Stress and Crisis in Relationships: Managing and Overcoming Challenges

1. CHAPTER 14 Stress and Crisis in Relationships

2. Chapter 14: Stress and Crisis in RelationshipsIntroduction • Quote: Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. • Albert Einstein (to his son) • Discussion: • What is the purpose of stress? What are advantages and disadvantages of stress? What are some common stress inducers for students?

3. Chapter 14: Stress and Crisis in RelationshipsChapter Outline • Personal Stress and Crisis Events • Positive Stress-Management Strategies • Family Crisis Examples • Marriage and Family Therapy • The Future of Stress and Crisis in Relationships

4. Personal Stress and Crisis Events • Stress is a reaction of the body to substantial or unusual demands • Irritability, high blood pressure, and depression • Crisis is a crucial situation that requires changes in normal patterns of behavior • A family crisis is a situation that upsets the normal functioning of the family and requires a new set of responses to the stressor

5. Personal Stress and Crisis Events • Sources of stress and crises can be external or internal • Stressors or crises may be expected or unexpected • Stress and crises are normal parts of family life

6. Resilient Families • Key factors that promote family resiliency • Positive outlook • Spirituality • Flexibility • Connectedness • Clarity • Open emotional sharing • ABCX Model of Family Stress

7. Positive Stress-Management Strategies • Scaling back and restructuring family roles • Choosing a positive perspective • Exercise • Family cohesion, friends, and and relatives • Love • Religion and spirituality • Laughter and play • Sleep • Pets

8. Harmful Stress-Management Strategies • Keeping feelings inside • Taking out frustration on or blaming others • Denying or avoiding the problem • Men are more likely to use potentially harmful strategies • Using alcohol • Keeping feelings inside • Keeping others from knowing how bad the situation is

9. Family Crisis Examples • Physical Illness and Disability • Mental Illness • Middle Age Crazy (Midlife Crisis) • Extramarital Affair • Unemployment • Alcohol/ Substance Abuse • Death of Family Member

10. Physical Illness and Disability • Treatment options • Physical effects following surgery • Psychological effects following surgery • Evaluation

11. Mental Illness • Alterations in thinking, mood or behavior that are associated with distress and impaired function • Eight percent of adults 18-29 have a serious mental illness • Higher rates of marital disruption in couples in which one or both individuals suffer from mental illness

12. Middle Age Crazy (Midlife Crisis) • In a 10-year study of close to 8,000 U.S. adults ages 25-74, most individuals reported the middle years brought no crisis at all. • 23% reported a crisis in their lives. • Those who experienced a crisis were going through a divorce. • 2/3rds were accepting of getting older. • 1/3rd felt some personal turmoil related to the aging process.

13. Extramarital Affair • Affairs are of different types, which may include the following: • Brief encounter • Paid sex • Instrumental or utilitarian affair • Coping mechanism • Paraphiliac affairs • Office romance • Internet use

14. Extramarital Affair • In one study of undergraduate students • 21% admitted to cheating on a partner • 39% stated that a partner had cheated on them • Men are more upset if their wife has a heterosexual affair while women are more upset if their husband has a homosexual affair.

15. Extramarital Affair

16. Reasons for Extramarital Affairs • Variety, novelty, and excitement • Workplace friendships • Relationships dissatisfaction • Sexual dissatisfaction • Revenge • Homosexual relationship • Aging • Absence from partner

17. Revealing One’s Affair by Confession/ Partner Snooping • In person (38%) • Over the phone (38%) • By a third partner (12%) • Via e-mail (6%) • By text message (6%) • Snooping – investigating (without the partner’s knowledge or permission) a romantic partner’s private communication motivated by concern that the partner may be hiding something. • Of 268 undergraduates, 66% reported having snooped.

18. Effects of an Affair • Emotional consequences • Economic consequences • Alienation of Affection – lawsuits which give a spouse the right to sue a third party for taking the affections of a spouse away. • Legal in 6 states (Hawaii, Illinois, New Mexico, North Carolina, Mississippi, South Dakota, and Utah) • Medical consequences

19. Successful Recovery from Infidelity • Motivation to stay together • Taking joint responsibility • Forgiveness, counseling, and not referring to the event again • Vicarious learning • Feeling pride in coming through a difficult experience

20. Prevention of Infidelity • The primary factor predictive of infidelity is a negative pattern of interaction. • Spouses least vulnerable are in loving, communicative relationships where each affirms the other. • Some couples feel an open marriage is the answer to being unfaithful.

21. Unemployment • In early 2014, the unemployment rate in the U.S. was 6.6. • Society expects men to be the primary breadwinners in the family. • Society equates masculine self-worth and identity with job and income • A woman’s identity is less tied to her work.

22. Alcohol/ Substance Abuse • Substance abuse • Health and medical problems • Legal problems • Loss of employment • Financial ruin • School failure • Emotionally distant relationships • Divorce

23. Death of Family Member • Death of one’s child • Can lead to relationship conflict and unhappiness • Spouses need to be patient and practice tolerance in allowing both to grieve in their own way • Death of one’s parent • Chronic sorrow

24. Suicide of a Family Member • Characteristics of people most likely to commit suicide • 15 to 19 years old • Homosexual • Male • Family history of suicide • Mood disorder • Substance abuse • Past history of child abuse and/or parental sex abuse • “Permanent solutions to a temporary problem” • Survivors of Suicide

25. Marriage and Family Therapy • Signs that a couple should consider therapy • Feeling distant • Not wanting to or being unable to communicate with your partner • Avoiding each other • Feeling depressed • Drifting into a relationship with someone else • Increased drinking • Privately contemplating separation or breaking up

26. Availability of Marriage and Family Therapists • Around 50,000 marriage and family therapists in the U.S. • Can be medical doctors, nurses, psychologists, social workers, professional counselors • American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) • Cost is worth it if divorce can be avoided.

27. Variety of Approaches to Couple Therapy • More than 20 different approaches are used. • Behavioral Couple Therapy (BCT) • Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) • Telerelationship Therapy

28. Some Caveats about Marriage and Family Therapy • Sometimes makes the marriage worse • Saying things a spouse can’t forget • Feeling hopeless at not being able to resolve a problem • Feeling resentment over new demands a spouse makes in therapy • Unrealistic picture from the therapist • Not a quick and easy fix

29. The Future of Stress and Crisis in Relationships • Stress and crisis will continue to be a part of relationships. • A major source of stress will be economic. • Most relationship partners will show resilience to rise above whatever crisis happens.

30. Quick Quiz • A reaction of the body to substantial or unusual demands is called: • resiliency • crisis • burnout • stress

31. Quick Quiz • Stress is a: • process • crisis • state • reaction

32. Quick Quiz • Who is most adversely affected by a spouse's illness? • the ill spouse • the ill spouse's children • the healthy spouse • their parents

33. Quick Quiz • A law that allows for a spouse to sue a third party for taking away the affections of a spouse is called the: • Coolidge Effect • Alienation of Affection • Extradyadic Involvement • Palliative Care

34. Quick Quiz • Drug use is most prevalent among which age group? • 12- to 17-year olds • 18- to 25-year olds • 26- to 34-year olds • 35- to 40-year olds