Slide1 l.jpg
This presentation is the property of its rightful owner.
Sponsored Links
1 / 40

I’m Listening PowerPoint PPT Presentation

  • Uploaded on
  • Presentation posted in: General

Marjorie Shore M.S.W. The Coaching Clinic [email protected] 416-787-5555 I’m Listening. Learning Objectives. Enhance leadership ability Review coaching skills Key skills: Coaching relationship Process Communication

Download Presentation

I’m Listening

An Image/Link below is provided (as is) to download presentation

Download Policy: Content on the Website is provided to you AS IS for your information and personal use and may not be sold / licensed / shared on other websites without getting consent from its author.While downloading, if for some reason you are not able to download a presentation, the publisher may have deleted the file from their server.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - E N D - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Presentation Transcript

Slide1 l.jpg

Marjorie Shore M.S.W.

The Coaching Clinic

[email protected]


I’m Listening

Slide2 l.jpg

Learning Objectives

  • Enhance leadership ability

  • Review coaching skills

  • Key skills:

    • Coaching relationship

    • Process

    • Communication

    • Listen in order to script motivating messages

    • Giving and getting feedback

    • Participative and empathetic listening

    • Ask the right question with a positive and motivating script

Leading vs managing l.jpg


Aim is positive change

Setting direction

Aligning people to vision



Leading vs. Managing

  • Managing

  • Aim is predictable, orderly results

    • Organizing

    • Staffing

    • Planning

    • Budgeting

    • Solving problems

Managers are responsible for implementing a plan.

Leaders grow the dream and enroll people to help achieve it.

Focus on your goals l.jpg

Focus on your Goals

  • If we were meeting here three years from today and all was going very well in your coaching role, how would you describe your vision of you as a coach?

  • Describe what you see as if through the lens of a camera.

Definitions coaching counseling mentoring training l.jpg

Definitions: Coaching, Counseling, Mentoring, & Training

  • Coaching focuses on improving skills.

    • Can address issues of know how, know when, know why, motivation, time, distraction, priorities, support.

  • Counseling is coaching that focuses on peace

    of mind.

  • Mentoring is coaching about career and relationships with people and the organization.

  • Training is skill building from the ground up.

    “Coaching is cultivation, like gardening” Peter Senge

Coaching process one model l.jpg

Coaching Process – One Model

  • Prepare in Advance

  • Agree on Goals

  • Be a Map Maker

  • Coach

  • Review and Decide Next Steps

  • Dissolve Contract

Five ways to communicate better l.jpg

Five Ways to Communicate Better

  • Consider compromise.

  • Another person's view of reality may be as real as your own.

  • Never assume that you know what the other person is thinking, or what they have done.

  • Check out your assumptions.

    • Ask questions.

    • Do not correct another's statement of his/her feelings.

  • Be specific when you introduce a comment.

Five more ways to communicate better l.jpg

Five More Ways to Communicate Better

6. Ask for a reasonable change.

7. Try substituting "and" for "but".

  • "But" tends to negate anything that went


  • "And" includes both sides of the statement.

    8. Ensure that your body language is congruent with

    your message.

    9. When receiving constructive feedback, consider it

    carefully and with a balanced approach.

    10. Remember that others’ opinions of you are not always true.

Listening skills l.jpg

Listening Skills

  • Be physically attentive to be charismatic.

    • Don’t do anything else; just listen.

    • Make eye contact; smile.

    • Use vocal acknowledgment:

      • Words like “Yes, go on.”

      • Be curious.

    • Don’t judge; prepare a response or analyze.

Listening skills10 l.jpg

Listening Skills

  • Participate to acknowledge you’ve heard.

    • Clarify; ensure you have the same understanding

      of words and concepts.

    • Paraphrase; ask if they agree with your understanding.

      e.g., “If I understand you correctly . . . ” or

      “It sounds like . . .”

    • Confirm that you are both agree on the same definition

      of the problem.

Active listening l.jpg

Active Listening

Role models l.jpg

Role Models

  • Active listening appears to be a hidden ingredient of success in the workplace.

  • Think about a few successful people you have known.

  • When and how do they demonstrate active listening?

Being present l.jpg

Being Present

  • Emotions distract people in the workplace.

  • To work, to learn, and to create community,

    we must be present.

  • Being present means being aware and in control of your emotions.

  • Listen to your inner thoughts and uncover if there are any that are distracting you now.

Being present14 l.jpg

Being Present

  • Close your eyes.

  • Create an image that represents distraction.

  • Give it color, shape and texture.

  • Change it to something that would help you be present today.

Empathic listening l.jpg

Empathic Listening

  • Listen for feelings and undertones.

    • Let the person speak.

    • Look for clues in body language.

    • Check for meaning whenever you don't understand.

    • Ask clarifying questions (sparingly) to help ensure shared understanding.

    • Be patient.

Talk to your partner l.jpg

Talk to your Partner

  • When you are the talker . . . TALK.

  • When you are the listener . . . LISTEN.


    • No talking

    • No opinions

    • No solutions

    • No judgments

Questions for a cosmic date l.jpg

Questions for a Cosmic Date

  • Who loves you and how do you know?

  • What do you do for fun?

  • What gives you a sense of worth?

  • Tell me about a change?

Listening to others exercise self evaluation l.jpg

Listening to Others Exercise Self-Evaluation

  • How did it feel being the speaker?

  • How did it feel being the listener?

  • Which was easier for you?

  • Why?

  • What is the most useful or important thing you have learned about listening?

Giving and getting feedback exercise l.jpg

Giving and Getting Feedback Exercise

  • What are the advantages of asking for feedback?

  • What reasons prevent us from asking for feedback?

  • What are the risks in giving criticism or negative feedback?

  • What can go wrong when feedback or criticism is avoided?

Giving and getting feedback l.jpg

Giving and Getting Feedback

  • Feedback is useful.

    • Opens opportunities to improve;

  • Constructive feedback:

    • Offers options;

    • Improves self-awareness;

    • Encourages learning.

The feedback dilemma l.jpg

The Feedback Dilemma

  • Personal improvement depends on discovering and correcting mistakes.

    • Either by seeing the error or understanding what went wrong.

  • But we …

    • Ignore evidence when it causes trouble, pain or requires action.

    • Avoid the potential pain of “feeding back” to others.

Tips for asking for feedback l.jpg

Tips for Asking for Feedback

  • Who?: Invite feedback from people you trust

    and respect.

  • What?: Ask for constructive feedback or

    more details.

  • When?: Soon and when a considered and

    constructive response is possible.

  • How?: Direct action will usually get respect.

  • Why?: Opens up honesty, gets new ideas, gets a new perspective, improves relationships.

Tips for receiving feedback l.jpg

Tips for Receiving Feedback

  • Listen to what is being said; not what you think is implied.

  • Acknowledge that you have heard and understood.

  • Evaluate the feedback: valid?, invalid? or a put-down?

    • Deal with put-downs right away.

    • Accept valid criticisms graciously.

    • Deal with invalid criticisms directly.

  • Parse: acknowledge what you agree with; separate and deal with what you don’t agree with.

Tips for giving feedback l.jpg

Tips for Giving Feedback

  • Set up rapport: Don’t burst; warm up first.

  • Positive with negative: Most people will respond better to a combination with positive first.

  • Be specific: Comment on observable behavior with examples to provide learning and options.

  • Empathize: See it from their point of view.

  • Keep calm: Use a steady and even voice, eye contact, body language consistent with the message.

  • Allow the other person space: Give the feedback. Don’t take responsibility for acceptance.

Tips for giving feedback25 l.jpg

Tips for Giving Feedback

  • Take ownership of the feedback: Say “I think” not “you are”.

  • Criticize behavior not the person: Identify the behavior cleanly apart from the person.

  • Avoid (stereotype) comparisons.

  • Be aware that you are responsible for the decision to give or hold back feedback; you don’t control what they do with the feedback.

Feedback exercise self evaluation l.jpg

Feedback Exercise Self-Evaluation

  • How did it feel criticizing another person?

  • Was easier to give or get feedback?

  • Why do you find it hard to give or get feedback?

  • What is the most useful or important thing you have learned about handling feedback?

Asking the right questions l.jpg

Asking the Right Questions

  • Thoughtful questions elicit better information.

  • Try asking ...

    • Direct questions to gather facts: who?, what?, why?, when?, where? . . .

    • Open-ended questions to help people express goals, values, qualifications and feelings.

      • Hint: Open-ended questions cannot be answered

        with a yes or no.

Good questions for coaches l.jpg

Open-ended – what?, how? questions

What do you want to do?

How did you arrive at . . . ?

What do you think might happen if . . . ?

What would that look like to you . . . ?

What concerns you

about . . . ?

What were you hoping for?

Good Questions for Coaches

  • Broadening Questions

  • What do you see?

  • Do you see . . . ?

  • Say more about that . . . ?

  • What happened when . . . ?

  • Could you tell me more about . . . ?

  • Explaining questions

  • What makes that upsetting?

  • How did you decideto . . . ?

Good questions for coaches29 l.jpg

Clarifying questions

Can you give me examples of . . . ?

What does . . . look like to you?

What exactly do you mean?

When you say . . . what were you referring to?

Good Questions for Coaches

  • Exploring questions

  • What did you think when . . . ?

  • What concerns you about that?

  • What were you expecting?

Generational differences in motivators l.jpg

Generational Differences in Motivators

  • Motivators tend to be generation based.

  • What do we know about motivating the different generations?

Where the generations clash motivation l.jpg

Where the Generations Clash:Motivation


VeteransSatisfaction of job well done

BoomersMoney, Title, Corner office

Generation XFreedom, Security

NexusWork that has meaning for them

Source: When Generations Collide, Lancaster and Stillman

To understand adults examine their childhoods when they were ten l.jpg

To understand adults, examine their childhoods (when they were ten):

  • Shared significant experiences

  • Parenting styles

  • Key messages

  • Cultural norms and behaviours

  • Trends and fads

  • Social values, structures

  • Roles and responsibilities

Nexus boomers in context l.jpg

Nexus/Boomers in Context


  • In person preferred

  • Process as well as product

  • The personal is private

  • You can control your future

  • Work comes first

  • Money speaks

  • Managed by team leader

  • Focused

  • Clarity of message is critical

  • Options shrinking


  • Remote and wireless

  • Instant everything

  • The personal is public

  • Nothing is certain but uncertainty

  • Life is for living

  • Time is money/currency

  • Self - Managed

  • Multi-tasking in multi- channel

  • Multi-message, multi-media world

  • Possibilities opening up

Employee characteristics l.jpg



  • Global travelers, mobile

  • Looking for fast feedback, recognition and rewards

  • Want balance as they define it

  • Satisfaction is key

  • Multi-taskers extraordinaire

  • Continuous change energizes

  • Compensation public


  • Global travelers, mobile

  • Feedback if necessary

  • Balance if possible

  • Success is key

  • Multi-task if required

  • Continuous change exhausts

  • Compensation very private

Communicating across generations l.jpg

Communicating Across Generations


  • Encouragement

    • Everyone teaches

    • Share practices and information; not rules

  • Engagement

    • Inspire them to identify problems and solve them

  • Challenge & Choice

    • Expose them to possibilities

    • Give choices

      Source : Rainmaker Thinking, Tulgan


  • Encouragement

    • Leaders Lead

    • Clear rules and consequences

  • Engagement

    • Inspire them to follow directions

  • Challenge & Choice

    • Offer options

    • Give direction

Motivational coaching l.jpg

Motivational Coaching

Push coaching l.jpg

Push Coaching

Warning signals coaches use l.jpg

Warning Signals Coaches Use

New ideas for coaches l.jpg

New Ideas for Coaches

How i will put this learning into practice l.jpg

How I Will Put This Learning into Practice

  • New learning needs practice.

  • How will you use the learning today in your work every day?

  • Login