JUNE CARLO L. BANGOT

1. INATAY: LIFESTYLE DOMAINS OF SINGLE PARENTS SAJID JOSEPH B. TIONGCO JUNE CARLO L. BANGOT NONA GRACE P. JAVIER SAIDAMIN P. BAGOLONG

2. SULTAN HASANAL BOLKIAH GRAND MOSQUE COTABATO CITY STATE POLYTECHNIC COLLEGE

3. Background • Parenting behaviors are known to have a major impact on childhood but it has proven difficult to isolate the specific mechanism of influence (Johnson, et. al., 2012). • The idea of single parenting is a very sensitive issue in family system. It brings risk factor for emotional and behavioral problems in children and adolescents (Siddiqui and Saabera, 2011).

4. Background • Single parent family may be defined as "A family comprising of a single mother or father having their own dependent children". The single parent family is created in a number of ways, may be death of one parent, divorce, separation due to job or service condition of the spouse (Joshi and Aradhana, 2013). • Thus, the family structure for single parenting on child’s outcomes has potentially adverse effects like lower educational attainment and greater psychological distress, as well as poor adult outcomes in areas such as employment, income, and marital status (Woessmann, 2015).

5. Background • It is in this context that the researchers were motivated to explore the lifestyles of single parents or inatay (ina or mother and tatay or father) in terms of four domains such role, rule, ritual and relationship. • Also, this study will determine their realizations and aspirations as single parents.

6. Framework • This study is based on a theory where individuals are best understood in the context of the family system (Minuchin, 1985 as cited by Lester and Flake, 2013). • This means that interactions between parents and children are bidirectional—that is, family members influence and modify one another (Sameroff, 1994 as cited by Lester and Flake, 2013). • Thus, each family member's experiences and reactions will reverberate throughout the system, say, individual distress, such as a combat-related mental health problem, may affect parenting practices, marital relationships, or extended family support (Lester and Flake, 2013). • Attachment theory describes how children develop a sense of security from their earliest experiences with a care-giving parent—specifically, how the parent provides protection and comfort in the context of threat (Bowlby, 1997 as cited by Lester and Flake, 2013).

7. Method • This study utilized the descriptive-qualitative research method using collective case study. • A total of 5 single parents whose roles they occupy are student, professor, receptionist and technician were selected. Interview guide questions was framed for data collection. • For valid reliable interpretation of data, content analysis was employed.

8. Findings • Lifestyle Domains of Inatay • Participant 1 said that she has been a single parent for almost 12 years and the reason why she became a single parent is that her relationship with her boyfriend (the father of her son) simply did not work. Realizing that she would be raising her son alone at first made her feel nervous. She was afraid at first but then later on, she realized that it was not difficult and her nervousness faded away. Although she and her son already have adjusted to the situation, there are times that her son would ask her about the situation and some information about his father. But according to her, whenever her son asks these questions, she tells him the truth. She also had outside help in raising her son and that is her family.

9. Findings • Lifestyle Domains of Inatay • Participant 2, meanwhile, said that he has been a single parent for almost 3 years. He did not marry the mother of his child because of some misunderstanding. He found it challenging knowing that he will be raising his child alone. When asked how did he and his daughter adjusted to the situation, he said it was not that easy. Though he explained the situation to his daughter, he knew his daughter would not be able to understand it right away. As a result, his daughter won’t go near him and would only ask for her mother. But now that his daughter got used to him already since she is already living with her father, everything became okay. He admitted that of his parents, his daughter will grow up as a good girl.

10. Findings • Lifestyle Domains of Inatay • Participant 3, on the other hand, has been a single parent for almost 17 years. She had been acting the role of inatay since her eldest up to her youngest. The reason, according to her, is that her relationship with the fathers of her children simply didn’t work because of misunderstanding. She thought at first, it would be difficult. But understanding became the key for her and her children to adjust to the situation. Besides, she has her parents who assisted her in rearing her children.

11. Findings • Lifestyle Domains of Inatay • Just like Participant 2, participant 4 also has been a single parent for almost 3 years. They also had misunderstanding with the father of her child so they decided to break up. The first time she knew, she would be raising her daughter alone, she felt happy as long as she will be taking the custody of her child although she was worried about her studies as well as the financial resources. She worried about how she would raise the child because she doesn’t have money to support her. Right now, the child still doesn’t know about the situation and still thinks that she still has a father. She manages to raise her child alone without any help from other people.

12. Findings • Lifestyle Domains of Inatay • Participant 5 has been a single parent for a year. According to him, they separated with the mother of his son because of third party. She left him for someone else and so they broke up. It was difficult for him as he felt lonely at first reminiscing of the first time he knew he would be raising the child alone. His son also doesn’t have an idea with the situation and doesn’t know that he doesn’t have a mother. It a good thing that he receives support from his family and relatives in raising his child.

13. Findings • Realizations and Aspirations of Inatay • Raising a child alone for participant 1 is a very difficult and challenging task yet very fulfilling because she said, her situation led her to think of only one and that is her son and added that nothing compares to if you only have one to focus on. For her, it’s very important to have someone to talk to, to have someone around because it’s very hard to be the only one accepting responsibilities. Also, it’s important to always think positive and not to be selfish. She always thinks that her actions are for him [her son] and that’s her way of thinking, that’s why she can say that everything is bearable as a single parent.

14. Findings • Realizations and Aspirations of Inatay • For participant 2, life with his son despite being a single parent is more enjoyable compared to the time that he doesn’t have yet a child. His coping mechanism is to always strive hard in facing every challenge. • Her life as a single parent is described by participant 3 as difficult but enjoyable. But, she’s still happy despite her being a single mom. • However, participant 4 doesn’t feel the same way. She feels tired being a single parent especially whenever her child gets sick and the father of her child is not around. When asked about her coping strategies, she verbalized “I need to accept it as it is. I just make my life right so that it won’t be different from others” with a sigh.

15. Findings • Realizations and Aspirations of Inatay • Finally, participant 5 described his situation as a single parent as difficult and lonesome because he doesn’t have a partner in taking care of his child. Asking for advice from family members particularly his sister and relatives are the ways he does to cope up with his situation. • As single parents, it can be observed that they don’t have any regrets because although their life as single parents are very challenging, still they are willing to embrace it. Their aspirations are to be able to successfully perform their dual roles to their children.

16. Conclusion • The researchers conclude that the roles of single parents often revolve around their families, their everyday affairs are focused into taking care of their child/children, their roles in the community and their social life are most of the time deferred by their family affairs. • In the same way, single parents are mostly concerned with making and imposing rules inside the family. • When it comes to rituals, single parents perform basic rituals such as sharing meals together, gathering on special occasions and most especially, performing their spiritual obligations during Sundays. • They have less involvement in the community’s activities and only seldom hang out with friends. • Positive relationships within the family, circle of friends and the community are maintained by single parents despite their limited involvement in the social and community affairs. Thus, single parents believed that the only way for a successful parenting should be established and maintained through respect within family and community.

17. References Bowlby, John “Attachment and Loss,” vol. 1, Attachment (1969; repr., London: Pimlico, 1997); John Bowlby, Attachment and Loss, vol. 3, Loss, Sadness and Depression (New York: Basic Books, 1980). Johnson, Rachel, et al. "Parenting Styles and Home Obesogenic Environments."International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 9.4 (2012): 1411-26. ProQuest. Web. 27 May 2016. Siddiqui, Rizwana Zahid, and Saabera Sultana. "Single parenting a risk factor for depression in adolescents." Pakistan Journal of Psychology 42.1 (2011). Joshi, Sarita, and Aradhana Shukla. "PARENTING TYPE AFFECTOR OF PARENTAL EXPECTATION." Social Science International 29.2 (2013): 207-13. ProQuest.Web. 27 May 2016. Lester, Patricia, and E. Flake. "How Wartime Military Service Affects Children and Families." The Future of Children 23.2 (2013)ProQuest. Web. 27 May 2016. Minuchin, Patricia "Families and Individual Development: Provocations from the Field of Family Therapy," Child Development 56 (1985): 289–302; Martha J. Cox and Blair Paley, "Families as Systems," Annual Review of Psychology 48, no. 1 (1997): 243–67, doi: 10.1146/annurev.psych.48.1.243. Sameroff, Arnold "Developmental Systems and Family Functioning," in Exploring Family Relationships with Other Social Contexts, ed. Ross D. Parke and Sheppard G. Kellam (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1994), 199–214; Glen H. Elder Jr., "War Mobilization and the Life Course: A Cohort of World War II Veterans," Sociological Forum 2 (1987): 449–72, doi: 10.1007/BF01106621. Woessmann, Ludger. "An International Look at the Single-Parent Family." Education Next 15.2 (2015) ProQuest. Web. 27 May 2016.

18. Shukran for Listening… SAIDAMIN P. BAGOLONG, DPA saidamin_bagolong@umindanao.edu.ph 09057284346