What has changed in women’s sexual lives since the ‘burning of the bra’?

1. What has changed in women’s sexual lives since the ‘burning of the bra’? Dr Margaret Redelman Medical Sex Therapist Bondi Junction, Sydney 5th SDC, Queenstown 29.4.2012

2. My thoughts on some of the events shaping women’s sexuality over the last 50-60 years • Western societies • Are women “happier”? • Are women better off sexually?

3. The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness • By most objective measures the lives of Western women have improved. Most believe that having more choices makes for more opportunity to be happier. • Women’s happiness has declined absolutely & relative to men in the USA over last 35 + yrs • In the 1970s women reported higher subjective well-being than did men. This is now reversed. • This shift has occurred in much of the industrialised world B. Stevenson & J. Wolfers. Am Econ J: Economic Policy 2009, 1:2;190-225

4. One opinion is that men have actually benefited from ‘women’s liberation’ ↑ in the total amount of work women do ie Women continue to maintain the emotional responsibility for home and family & have taken on traditional male work roles eg A man ‘helps’ around the house or “babysits” the children Hochschild and A. Machung 1989. The Second Shift. New York. Viking

5. More autonomy over options EG marriage, children out of wedlock, birth control, TOPs, divorce HOWEVER Men may in fact have benefited by being able to ↑ pressure for sex in the face of ↓ sanctions and ↓consequences ? More sex, more varied sex ? More partners ? Younger age

6. ↓ in happiness across spectrum of women • Women’s lives have become more complex than any previous generation of women • Women also now have a larger reference group for comparison • Pressure to excel in every aspect of life – ‘superwoman’ concept

7. ‘Monitoring the Future Study’ looks at 15,000 12th graders in the USA (annually since 1976) • Shows bigger decline in girls’ happiness relative to boys than seen in adults • Girls reported being under time pressure, with absolute and relative decline in reported satisfaction with ‘ time for doing the things you want” and satisfaction with “friends and people you spend time with” • The girls reported importance with “ being successful”, “steady work", "making a contribution to society” & “being a leader”

8. Marital satisfaction • On average women were less happy with their marriage than men • Women became less happy with their marriage over time • Marital happiness is more closely linked to happiness for women then for men. However, this is lower for women who work than stay-at-home women & the correlation has fallen over time.

9. Possible reasons why women ↓happy • ↓ social cohesion • ↑ anxiety & neuroticism • ↑ household risk • People in hedonistically good circumstances require more to declare themselves happy • Women are now more comfortable with being honest about their true happiness • The increased opportunities available mean women require more to declare themselves happy (female suicide rates ↓)

10. (1) Changes in ideas re female sexual responses (2) Changes in social mores, freedoms, expectations and entitlements (3) Pharmaceutical options (4) Technological advances (5) Changes for young and older/old womeninternet/cougar culture/entitlement (6) 3 influential women

11. (1) Changes in ideas re female sexual responses How women’s sexuality is seen

12. Orgasm Sexual Excitement/ Tension Arousal Desire Time Patterns of Sexual ResponseMaster’s and Johnson’s linear modelexcitement/arousal → plateau → orgasm → resolution Resolution Masters EH, et al. Human Sexual Response. Boston, Mass: Little Brown & Co.; 1966. Lief I. Inhibited sexual desire. Med aspects Hum Sex 1977;7:94-5 Kaplan HS. Disorders of Sexual Desire and Other New Concepts and Techniques in Sex Therapy. New York, NY: Brunner/Mazel Publications; 1979.

13. Patterns of Sexual Response Rosemary Bassoon’s circular model Basson R. Biopsychosocial models of women’s sexual response: applications to management of ‘desire disorders’. Sexual & Relationship Therapy 2003;18(1):107-115

14. FEMALE SEXUAL RESPONSE • Willingness • Interest • Arousal • Persistence • Orgasm • Resolution • Meaningfulness Willingness culturally/norm determined

15. BENEFITS to women • Societal openness re sexuality • ↑scientific research re sexuality • ↑ knowledge re sexual function/dysfunction • ↑ sexual information

16. (2) Changes in: social mores freedom expectations and entitlements

17. Social changes • Shy inexperienced virgin → entitled, orgasmic (?multi), knowledgeable, experienced • Monogamy → sexual freedom with open relationships, greater tolerance of infidelity/affairs, polyamory, group sex, swinging • Financial freedom with equal (?) pay, equal education opportunities, pensions • Divorce law changes with ‘no blame’ divorces, ability to leave marriages, children

18. Social changes • ↑female labour force participation → some accommodation to women’s needs/maternity leave, part-time work • Acceptability of being a single woman • Sex education in schools, availability of information • Changes in co-habitation acceptance and laws

19. Social changes • Single parenthood, adoption • Abortion legislation • Gay liberation – open gay relationships, gay marriage, adoption, reproductive surrogacy

20. Changes in expectations of relationships With the liberation of women from ‘bondage’ in marriage or attachment to a male for validation, the rationale for relationships changed Western marriages: sexual pleasure and emotional intimacy, personal goals. Non-western marriages: social, financial, companionship, caring, common family goals & children

21. Why Women have Sex?Rationale for having sex Interviewed 1006 women, worldwide about sexual motivation and identified 237 reasons why women have sex. Women use sex at every stage of the relationship, from luring him into it & “mate poaching”to keeping him “mate guarding”,manipulating him (sex economics), punishing him and making him leave. Genetic benefits vs resource benefits Meston, C.M. and Buss, D.M., "Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge". Times Books, 2009

22. Darwin’s view • Nature’s economic take on efficient reproduction Genetic vs resources sex • Dr Christopher Ryan: ‘Sex at Dawn’ Sex = way to manage complex social networks Paternal certainty Control of female sexuality

23. Concept of fidelity 36 yr old newly married male recently told me “ I know I’m not going to be faithful. I like passionate varied sex. I’ve already hooked up with a secretary at work. “ Trust Informed consent Role modelling

24. (3) Pharmaceutical options • Oral contraceptive pill • HRT • PDE5s

26. OC Oral contraceptive pill in the 60’s liberated women from the major horror of pre-marital pregnancy, forced marriage or social calamity, sex and uncontrolled fertility with large families and bodies that had no pelvic structure Song: If you can’t be with the one you love Love the one you’re with

27. HRT/testosterone • Hot flashes  • Night sweats  • Vaginal dryness, shrinkage • A tendency to develop hair on the face • A loss of muscle tone in the bladder and urethra  • Pelvic floor weakness • Skin changes, ↑ or ↓ sensitivity • Hair becomes dry and nails more brittle. • Sleep disruption • Mood swings • Sense of smell and taste

28. PDE5s • Paradigm shift for men – ED • What did it do for women • Continuing intercourse and sexual intimacy for those who desired it • Pressure for sex for those who did not desire it • ERECTILE FUNCTIONAL OLDER MEN

29. ↑ Trafficking/sex industry • Globalisation • Sex tourism • Traditionally large % of men who use sex workers are married men & single older men • Bought brides • Can a man ‘use/commodify’ one woman and yet ‘respect’ another?

30. While the economy struggles, the sex industry is booming, writes Suzanne Daley. SMH 8.4.2012 She had expected a job in a hotel. But when Valentina arrived in Spain two months ago from Romania, the man who helped her get here - a man she had considered her boyfriend - made it clear that the job was on the side of the road. He threatened to beat her and to kill her children if she did not comply. And so she stood near a roundabout recently, her hair in a greasy ponytail, charging $US40 ($38.80) for intercourse, $US27 for oral sex. ''For me, life is finished,'' she said later that evening, tears running down her face. ''I will never forget that I have done this.'' La Jonquera was once a quiet border town where truckers rested and the French came looking for a deal on hand-painted pottery and leather goods. But these days, prostitution is big business here, as it is elsewhere in Spain, where it is essentially legal. While the rest of Spain's economy may be struggling, experts say prostitution - almost all of it involving the ruthless trafficking of foreign women - is booming, exploding into public view in small towns and big cities. The police recently rescued a 19-year-old Romanian woman from traffickers who had tattooed on her wrist a bar code and the amount she still owed them: more than $US2500. In the past, most customers were middle-aged men. But the boom here, experts say, is powered in large part by the desires of young men - many of them travelling in packs for the weekend. ''The young used to go to discos,'' said Francina Vila i Valls, Barcelona's counsellor for women and civil rights. ''But now they go to brothels. It's just another form of entertainment to them.'' There is little reliable data on the subject. The United States State Department's 2010 report on trafficking said 200,000 to 400,000 women worked in prostitution in Spain - 90 per cent were trafficked. But police officials and advocates say whatever the number of victims, it is growing. Thousands of women are forced to work - often for even lower pay now, because of the economic downturn - everywhere from fancy clubs and private apartments to industrial complexes and lonely country roads. ……….

31. Trafficking • Can a young man use a woman as a ‘toy’ and then treat his wife ‘well’ • Bucks parties • What kind of boundaries can he set with his daughter/step daughter ? • Can one divide a coin so that one only gets one side?

32. PDE5s→ ? women • Medicalization of female sexuality ? • Is low desire a medical problem? → NO • Is low desire a problem? → YES • Desire discrepancy has serious consequences • Cranky partner/loss of partner • Envy of other women • Grief over loss of something previously enjoyed

33. (4) Technological advances • Domestic appliances • Sexual vibrators • TV • Number 96 • Internet → U-tube, Social networking • Mobile phones & apps • sexting

34. Internet/PORN Pornography has become both more mainstream and more hardcore Pornography now enjoys unprecedented legitimacy around the world Globally, it has an annual profit of US$24.9 billion In a 2006 study of 13–16 year olds in Australian schools, 93% of males and 62% of females had seen pornography online Fleming, Greentree, Cocotti-Muller, Elias & Morrison 2006

35. Internet Widely accessible, anonymous and unregulated Sexual abuse and predation Addictive behaviours Educated white married man → fantasy “anal sex with a black woman with huge breasts”

36. Girls/young women • Girls sexualised at younger ages • Normalising of adult sexual behaviour • Normalising of ‘pornified’ adult sexual behaviour • Normalising of selling self through sex • Getting ‘fame’ through selling yourself sexually

38. Texting • 29 year old female with good university degree from wealthy family from 30 year old barrister from top legal firm at 2am. • “Can’t stop thinking of fucking you up the arse again. Going to come over now.” Long term consequences of cyberspace stuff ??

39. (5) Changes for older/old womeninternet/cougar culture/entitlement Age disparity in sexual relationships Whether these relationships are accepted? Accepted if man older in most cultures What counts as a significant difference in age has varied over time; andvaries over cultures,different legal systems,and different ethical systems. The Unequal Marriage by Vasili Pukirev1862 EG 80 yo with 23 yo Filipino lover Male escorts Cougar culture

40. Exciting times Women’s ability to have sex • Without societal punishment • The kind of sex we want • At times/situations of our choosing • Confident of our sexual knowledge and skills • Able to control the outcomes • Entitlement/expectation to good lovers What about the costs?

41. Confused society • Confusion about what is normal • Confusion about what is acceptable • Confusion about what is healthy • How to get the best for oneself sexually

42. 3 women influential in women’s sexuality in Australia • Dr Rosie King • Bettina Arndt • Melinda Tankard Reist

43. Dr Rosie King Comes from a medical background and has self trained into sex therapist, educator and author with over 30 years of clinical experience. Has written 2 books specifically applicable to women

44. Bettina Arndt: journalist One of Australia's first sex therapists, social commentator and educator • Forum Magazine, 1973 - 1981 • Private Lives,1986 • All About Us,1989 • Taking Sides,1995 • The Sex Diaries, 2009 “Just do it” • What Men Want – in bed, 2010

45. Melinda Tankard Reist - anti-porn crusader, pro-life feminist, anti sexualisation of girls, anti- raunch culture The pornification of culture strip clubs, sexting, role pornography plays in shaping the advice proffered by sex therapists, pornography that uses violence, abuse and exploitation, the ubiquity of porn on the net perverting our experience of sexuality. She argues that all porn is degrading because uses another person as an object for sexual gratification. That any depiction of women as service stations for men and boys is dangerous. She also believes that abortion is a form of ‘violence against women’. Reist’s brand of feminism has been described as “one that wants to protect women, whether it be from men, from sexuality, or something else”. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/The-marketing-campaign-thats-totally-below-the-belt

46. Advertising Pussy drinks ? pornification pussification On the net In my face without my permission – no choice Offensive value

47. Every system in society suits some people Rosie treated badly → be good to me → great sex partner Bettina fragile libido → accept reality → do it Melinda fragile → too much/too bad → protect

48. Mills and Boon/romances Searching for romantic true love with “traditional” values Least romantic: declaring one’s affection /relationship status on facebook Most women still hope to meet their partner in traditional ways Don’t want sex to be expected on a date Harlequin Enterprises(Australia)P/L conducted 1200 internet interviews 27/1-4/2 2012 on women 18-55yrs.

49. Thank you questions/discussion Margaret Redelman