Listening to Learn

1. ListeningtoLearn “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway

2. The most important leadership skill is Communication. • The most important communication skill is Listening. • Have you ever been in a situation where people weren’t listening? • Or you thought they were, but they misunderstood? • Or perhaps you misunderstood? • Or perhaps you understood what they said, but you didn’t fully appreciate the importance to them? • Do you know how to listen effectively? Do you think you could improve your skills? • Effective listening is key to many of the other leadership skills, so it is the first one taught in Wood Badge. • “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” • Ernest Hemingway

3. Let’s talk about a recent trip or vacation!

4. Divide the group into pairs. Appoint a speaker and a listener in each pair. Give each of the listeners one instruction card. The listener will keep the cards message hidden from the speaker. Instruct the speakers to talk for a minute or two to their listener about a recent trip or vacation. Pair Listener1 “Interrupt the Speaker” 2 “Give advice before he or she is done” 3 “Give the speaker a blank look” 4 “Be bored”

5. Speakers - How did the reaction of your listener affect you?

6. Speakers - How did the listeners affect how you spoke?

7. Listeners - How did your speaker respond to listening behavior?

8. Listeners - How did the speakers affect the way you listened? • Being a good listener is equally as important as being a good speaker. • Listening is an important part of communication. • Yet we take it for granted. Talking is natural. Listening is unnatural, and requires skill and effort. We don’t teach listening skills in our schools. Has anyone ever taken a course on Listening? • Today we’re going to use listening as a tool for learning & leadership.

9. Why is Listening a Key Skill of Leadership? Listening is a primary means for connecting with other people.

10. #1 Listening connects us with other people allowing us to share ideas & experiences and creates a pool of familiarity among us. From that grows trust, understanding, and an awareness of strengths and skills - the building blocks of friendship and teamwork. Listening can be especially powerful when young people are involved. Many people of Scouting age find it unusual to have adults truly pay attention to them. Having people listen to them with care and understanding can be very meaningful for young people and also for the adults.

11. Why is Listening a Key Skill of Leadership? Listening provides the means to make decisions and solve problems.

12. #2 Listening is the glue that holds a team together. It is the doorway through which ideas pass. It is the window in which solutions appear. (Steve Covey sums up the essence of listening as…)

13. “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.” Steven Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

14. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” There are two parts of Effective Listening.

15. Two Parts of Effective ListeningActive Listening and Empathetic Listening

16. Active and Empathetic How might you define Active Listening?

17. Two parts of Effective listeningActive listeningReflects what a person is saying to confirm comprehension

18. reflects what a person is saying to confirm comprehension. “What I understand you to be saying is this……” By rephrasingthe information and bouncing it back to the speaker, the listener confirms that the message has been correctly received. Listeners doing this are not making value judgements. They are simply making sure they are hearing what the speakers have to say, and they are letting the speakers know that their messages are getting through. How might you define Empathetic Listening?

19. Two Parts of Effective ListeningEmpathetic Listening;Is a sincere attempt on the part of the listener to understand, in depth, what a speaker is saying.

20. …...is a sincere attempt on the part of the listener to understand in depth what a speaker is saying. Empathetic Listening requires Listeners to… next slide

21. Empathetic Listening requires listeners to…. Put themselves in the speakers place.

22. Empathetic Listening requires listeners to…. Put themselves in the speakers place.

23. Empathetic Listening requires listeners to... • Put themselves in the speakers place. • Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view.

24. Empathetic Listening requires listeners to... • Put themselves in the speakers place. • Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view.

25. Empathetic Listening requires listeners to... • Put themselves in the speakers place. • Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view. • Try to understand how the speaker feels.

26. Read slide Empathetic Listening requires listeners to... • Put themselves in the speakers place. • Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view. • Try to understand how the speaker feels. • Empathetic listeners pay attention to more than just the words they hear. They also take care to notice a speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and emotional sense and consider them as part of the message package speaker is sending. • Effective listening is both… • next slide

27. Effective listening Is Active and Empathetic “Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do morelisteningthan talking.”Bernard Baruch

28. Effective listening is ACTIVE AND EMPATHETIC (“Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do morelisteningthan talking.”Bernard Baruch”)

29. Practice Effective Listening Exercise Effective Listening Become great at Effective listening

30. 1. Go back to “Speaker”/”Listener” pairs. Have them switch roles. 2. For several minutes, the speakers will talk about something they enjoy such as a hobby, a sport, or a family activity. 3. The listeners will try out different listening styles. 4. Listeners and speakers trade roles and repeat the exercise. Let’s talk about some things that effect our listening.

32. How do we respond when we are hearing something we don’t want to hear? When a speaker is angry? When we are tired or hungry? A key to effective listening is being aware of our current situation, energy level, and interest. If we are upset about something, it may affect how we listen. Being drowsy will definitely affect our attention span. Are you chilly, too hot, late for another appointment/ Being aware of our own state of hearing awareness can help us adjust to better grasp the message of a speaker. It may be a matter of focusing more on what is being said. Often, though, it may require calling a time-out so that you can put on a sweater, have a bite to eat, take care of distracting matters, or let your emotions cool. Then you can get back together with the speaker under conditions that are more conducive to good listening. Of course, we cannot tailor every listening situation to be ideal. We often find ourselves in situations with others that make communication difficult. However, good listening skills are powerful tools for calming adversarial situations and finding solutions to problems. Let’s see how this works.

33. ROLE PLAY Can you hear me, can you hear me now ?

34. Role Play - Listening in Adversarial Situations Ask a volunteer to play the role of a Scout who is angry about the way others in his unit are treating him. The Troop Guide plays the part of a Scout leader. 1. As the “Scout” expresses his complaints and frustrations, the “Scout leader” uses the skills of good listening to acknowledge that the message is being received. “I got it,” is an appropriate response. So is, “This is what I hear you saying…….” Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but offer no judgement or feedback. It is very likely that the Scout will focus on the negative, complaining about what he or she doesn’t like. That’s fine, it is often the way people who are upset express themselves. 2. The Scout leader says, “I hear what you don’t want. Now tell me what you do want.” Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but focus now on positive aspects of the situation rather than negative ones.

35. HOW DID WE DO?

36. Discussion of “Adversarial Situations” • Have participants discuss what they observed in the “Listening in Adversarial Situations” role play. In addition to their comments, include in the discussion the following ideas. • Speakers respond to how others listen to them. Acknowledge but don’t immediately judge their complaints (“I got it…”). If there is not enabling by a listener, complaints will seem smaller and ultimately more manageable. I got it! -- IPO presentation... • By taking a negative and flipping it around to a positive, a listener can also structure a more productive framework for finding solutions. (“I hear what you don’t want. Now tell me what you do want.”) • A conversation cast in a positive light naturally involves more empathy and support. Body language of listeners and speakers becomes more open, and chances for resolution are greatly enhanced. • One thing you can do is…next slide

37. Listeners should always strive to create.. a POSITIVE present As opposed to a NEGATIVE past

38. Listeners should always strive to create a positive presentas opposed to a negative past Let’s talk about feedback. Next slide

40. Receiving feedback can sometimes be difficult. However, by using effective listening skills, a feedback situation may be turned into a positive experience. • Have you ever had someone give you advice about something? How did it feel to be receiving feedback? • Have you ever been in a position to tell people how they can do something better or how they might make a positive change in their behavior? How did it feel to be offering feedback? • From time to time, all of us find ourselves giving and receiving feedback. It is a basic part of team development, of leadership, and of friendships. • For feedback to be helpful, both parties we must use the skills of effective listening.

41. Listening is the key element in giving and receiving feedback

42. (read the slide) Listening is the key element in giving and receiving feedback • Now we are going to look at • Tips on Giving Feedback (flip slide)

43. Tips on Giving Feedback “Helping someone is what life is all about.”Willie StargellBe Helpful

44. Tips on Giving Feedback Consider your motives. Feedback should always be helpful; otherwise, there is no reason to offer it. (“Helping someone is what life is all about.”Willie Stargell)

45. Tips on Giving Feedback Is recipient open to feedback? How would you know ASK!!

46. Tips on Giving Feedback 2. Find out if the other people involved are open to receiving feedback. Listen carefully, then rephrase what they say to be sure you understand them.

47. Tips on Giving Feedback Deal only with changeable behavior. “Change brings opportunity.” NidoQubein

48. Tips on Giving Feedback Deal only with behavior that can be changed (Change brings opportunity.” NidoQubein )

49. Tips on Giving Feedback Deal with specifics, not generalities.

50. Tips on Giving Feedback 4. Deal with specifics, not generalities