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Further Along the Road to Independence

Further Along the Road to Independence. September 13 , 2007 Mrs. Tulonen , Middle School Counselor. Emerging issues in 8th and 9th grade:. Freedom Power. The issue is control. . You, the parent or guardian, has it and your teen wants it!.

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Further Along the Road to Independence

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  1. Further Along the Road to Independence September 13, 2007 Mrs. Tulonen, Middle School Counselor

  2. Emerging issues in 8th and 9th grade: Freedom Power

  3. The issue is control. You, the parent or guardian, has it and your teen wants it!

  4. What form does gaining that independence take in Middle School? Your teenager wants: • Control over their schedule - Later bedtimes and later curfews • Leeway and privacy • Control over their lives - Fewer parental intrusions into school and social life • To be given the privileges of an older teenager

  5. This perfectly logical yearning is fraught with frustration Students seem to constantly struggle with parents between what is appropriate and what is not allowed.

  6. The familiar cry of the Middle Schooler is “That’s not fair!” Why??

  7. The world is overrun with rules and restrictions. “No!” “Don’t do that!” “Don’t forget to do that.”

  8. These years can be quite stressful for parents as well! Parent’s irritability towards their children increases as the child grows from 11 to 15. The number of times parents express negativity in conversation rises steadily, but the number of positive conversations doesn’t tend to change.

  9. How can you help make your child’s gaining control and breaking away less stressful for them and for you? • Discipline with love. • Remember: Conflict is inevitable. Whether it is constructive conflict or destructive conflict is up to you. • There is a big difference between discipline and control – the trick is to master the first and relinquish the latter.

  10. The most effective discipline is: • Consistent • Appropriate = “the punishment fits the crime” – it is best not to punish when you are angry • Results oriented – if it works use it, if it doesn’t try something else (ex. grounding) • Focused on the individual – you know your child best (a very lonely child might not benefit from being sent to his/her room) • Swift – kids live in the now

  11. Reinforce the good • Teens are hungry for approval • Keep it positive! • “Please keep your calls to 20 minutes.” Rather than “Don’t stay on the phone so long!” • Give choices as much as possible. • “You can do your homework now or you can stay in this evening and not go to Joe’s.” • Recognize which discipline efforts work most effectively. The more structure and planning you can introduce the less punishment will be needed. • When you feel you can’t change your child’s behavior, you might try changing yours. Ask friends, consult the school counselor, coaches, etc. • Respect your child and his/her differences. • Build his/her self esteem.

  12. Let your 8th or 9th grader know on a regular basis that: • You believe in them • You trust them • You know they can handle it • They are listened to • They are cared for • They are very important to you

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