat of her stare. Later, I look through my binoculars at all sorts of things. I’m seeing the world with an eagle eye. That night I dream about two moons. One is pink and spins fast; the other is an eagle’s head, farther away and spinning in the opposite direction. • Have you used transitions between sentences? The main section of the bridge is nearly a mile long. When the bridge was completed in 1964, it was the longest bridge in the world. Since then, several countries have build longer ones.

Transitional Words/Phrases • Effect • therefore consequently • accordingly thus • hence as a result • Cause • because • since • on account of • for that reason • Addition furthermore moreover too also in the second place again in addition even more next further last, lastly finally besides and, or, nor first second, secondly, etc. • Time • while immediately never • after later, earlier always • when soon whenever • meanwhile sometimes in the meantime • during afterwards now, until now • next following once • then at length simultaneously • so far this time subsequently • Place • here there nearby • beyond wherever opposite to • adjacent to neighboring on above, below

Transitional Words/Phrases Continued • Clarification • that is to say in other words • to explain i.e., (that is) • to clarify to rephrase it • to put it another way • Illustration to illustrate to demonstrate specifically for instance as an illustration e.g., (for example) for example • Comparison • in the same way by the same token similarly • in like manner likewise • in similar fashion • Contrast • yet and yet • nevertheless nonetheless • after all but • however though • otherwise on the contrary • in contrast notwithstanding • on the other hand at the same time • Purpose • in order that so that • to that end, to this end for this purpose

Quoting • Do your quotes have introductions (including attribution and credentials)? George Smith, another supporter of cloning and the President of the Human Cloning Foundation, believes that science fiction works have created hysteria in the popular media. Smith argues, “From Frankenstein to The Sixth Day, our popular media has done nothing but stir up the public’s anxiety about monsters” (25). • Do you follow your quotes with discussion/ explanation? George Smith, another supporter of cloning and the President of the Human Cloning Foundation, believes that science fiction works have created hysteria in the popular media. Smith argues, “From Frankenstein to The Sixth Day, our popular media has done nothing but stir up the public’s anxiety about monsters” (25). His views on the popular media tell us . . .

Quotation Marks • Use quotation marks at the beginning and at the end of a direct quotation. Bill said, “My favorite sport is baseball.” (Notice the difference in this sentence  Bill said that his favorite sport is baseball. • Use single quotation marks around a quotation within a quotation. “President Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, ‘Major league baseball has done as much as any one thing in this country to keep up the spirit of the people,’” stated Mr. Pennebaker. • Periods and commas go inside quotation marks. • Question marks and exclamation points go inside if the quotation itself is a question or exclamation. • Question marks and exclamation points go on the outside if the quoted material is a question or quotation. • Colons and semicolons go on the outside of quotation marks.

Block quotes • Do you use block quotes sparingly? • Are block quotes set off an extra inch from the left margin? • Do they end with a period followed by the in-text citation? Gerald Graff’s description of the college in the nineteenth century corrects the popular myth About the golden age of American education: College faculties acted as disciplinary tribunals, periodically reviewing violations of rules such as those requiring students to attend chapel services early every morning, to remain in their rooms for hours every day, and to avoid the snares of town. Nor were these restrictions relaxed for the many students in their late twenties or older, who lived alongside freshmen as young as fourteen. (25)

In-text citations • Did you include in-text citations for all quotes, paraphrases, and summaries? One historian argues that since the invention of television “our politics, religion, news, athletics, education, and commerce have been transformed into congenial adjuncts of show business, largely without protest or even much popular notice” (Postman 3). • Did you vary your use of in-text citations? Postman points out that since the invention of television “our politics, religion, news, athletics, education, and commerce have been transformed into congenial adjuncts of show business, largely without protest or even much popular notice” (3).

First words • Look at the first word of each paragraph. Are you being repetitive? Vary your word choice. Dogs and cats are both popular household pets, yet people differ drastically in their feelings about these two species. Why do some people say they are “cat people,” and others “dog people”? It may be that one animal has a clear advantage over the other. Dogs… Cats…. Dogs… • Look at the first word of each of your sentences. Are you using variety? The day started as any other. The sun came up. The alarm went off. I got out of bed. The phone rang, and I found out that I had the day off!

Counts • Count the number of paragraphs. Do you have at least five? • Count the number of sentences in each of your paragraphs. Are you varying paragraph length (5-9 sentences)? Are any especially wordy? Are any especially short? Is it for dramatic effect? • Count the number words in each of your sentences. Are you varying sentence length?

Specific Language • Read through your essay with word choice in mind. Have you used precise language to mean exactly what you intend? • There is a multitude of pathos in this ad, and a fantastic use of ethos throughout. An immense appeal to pathos is also vastly apparent throughout the advertisement. • Are there words in this example that don’t quite seem to fit? • It makes very good appeals to ethos, adding credibility to the ad. It makes a good appeal to pathos . . . • Read through your essay for generic words like “good.” What would be a better word for this writer to use?

Verb usage • Circle all of the verbs. Can you make them stronger, more precise, more interesting? The dog ran across the yard and climbed over the fence. He went into the house, and went to bed. How can we make these better? • Are any of your sentences in passive voice? Is there a specific reason for this? If not, make them active. The International Space Station was constructed by a group of 16 countries. receiver of action verb • Can you invert any of your sentences in order to create variety? Down came the savage storm on the Spanish galleon.

Preposition usage • Underline all of the prepositions. Try to eliminate 1/3 of them.

Adjective usage • Look at you nouns. Are you modifying them with descriptive adjectives? The nice girl who lives in the big house goes to a good school. How can we make these better? • Eliminate any unnecessary adjectives. Yesterday I made a wonderful, tasty, cheesy grilled cheese sandwich. It was delicious! The bread was nice and toasty and the cheese was gooey and goopy. Even my son, a picky eater said it was yummy. • Do you need to add any adjectives? Joe cleaned his bedroom. How can we make this better?

Pronoun usage • Eliminate any second-person pronouns. • Use first-person pronouns sparingly (and not at all with most academic writing). You I WE MY OUR ME MINE US Ours

Pronoun/Antecedent Usage • When referring to a generic, singular person, like a “reader,” be sure to use singular pronouns. • The whole ad draws the reader in, making them feel that this product’s worth is substantial. • What are two ways that you could fix this sentence? • Check your essay for agreement in number.

Apostrophe usage • Find words that end in “s.” Make sure you are following these rules: • Most plural nouns end in s. • Most nouns that show possession end with an apostrophe and an s (‘s). • Most nouns that are both pluralandpossessive end with an s and an apostrophe (s’).

Comma usageMake sure you are not breaking any of the following rules: • Items in a series are separated by commas. This includes the one that immediately precedes the “and.” Bungee jumping has joined the ranks of surfboarding, skateboarding, and skydiving as an extreme sport. • Introductory elements and interrupters are set off by commas.  Oh, bungee jumping is not for the faint-hearted.  At the beginning of the jump, a person feels a rush of emotions.  Bungee jumping,by the way, can be done in groups.  A seven-person team, for example, has jumped in a specially designed basket. • Non-essential appositive phrases are set off by commas. Gail Devers, a survivor of Graves’ Disease, overcame many obstacles to achieve athletic success.

Comma usage cont. • Conjunctive adverbs are followed by commas.  However, if you are a thrill-seeker, then bungee jumping is the perfect hobby.  The invention of the transistor radio contributed to the rise of rock and roll; similarly, the introduction of cable television helped launch music videos. (Notice the semicolon before the conjunctive adverb.) • Two independent clauses joined with a coordinating conjunction must include a comma. Rodeos are held in many parts of the United States, but they are also popular in Mexico, Canada, and Australia. • Two independent clauses that are joined with just a comma (no coordinating conjunction) is called a comma splice. He went to the store, he bought a candy bar.

Sentence Errors • Joining independent clauses without a conjunction and a comma or without a semicolon are run-on sentences. One popular myth credits Marco Polo with the discovery of the heavenly dessert of ice cream another tells how a Tuscan confectioner introduced Italians to ice milk and fruit ice. • Sentences that are missing a subject, verb, and/or a complete thought are sentence fragments. • In 1853, Native American George Crum served his version of French fries at Moon Lake Lodge. Soon thereafter faced a guest’s disapproval. (missing a subject) • Chef Crum angered by the rejection. Eventually he created the potato chip. (missing a verb)

Self-Editing & Revision Skills