The Hangzhou Harlequin Hymn Book

1. TheHangzhou Harlequin Hymn Book Songs for Winners & Sinners “Harlequins, say your prayers” – KaptainKongo

2. The Harlequin Prayer…. Harlequins, Say your prayers… Hail Hangzhou Full of Lakes Smack a Bitch In the Face

3. In Ancient times…. The Harlequins of Old announced…. That ALL good Rugby songs Shall end with ….. (Trumpet sound) DaDaDaDa!! ‘TITS AND ASS!!’ And so.. long may this tradition live on..

4. “We're called the Harlequins“ To the tune of House of the Rising Sun • So Xiamen, hide your women, • Tell them not to go outside • Hide them away, at least for today, • ‘Cause they’re sure to want a ride. (queue vulgar thrust) • We'll play you all at rugby, • And take your girls to bed, • We came here dressed as outlaws, • And still they’ll give us head. • Then we'll all go back to Hangzhou, • No matter who has won • We came, we saw, we conquered (oh), • And rode into the sun. • There is a team In Hangzhou. • We're called the Harlequins, • And we've been the ruin, of many a poor team, • We train, we play, we Win • We came from many nations, • And trained in Hangzhou's heat, • We may not all be experts, • But still you’ll taste defeat • Now the Only things our players need, • Are our kitbags and some beer, • But if we're feeling flirty, • Then keep your girlfriends near.

5. "Wanted Dead Or Alive“ byBon Jovi • [Chorus:]I'm a Harlequin, on your women I shall rideI'm wanted dead or aliveWanted dead or aliveWe walk these streets, looking out for ass and rackAnd everybody knows… Black Mike got back We’re from everywhere, and We’re standing tallWe've seen a million faces and either rucked or fucked them all!I'm a Harlequin, on your women I shall rideI'm wanted dead or aliveI'm a Harlequin, The best fuckin rugby sideI'm wanted dead or aliveAnd I ride, dead or aliveRuck and drive, dead or aliveDead or alive [x4] • It's always the same, only the players change.Everyday it seems we're wasting awayBut in this Xiamen place • where the weather ain’t so coldThe Harlequins unite!, the new and the old.[Chorus:]I'm a Harlequin, on your women I shall rideI'm wanted dead or aliveWanted dead or aliveThere shall be no sleep, No we won’t sleep for daysAnd if anybody does, Congo slaps em in the faceYou might think by how we playThat we came here for the drinkBut we came here for the women too, • and we’re gonna sink some pink.

6. “time of my life“ Green day – time of your life • Another tequila, another JagerbombThey’ll make me shoot the boot or maybe the condom.But I’ll make the best of this test, and won't ask whyAnd I’ll want to puke, but I’ll just smile and say I’m fine.I find you all despicable, I think I’m going to cry.Its the worst fucking time of my life.Those naked photographs, best not end up onlineHangovers and poor health, you call this a good time?Sluts, Booze and STD’s and sex in the train isle.Rude songs, Cruel jokes, Balls out, my god - you are so vile!I find you all despicable, I think I’m going to cry.Its the worst fucking time of my life. (X3)

7. “Take Me Home“ to tune of country road • Hangzhou! Take me home! • To the place, I belong! • Best in Zhejiang, • Harlequins, • Take me home, To Hangzhou! • I hear Xiamen after our game and they're a bleedin' • The West lake reminds me of my home far away, • And shaggin' all they're girls i get a feelin' that I should have come home yesterday... Yesterdayyyyy! • Hangzhou! Take me home! • To the place, I belong! • Best in Zhejiang, • Harlequins, • Take me home, To Hangzhou! • Take me home, To Hangzhou! • Almost Heaven, Western Zhejiang • Baochu Mountain, Qiantang river • Girls are hot there, make em all say 'prease' • Hotter than your sister blowin' on her knees • Hangzhou! Take me home! • To the place, I belong! • Best in Zhejiang, • Harlequins, • Take me home, To Hangzhou! • Playing rugby, We will smash you • Then fuck your ladies on the shores of Gulanyu. • Pink's our Colour, that is not a lie, • If you think it's funny we'll sock you in the eye.

8. “We don’t play“ • We don't play for Adoration.. • We don't play for Victory.. • We just play for Aggravation.. • Mighty Hangzhou Harlequins We.. • Balls to Shanghai!...Balls to Shanghai!.... • We Are Hangzhou R.F.C!! • We are Hangzhou R.F.C!!

9. “The Hangzhou Haka“ • Eight Bite Suck Fuck Gobble Nibble Chew. • Titty-Bottom. Hair-Pie. Mother-Fucking Screw. • Rat Shit - Cat Shit - Dirty Rotten Twat. • 69 Arseholes Tied in a knot! • Lizard! – Shit! - Fuck !!!!

10. “We’re the Harlequins“ • Oh we're the HarlequinsA fighting furyWe're the HarlequinsIn any weather - you will see us with a grinRisking head and skinIf we're behind then never mindWe'll fight and fight and winFor we're the HarlequinsWe never weaken till the final whistles blowsLike the Harlequins of oldWe're strong and we're boldFor we're the harle (the pink and the blue)We're the Harlequins

11. “Perverts of the nation“ to the tune of U.S Marine Corp Anthem • We have a reputation.. For seducing little boys. • and for raping old aged pensioners. • and for stealing kiddies toys . • we are the perverts of the nation • we are the worst you’ve ever seen • we are a shower of foul mouthed bastards . • we are the Hangzhou rugby team!

12. “Chicago“ • Everyone:OH I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO, AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE, I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO, I DON'T WORK ANYMORE • Speaker: One day.. A lady came into the store asking for…(eg: A Chicken! ) • Everyone: (A CHICKEN?)… FROM THE STORE? • Speaker: (A Chicken) ..she wanted, (My Cock)..she got! • Everyone: OHHHHHHH I DON'T WORK ANYMORE! • OH I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE, I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO, I DON'T WORK ANYMORE Other "Inappropriate" Reponses: • Carpet she wanted, shag she got. Nail she wanted, screw she got. Fishing rod she wanted, my pole she got. Meat she wanted, my sausage she got. Helicopter she wanted, my chopper she got. Camel she wanted, a hump she got. A Kit Kat she wanted, four fingers she got. Fuck she wanted, fuck she got.

13. “I wish that all the ladies“ and so on...Were pies on a shelf. And I was the bakerI’d eat them all myself. Were statues of Venus.‘Cause then they’d have no arms.To push away my penis.Were holes in the road.And I was a dumptruck.I’d fill’emwith my load. Were sheep grazing grass.And I was a Welshman.I’d shag’em up the Ass.Were bricks in a pile.And I was a BuilderI’d lay’em all in style. Were jockeys in a race And I was the saddle They’d sit upon my face. • Leader: I wish that all the ladies.Group: I wish that all the ladies. • Leader: Were bells in a tower.Group: Were bells in a tower. • Leader: And I was the bell boy.Group: And I was the bell boy.Leader: I'd Bang'em every hour.Group: I'd Bang'em every hour. • ChorusLeader: Singing HAY BOP A LOO BOPGroup: HAY BOP A LOO BOPLeader: HAY BOP A LOO BOPGroup: HAY BOP A LOO BOPand so on...I wish that all the ladies • Were buns in the oven. • And I was the bakerI’d cream’em by the dozen.

14. “Alouette“ • Everyone: Alouette, GentilleAlouette.Alouette, GentillePlumerai..... • Speaker: Oh I love her....Curly Top • Everyone: HER CURLY TOP! • Speaker: She’s Aloette!! • Everyone: SHES ALOETTE!!! Everyone:Alouette, gentilleAlouette.Alouette, gentilleplumerai..... Speaker: Oh I love her Big Fore-Head Everyone: HER BIG FORE-HEAD!! Speaker: AND Curly Top! Everyone: AND CURLY TOP!! Speaker: ShesAloette!!! Everyone: SHES ALOETTE!!!! And So on with ..Mono-Brow..TwoCrossed eyes….Broken Nose..Moustache..HairLip..Two Front Teeth..Double Chin...BIG FAT TITS!..

15. “The Days of the week“ • Speaker: Today is Monday!! • Everyone: TODAY IS MONDAY! • Speaker: Monday is a WORKING day • Everyone: MONDAY IS A WORKING DAY!!! Speaker : So are you feeling good today?!Everyone: YOU BET YOUR ASS WE ARE!! ( A silly dance to DaDadadadadadada. DaDAdadadadadada Speaker: Today is Tuesday!! Everyone: TODAY IS TUESDAY!!! Speaker: Tuesdays a (licking)MMMmmmm day!!! Everyone: TUESDAYS A (Licking)MMMMmm day!! Speaker: Mondays a Working day Everyone: MONDAYS A WORKING DAY. Speaker: So are you feeling good today?! Everyone: YOU BET YOUR ASS WE ARE!! And So on with ..Wednesday is a Wanking day ..Thursday is a Drinking Day..BOTTOMS UP!...Friday is a Fucking Day… Saturdays a rugby Day!!..Sunday is a holy day..BUT SATURDAYS A RUGBY DAY!!

16. “Father Abraham“ • Everyone: FAAther Abraham! Had seven Sons.. • Seven Sons had father Abraham • And they never laughed. And they never cried. And all they did was go like this… Speaker: And to my left!! ( All black HAKA type slap of Left elbow) • Everyone: AND TO MY LEFT!! (All black HAKA type slap of Left elbow) • Everyone: (moving left arm in and out from chest) FAAther Abraham! Had seven Sons.. • Seven Sons had father Abraham • And they never laughed. And they never cried. And all they did was go like this… • Speaker: And to my left, and to my RIGHT! (All black HAKA type slap of Right elbow) • Everyone: AND TO MY RIGHT!! (All black HAKA type slap of Right elbow) • Everyone: (moving left arm and right arm in and out from chest) FAAther Abraham! Had seven Sons.. • Seven Sons had father Abraham • And they never laughed. An they never cried. And all they did was go like this… And So on with ..Left Leg stamp..Right Leg stamp..Lying on backs legs in and out..tops off, arms to the sky…..trousers down, hips thrust.

17. “If I were the marrying kind“ Other verses: Prop: Support a hooker2nd Row : grab Crotch, sniff ButtFlanker: get off quickNo. 8: hold until you comeScrumhalf: put it in, grab ballsFlyhalf: whip it out, call shotsCenters: look for the hole, pass outWing: go hard, never get it, come too fast.Fullback: kick balls, get fucked, find touchAny Forward: get strippedAny Back: get laidScrum: go downRule Book: get violatedShorts: go up your buttHalftime Orange: get suckedMouthguard: get licked, get suckedSpectator: get to watchSpectator on a rainy day: come in rubber, be wetSpectator on a sunny day: come againGoal Posts: get split, stand erectCleats: get screwedGroundskeeper: trim bush, do linesWhistle: get blownBoot:: come in boxes, get tied upBall: strapped in leather, get touched, get pumpedPitch: grow weed, be hardTeam from far away: come for hoursTeam on a bus: get offDrunk Team: get fucked up • I were the marrying kindWhich thank the lord I'm not, sirthe kind of rugger I would wedwould be a rugby ..... • Example: (team points to the hooker. Hooker puts beer on top of head)HOOKER: Hooker sir! • GROUP: Why sir? • HOOKER:'cause I'd swipe balls, and you'd swipe ballswe'd all swipe balls togetherwe'd be alright in the middle of the nightswiping balls together • GROUP:If I were the marrying kindWhich thank the lord I'm not, sirthe kind of rugger I would wedwould be a rugby .....

18. “Yogi Bear“ Other verses: Yogi's got a "girlfriend," Suzi, SUZISuzi, Suzi Bear. Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum, CAMMUMCammum, Camembert. Booboo likes it on the fridge, polar, POLARPolar, polar bear. Suzi hates it up the ass, something, SOMETHINGSomethingshe can't bear. Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum, CUCUMCucum, cucumber. Yogi likes to shave his pubes, grizzly, GRIZZLYGrizzly, grizzly bare. Booboo’s boyfriend has no teeth, gummy, GUMMYGummy, gummy bear • I know a bear that you all know,Yogi, YOGI,I know a bear that you all know,Yogi, Yogi Bear. • YOGI, YOGI BEAR,YOGI, YOGI BEAR,I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW,YOGI, YOGI BEAR. • Yogi's got a little "friend,"Booboo, BOOBOO,Yogi's got a little "friend,"Booboo, Booboo Bear • BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE "FRIEND,"BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR

19. “…..Is a horses ass..“ • (Persons name (Persons name) (Persons name)..Is a horses Ass • He looks like a horses ass. • He smells like a horses ass. • He is a horses ass. • (Repeat til drink is drunk!!).

20. “Born so beautiful“ • Why was he born so beautifulWhy was he born at allHe’s no fucking use to anyoneHe’s no fucking use at all • He should be publicly pissed on,He should be publicly shot (bang, bang),He should be tied to a urinal,And left to fester and rot.So, DRINK motherfucker, DRINK, • DRINK, motherfucker DRINK, • DRINKDRINKDRINKDRINK • (chant lasts until he finishes)

21. “Shoot the Boot/Shoot the Condom“ • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE CONDOM • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT • SHOOT THE BOOT