Practical Ideas and Resources for helping your pupils understand and sustain healthy personal and sexual relationships

1. Practical Ideas and Resources for helping your pupils understand and sustain healthy personal and sexual relationships Dr Michelle S. Springer Head of PSHE, Citizenship and SMSC Thomas Tallis School www.michellespringer.com www.thomastalliswellbeing.org.uk

2. Aims To provide practical examples of different kinds of SRE activities To consider what should and can be covered in SRE lessons To identify useful links for SoWs and resources

3. Where is your school at? • Introductions – talk in pairs. Tell each other; • Your name • Your school • Your role in terms of SRE • How SRE is delivered in your school • Be prepared to tell us about what your partner said

4. SRE- The Basics Relationships Consent STIs Pregnancy Getting help and advice Exploring feelings and values Life skills, not just prevention Safeguarding

5. Controversial Topics Homosexuality Sexual abuse and domestic violence Pornography, sexting Abortion

6. Getting help and advice The issues that we deal with in SRE (and PSHE in general) can be sensitive and may touch on feelings and experiences that are close to you. If any of the issues that we cover today or in future lessons affects you then you should seek help or advice. There are cards and leaflets available as you leave the session and contact details are provided on the poster shown later.

7. Activities Class Contract The Question Box Personal Space The Ideal Partner What do we mean by…? How easy is it to talk to someone about…? Mixing Fluids What’s in the Bag Condom Demonstration Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships Consent Empathy Glasses Pornography and Sexting

8. Class Contract Ensure that students know you are talking about all kinds of relationships – heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual Don’t discuss outside the room Safeguarding – if you have concerns about abuse or exploitation Fraser Guidelines Be open and honest. However, discourage personal disclosure of own or others’ personal/private lives Safe learning space Confidentiality Openness Right to pass Language Listening to and sharing different points of view Asking questions Being inclusive

9. The Question Box On each seat there are a number of pieces of paper These are for any questions you might have that you would like to keep anonymous We will answer as many as possible before the end of the session

10. Personal Space Move around the room staying as far away as possible from anyone else Start to move closer to people See how close you can get to different people Can you form a close group? How comfortable do you feel doing this? Are there any people who felt the need to move away as people got closer?

11. The ideal partner Using the person outline, write all the qualities that you would want in an ideal partner You cannot state whether the person is male or female Does sex come up? How? In what context?

12. What do we mean by…? • Each chair has a number on the back • If I choose your number then you will be given a word • You will state what the words means for you or what you understand by it • Wider discussion • Does everyone agree? • Do we need to add anything to the meaning? • Can we agree on a common understanding?

13. How easy is it to talk to someone about…? Participants have been given a statement Place it on the continuum between Easy and Difficult according to how easy you think it would be to talk about Discuss Change?

14. Mixing Fluids Everyone is given a cup with liquid in it and a scenario Read your scenario and behave as it says If the scenario says that you have sex with someone then you should both pour a little of your liquid into each other’s cup You will be told to stop after about 5 minutes The facilitator tests each person’s cup with a piece of litmus paper Reveal that only one cup was acidic (STI) at the start and now there are… Did it matter whether you slept with a lot of people or not? Did anyone try to talk about contraception or STIs with any of the partners? What does the activity demonstrate about the spread of STIs? What can you do to ensure that you don’t catch an STI?

15. What’s in the bag? In groups, take an object from the bag Answer the questions on your sheet Present your information to the class (presentations should be as interactive as possible and involve all members of the group)

16. Condom Demonstration • Write down the top 5 worst excuses for not using a condom • Watch the condom demonstration (silently!) • What did I do wrong? • Key points to identify; • Storage • Use by date • Kite mark • Opening • When to discard • Checking for holes

17. Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships Placed around the room are three signs – Healthy Relationship, Unhealthy Relationship and Abusive Relationship Each person has been given 1-3 cards Place your card/s into the category you feel they most fit Discuss with the people around you as you put them down Change any you don’t agree with When I ring the bell, freeze next to one of the categories

18. Consent What are your initial thoughts?

19. Consent Have a go at defining the terms “rape” and “sexual assault”. It’s harder than you think!!

20. Rape • Penile penetration • of the vagina, anus or mouth • without consent • without a reasonable belief in consent

21. Sexual Assault • Intentionally touching another person • sexually • without that person’s consent • without a reasonable belief in consent

22. So what is this reasonable belief in consent? Read through the following scenarios Discuss whether or not there is reasonable belief in consent What do you think a court would say? Why?

23. Sarah meets Tim in a bar lets him buy her drinks all night. Does Tim have a reasonable belief that she consents to having sex with him? Sarah went back to Tim’s house with him. Does Tim have a reasonable belief that she consents to having sex with him?

24. Sarah started kissing Tim and let him touch her breast and put his hand up her skirt. Does Tim have a reasonable belief that she consents to having sex with him?

25. Sarah started having sex with Tim but then changed her mind and told him to stop. Tim refused to stop until he was finished. Does Tim have a reasonable belief that she consents to having sex with him? Is this rape?

26. Tomiwa and her husband Kevin have been married for a year. They have had consensual sex lots of times… Tomiwawas tired and really didn’t want to have sex so said no. Kevin made her have sex anyway. One night, Kevin came home drunk when Tomiwa was asleep. He didn’t think she’d mind so started having sex with her while she was asleep.

27. Drunken Consent – Thinking points • Does a man have a reasonable belief in consent if… • They are both drunk and s/he says yes. • They are both drunk and s/he says no. • S/he is very drunk but says yes, he is sober and knows how drunk s/he is. • S/he is so drunk that she is slurring her words. • S/he is so drunk that s/he passes out.

28. Quiz Answer each of the questions in the multiple choice quiz. When you have finished you will discuss the answers as a class

29. Empathy Glasses (Usually done with Year 7) Lessons on LGBT – within a unit on diversity or a series of lessons on LGBT Explain empathy Make glasses with coloured paper Students write a letter or diary entry from the point of view of someone who is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender

30. Pornography and Sexting • What can you learn about driving a car from this… • Why do people watch pornography? • What results? • Unrealistic body expectations • Which line shows the length of the average erect penis? • Dove Campaign for Real Beauty • Unrealistic “normality” of sexual expectations • Business model for pornography • CEOP Exposed

31. Which of these lines shows the length of the average erect penis? Average size of a flaccid penis 3-4 inches (8.5cm) Average size of an erect penis 5.5 inches (13.5cm) Average size that young people think an erect penis is 12 inches (30cm)

32. Difficult Questions • Personal – why are they asking you? • Role model • First time talking on the subject • Openness of discussion • Controversial • Provocative • Interested • Distancing techniques – “That’s an interesting question…”, ground rules, fictitious characters • Always say if you don’t know • Anonymous questions allow you to choose ones that you are comfortable with initially and gives you time to seek advice on others • Being candid

33. Getting help and advice Practicing what you could say to someone Giving Advice Knowing where to get help

34. Useful links Bishtraining – resources to buy http://bishtraining.com/ Christopher Winter Project – resources to buy http://cwpresources.co.uk/home/ CEOP – information for all http://ceop.police.uk/, information for young people http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/ Stonewall – https://www.stonewall.org.uk/at_school/ Family Planning Association – sexual health http://www.fpa.org.uk/ PSHE Association – useful information, advice and guidance, plus resources and training for members http://www.pshe-association.org.uk/ TES www.thomastalliswellbeing.org.uk – all units and resources freely available, as well as teacher training and other useful bits

35. Contact Me Michelle Springer mspringer@thomastallis.org.uk www.michellespringer.com www.thomastalliswellbeing.org.uk

36. What are the Fraser Guidelines? All five of the following must be true; The young person can understand the advice S/he cannot be persuaded to tell a parent or carer about the situation S/he is going to go ahead with sexual activity whether or not you give the advice His or her physical or mental health would suffer if you did not give the advice It is generally in his or her best interests to receive confidential advice